(The past couple of years have been like one long stretch of freeway between two rest stops on a road trip, so I've clumped them together.)
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I wonder how far along I am in my journey to become all of the above. The past couple of years have been different and challenging, which led to many self-realizations (mostly unpleasant), but I hope I came out of it all more confident and rooted in knowing who I am as God’s daughter. I feel most comfortable being me right now.
I’ve let go of my planner, embraced the joys of not knowing. I’ve probably cried out all my suppressed crying. I’m more in touch with my feelings (or at least trying to be) and letting go of denial. It’s terrifying. I’m almost comfortable being in uncomfortable situations. Maybe I’ve just gotten used to it now. Being in the grey. I’m allowing myself to simply be. I may even be ready for a – dare I say – serious relationship. I still have issues, and I’m okay with that because I think I’m at least moving forward. Last year around this time, I didn’t really feel that way. It’s nice to be where I am right now although I’m still not where I want to be. But, I’m excited for what is to come.
’08 will be great! I think 25 will be a good turning point for me. I hope for more moments of clarity, laughter and contentment. I hope to be able to love fully without fear and allow myself to be loved. I hope to deal with struggles with ease and calmness. I hope to fall more in love with God and acknowledge Him. God has blessed me with friends and family that make me feel so safe and taken care of. I am incredibly grateful. I hope to feel safe with more people. I hope I will feel safest with God and allow myself to be broken. It's scary, yet so freeing.
The lesson for the past couple of years: I am so imperfect; God is so perfect and loves an imperfect me. I’m so thankful He sees beauty and hope in us.
Hope is such a gift. To see beauty amidst a cruel, unforgiving world is a gift. I want to live being thankful for those gifts.
1 comment:
Hope is a gift, but God does not see hope in us. God sees us as his creations. He knows everything about us. No need for hope just a lifetime of wait. Which isn't that much if you consider eternity in heaven.
Post a Comment