That's my pet peeve question. I hate it when people ask me, "What's wrong?" Most of the time nothing is "wrong" and the question puts me in a foul mood. The question is wrong.
I have gotten used to those close to me asking me this at times simply because I know that they know me and can sense if something truly is bothering me. That was also a process of letting go. It annoyed me at first, but now it doesn't.
JJ is very intuitive/sensitive. He always checks in with me. I guess I'm not used to sensitive guys. He said that he sensed that my energy level was low and asked what was wrong. I told him that I haven't been able to sleep lately, so I'm just tired.
JJ: You're just tired from not sleeping? Nothing's bothering you?
Me: Yeah, I'm just tired.
JJ: If something was going on, would you tell me?
Me: Of course. That's the thing. JJ, that's actually one of my pet peeves. I know it's what you do and you're just caring, but I usually can't stand it when people ask me "What's wrong?" because you're already assuming that something is wrong. It makes me search for something to be wrong.
JJ: Ok, I won't ask you that anymore. It's just that we spend so much time together and I can sense when your energy level is low. But Grace, you don't tell me when something's going on. I have to work at it and pull your teeth to get it out of you. You keep it all inside and hide it.
So now, I'm the sensitve one and in a bad mood. I feel that I'm an open book and share freely with people around me. I'm beginning to wonder whether that truly is the case. I think half the time I don't really know what I'm feeling, so I can't share it. Others may point it out to me for me to ever realize it. That bothers me.
5 comments:
what about..."are you ok?" which assumes you're not. or "is everything alright?" ... but that's the same too. :(
anywhoo.....i got before sunrise!!! i was watching it last night, but i got soooooo sleepy, i had to stop...but i saw up to where they were in the train and they were playing the question game and reincarnation...and it's such a LOOOOONG TAKE! i stopped where they were at the record store...but now i'm wanting to see it! it's soooo amazing! real time! yessss~!
I remember in college, I overheard my then-roommate say to my former roommate, "She's in one of those moods," and my former roommate said, "Oh."
That burned my buttons, yah.
My favorite question.
You wonder too damn much and don't give your brain enough credit, Grace. I think you'll find you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for if you just stop wondering so much and wandering around in your own head with that and just see that you basically have it figured out already.
I don't think it's a matter of not knowing what you're feeling. I think JJ's right. I don't doubt that you don't know exactly what you're feeling (I don't think anyone really does...even when people are open with you about stuff, I doubt they really know exactly what they're feeling). But I think that even if you did, you wouldn't openly share it. I think you prefer that everyone else be open with you rather than the other way around (I'm not saying you don't like "the other way around" either...I'm just saying you'd rather prefer the first option...and prefer it much more than the second).
I mean, that conversation that you quoted...if I changed "JJ" to "Grace" and "Me" to "Mike Kim", it would seem perfectly normal. And the way that JJ spoke would be pretty consistent with what I would expect you to say.
Some food for thought. But this time don't wonder so much
Oh and I don't think you are an open book. Wait, I take that back, you might be an open book but even if you are, you're a carefully edited and censored open book.
I could only speculate on the reasons for the censures and heavy editing.
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