New Fix

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

We love, because He first loved us."

I read and meditated on 1 John Saturday. For the first time in quite some time, I craved the Word. It's amazing how dynamic and powerful the Word is. I felt happy thinking about God and talking to Him. It was so refreshing to focus on God rather than myself. I think I've been very self-involved and introspective, which wasn't necessarily all bad because I realized a few things about myself. But, I think I'm finally at that place where I'm ready to accept who I am and reconcile my perception of self with God's view of me. Or rather, start letting go (again). I know it's a process and I'll probably fall into the narcissistic trap of too much self-reflection and analyzing pretty soon, but I think I'm ready to at least recognize when I get that way and try to do something about it. Rather than simply trying to stop feeling guilty, sad, bitter, I've found it's more effective to fill my thoughts with God's promises and words because I can't just stop feeling a certain way. Saturday, when I started feeling guilty about random things, I realized that guilt is closely linked to fear for me. Fear of being inadequate, disappointing others and myself, etc. and ultimately feeling guilty for all of the aforementioned. For some reason, the verse above really calmed me when I started spiraling into my guilt rant in my mind. There's such freedom in the verse. I felt less burdened knowing it's not up to me to fix me. I mean, I'll try and work on issues. We all do. But, ultimately, it's God working in me, my family, my friends, this world.

Perfect love. It's a neat thing to think about.