A Whole New World

Hmm, I miss singing that song with Keisuke.

I went to an art exhibit on Saturday at the Laguna Art Museum with Ryan because his work was involved with the current exhibition. I was a bit reluctant at first because Ryan works at a place where they make video games. Art and video games? But, I was pleasantly surprised. It was interesting to see the art inspired by the games. People really get immersed in the game and it becomes another realm of reality for them. I found that so fascinating. Ryan was telling me about how some guys like playing female characters because they can control the woman's actions. He said they may have a distorted view of masculinity. I found that very disturbing and interesting. It's probably not like that for all those guys, but I think it may be for some.

There was this one video piece where they just taped a player's hand movements in the game. Such coordination and agility!

The whole gaming world is so bizarre to me. I never played video games growing up and never even owned a gameboy. I think the only game I knew how to play on a gameboy was Tetris.

Sidenote: it's interesting hanging out with animators. We were at a bar the other night and Danny (Ryan's friend) gets all excited and says, "Wow, that guy has a great face. I wish I had my sketchbook." The guy did have a very cartoonish face, but I probably would not have even noticed if Danny didn't say anything. I love how we all notice different things in the world!

June Gloom

I enjoy it.

Red Flags

Exit and Oceanside Pier
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

How many red flags does it take in a relationship before one exits?

The whole pros/cons list sucks and isn't helpful at all. I guess in the end, the question is, "Does he bring me closer to God?"

Hmmm...

94/9 Independence Jam 2009

Dan from The Black Keys
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

The lineup:
- Dead Confederate: blah.
- Metric: fun
- Yeah Yeah Yeahs: I find Karen O so intriguing. I couldn't stop taking pictures of her. She's so mesmerizing and an amazing performer. She's fantastically crazy.
- The Black Keys: the band I was most looking forward to and boy, did they deliver! Dan can play a mean guitar. I couldn't even take that many pictures of them because the music was just too amazing.

Overall, it was an incredibly fun show. I think it's number two on my top five favorite shows list.

Daydream and Play

Magritte
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

That's all I wanna do...

Artgasm, Motrin and Rest (forced and voluntary)

in awe in the Degas sculpture room
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

It was time for my annual vacation. I went to New York for a week, then rested and played with friends for the rest of the time. It was quite pleasant.

Here are the memorable moments:
- gallery hopping with Charlotte
- watching basketball games with Charlotte and Josh
- art, art, art!!! = artgasm
- getting sick and having to go to the ER
- going back to the ER because I was still in pain and throwing up, then being told by the doctor to simply take some Motrin
- sitting around and watching lots of trashy television during my times of rest
- the Degas sculpture room! I yelped with glee.
- Picasso's later works. Mind-blowing.
- S'mores cupcake
- finding the perfectly sensible black blazer (thanks to Charlotte's good eye)
- meeting up with Matt: eating the yummiest mushroom burger ever and talking about books
- watching "The 39 Steps" with John MSN
- wine and cheese night with Charlotte
- girl talk with Charlotte

I heart Charlotte (and NY). But, Charlotte more.

At the end of the day,
"We got more bounce in California
Than all y'all combined
We got more bounce in California
We like to party all the time
We got more bounce in California
Where the hustlers all reside
We got more bounce in California
Rollin' easy when we ride"

It's good to be back home.

One Mic

One Mic
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

Went to a spoken word event last week and it was mind-blowing. I cried, I laughed, I swooned. I was all over the place.

A few of my observations:
- Poets are intense.
- Poets have good taste in shoes.
- It's fun to boo at the judges when you don't agree with their scores.
- Everyone has issues.

This week has been much better:

Two Thumbs Up
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

- No breakdowns during meetings
- No boy(s) dramarama
- Good sleep

I am pleased.
Looking forward to a four-day weekend. :)

JJ is a music video star:

Oh, and his Chevy too.

Boy Advice from Andrew:

Andrew working...
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

"good luck w/ the boys. we can be good and/or troubles. just don't read into guys too much. generally speaking, there isn't too much to read. unless this male is a lady-boy!"

He cracks me up.

St. Vincent

street art
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

"But I'm a wife in watercolors
I can wash away

Seventeen cold showers
Couldn't wash away

Save me
Save me
Save me from what I want"

Currently obsessed with:

Neat Rock
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

- finding neat rocks
- documentaries. "Dear Zachary" rocked my world.
- The Black Keys
- finding the perfect dining table
- blood oranges

Las Vegas

Water show at the Bellagio
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

It was my first time exploring the strange town of Las Vegas. It felt like a huge bizarre amusement park because there was music everywhere.

A list of my impressions and experiences:
- overwhelming
- too much stimuli
- yummy drinks
- yummy naps by the pool
- fun water show at the Bellagio
- lots of dancing
- a couple of not-so-good decisions

Not so sure everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

We'll see.

Documentaries

I've had a strong inclination towards documentaries lately.

- 'The Business of Being Born' explores the physical and emotional aspects of childbirth. It actually made me not so fearful of the birthing process. Although, it did make me a bit scared of the enormity of pregnant women's boobs.
- 'Bigger, Stronger, Faster' takes a look at the use/abuse of steroids by gym rats and athletes. It was quite disturbing.
- 'Man on Wire' is probably my favorite thus far. It's the amazing story of a French wire-walker who walks across a wire connecting the two World Trade Center towers.

House AND Mos Def?!

I'm so excited.

Mama Liu

Mama Liu was so proud of taking this cheesy picture
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

"Why do YOU get presents when I was the one in pain?"

Mama Liu gave me one of the most memorable presents ever. She read journal entries she wrote to document my growth.

Memorable lines:
- "March 24, 1983 4:30 a.m. Hanjong and I go to the hospital because my stomach hurts. It was kind of drizzly, so I wore a coat."
- My mom documented pretty much all my sleeping patterns. My mom likes to sleep (as do I - I guess I get it from my mom), so this was all very important information for her.
- "Youngeun doesn't like dolls. She prefers playing with pencils and paper. She walks around always carrying a book by her side."
- "Baby Youngeun does not like to eat meat."
- "1996. Youngeun is not so nice anymore. I think she's going through puberty."

I'm glad I'm my mom's daughter.

First Day of Spring/DOB Celebration

so happy for dessert
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

So, the Ok Go show got postponed because one of the band members was sick. However, the night was fantastic. It was a night of good food, delightful company and LOTS of dancing. We ended up going to a club and I believe there was much more dancing than there would have been at the Ok Go show, so I was very happy. While we were dancing, a couple of more people from my work showed up. The two ladies are probably in their 50's and simply put: fabulous. They could probably out-dance any one of us there. I hope I'm that fabulous when I'm their age...

Overall, it was nice seeing old friends and celebrating with new friends.

Light

in the tent
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

Funny-Ironic-Sad

"See Grace. This is what it's like to date YOU."
- Mon

I think a healthy relationship is a miracle.
To meet someone.
For both sides to fall in love at the same time.
To grow that love.
It's a miracle.

Meeting someone with the same issues as myself has been an eye-opening experience. As Mon says, it's like someone is putting a mirror up in front of me. So, the funny-ironic-sad part is that I finally felt ready to take a risk and work on my commitment issues. But, it turns out he has the same issues and is basically freaking out the way "the old me" would have. So, I can't even really be upset with him because I completely understand. Either way, I'm definitely learning a lot and hopefully growing a little bit too.

Spring!

Spring!
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

I'm so excited for Spring.

JJ Quote of the Day

You don't bring sand to the beach.
That's what you're doing.

Liberation!

It was such a delightful weekend in San Francisco.

Growing up, I haven't always felt the closest with my fellow girl-kind. It's hard to say when that started or why, but I just felt more comfortable around guys. This past weekend was all about being a girl. Kendall and I visited Mon. We hung out with her fabulous roommate Tara and Jenn, whom I befriended the last time I visited. It was such a wonderful weekend of art, walks, going out, dancing, affirmations and girly talks about moments of liberation. It was so nice to feel so loved and be in love with everyone. I think all the talk of liberation gave me an extra boost of confidence this week to check off one more thing on my things to do before I die: ask a guy out. I had been waiting around for the right guy to risk losing my dignity when being rejected, but just hadn't found anyone "worth it". And then I thought, it's silly for the guy to always have to ask a girl out. I'm trying to take more risks this year. We'll see how that turns out. So now, I feel the pressure of having to keep the conversation going when we do go out because I asked him. Is this what guys go through before a date? Eek. However things turn out, I think this was a good exercise for me and I encourage all women to try it at least once. It's quite liberating.

Love boldly! Live generously!

"Be your own star!" - Jenn

Can't sleep.

:(

The Blues

I went to a tapas bar last Friday and there was this older gentleman singing the blues. He was fantastic. This led me to explore my current selection of the blues and it's quite lacking. He sang a lot of Muddy Waters, so that's where I'm heading.

Today is Etta James. All day.
She's so rad.

Lego

I Lego N.Y.

I had to drop by work in the morning to finish up something before I went to LegoLand on Friday.
Lucy: Oh, today's your day off. What are you doing today?
Me: Going to Legoland.
Lucy: You're taking some nieces or nephews?
Me: Nope, going with a friend. Two grown adults.

It was quite a bizarre place. So many legos. My favorite was MiniLand where they had replications of various places around the world. Oh, and they had a special inauguration exhibit, which was fantastic.

Beauty

I heard this excerpt of a Navajo chant in a documentary and it reminded me of God.

With beauty before me, I walk.
With beauty behind me, I walk.
With beauty above and about me, I walk.
It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.

Kristin Quotes of the Day

K: "Is that tupperware for your shoes?"
G: "No, it's a shoe box."
---
I bought a Peanuts "Love is..." calendar. Every month, there's a cute picture and a line about what love is. January: Love is walking hand-in-hand.
K: "That's an ironic calendar for someone who's got her love locked down."
---
K: "Oh my gosh, I am a middle-aged black man."
(When looking through her "The Office" calendar and noticing the similarities between Stanley and herself.)
---
It's a fun day of laughing in our office.

Map It.

Mailboxes
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

I just spent nearly the entire day geotagging 1,434 pictures on flickr.
I do feel a sense of accomplishment.
It's probably undeserving, but nonetheless.

At least I went to the market. Otherwise, I wouldn't have even gone outside today.

The Hand Expert

feeling the breeze
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

My sixth grade teacher just friended me on Facebook. I find that to be quite awesome. Especially because he was possibly one of the coolest teachers I ever had. He played the drums, was the coach of the basketball team and always did experiments from 'Bill Nye: The Science Guy'. (Maybe I had a crush on him... Hmmm, I never realized...)

Anyway, one of the most memorable assignments from his class was to choose any subject, research it and become an "expert". While other kids chose to be experts on surfing, the guitar and baking cookies, I chose to be an expert on hands. I memorized all the bones, muscles and drew huge diagrams. If I think about it now, I imagine my classmates were bored out of their minds during my presentation as I recited all the bones in the hand pointing them out on my huge pictures. 

Fast forward six years. It was my senior year at one of my high school's basketball games. I noticed my sixth grade teacher sitting a couple of rows ahead of me. I went over, introduced myself and asked if he remembered me.

His response: "Of course! The hand expert!"

As a child and throughout my life, I've always enjoyed drawing hands. A part of me thinks that's why I chose to be a hand expert.

So giddy...

What an exciting day! I don't believe Obama and his administration will fix everything, but I do believe they'll make better decisions than George W. That's good enough for me.

It was nice watching the inauguration with JJ, crying and cheering together. We saw his father in the crowd! After the inauguration ceremony ended, I spent about an hour with Midge, who served as the personal assistant to President Jimmy Carter. We both teared up again as she spoke about her journey. Midge has worked so hard on civil rights issues and women's rights. It's amazing to hear her speak. She gave me a copy of a pocket-sized Constitution today and wrote: "Now it's your turn to carry the torch. Hold it high and keep the flame bright."

Inauguration Day

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

with Stella

with Stella
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

She looks so annoyed, but I'm so happy.

A Couple in Chicago

The Obamas in 1996 from The New Yorker.

... was here

... was here
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

This is what happens when I'm not around. My computer gets around. What a whore.

Stella

IMG_2694
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

I start dog-sitting tomorrow. It's going to be so nice being reunited with Stella, the prettiest and most socially awkward dog ever. :)

I'm excited. I hope I can sleep tonight.

:( Chargers

It was so pretty while it was snowing during the beginning of the game.

Then, it all went downhill.

The entire city, county was so excited for this game. Everyone was wearing Chargers gear throughout the weekend. On my way home after watching the game, I saw a person take off his Chargers jersey. Everyone was so sad. It was so interesting to see such excitement and disappointment within three days.

Insomnia/Sick

I can't tell whether I have insomnia or I just can't sleep because I'm so congested...

I woke up at 1:30 a.m. and haven't been able to go back to sleep. 

But, I don't feel tired. 

I feel so awake. 

And, I've been so productive:

• paid all my bills for this month
• cleaned the place 
• organized my closet
• booked a flight to San Francisco
• bought a couple of books
• had breakfast
• watched "30 Rock" and "Ugly Betty"
• listened to a John Malkovich interview on KCRW
• listened to the Christmas sermon I missed at Flood Church

all before 7 in the morning. 

I still have the entire day! Wow, what to do...

Currently obsessed with:

• Beets
• Broccoli
• Echinacea
• The "Up Series"
• Andrew Bird

CONSPIRE art show presented by Sanctuary 143.

Sore Throat

Today is
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

I guess I haven't been sick in a while.
It was time.

I think I may be allergic to work. 

Work is definitely the culprit for this sudden illness.

I get tickled pink when...

Book Globe
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

I'm first in the queue for a book on hold at the library.

New:
- The whole story of Jonah (minus him being told to go to Nineveh) was probably figurative. I learned this in my study Bible commentary the other day and it made me kind of sad. I always liked believing he really was swallowed by a huge whale. I guess it's terrifying if it's real, but still... I feel like someone just popped my bubble.
- Flickr has a partnership with Blurb. One can create a book with pictures from Flickr and add text. The possibilities!
- I like football.

Can't fall asleep.

I even cheated, but it's not working.

Maybe it's because I feel anxious about going back to work tomorrow.

I think I shy away from New Year's Resolutions now. I just feel like it's a set up for disappointment. I figure if there's really something important I want to change in my life, I should start any day, not just wait around for New Year's. But, it is nice that everyone takes a moment to think about how to better their lives, so I guess I support it.

More than specific goals, I like the idea of having a theme. 

2009: Take more risks. Love boldly. Live generously.

Why peacocks can't fly

"Too much tail. All that jewelry weighs it down. Like vanity. Can't nobody fly with all that shit. Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down."

- Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison

Whew

Watched football all day. Such an emotional roller coaster.

In the end, I was happy because the Chargers won. :)

Thus far,

I haven't been doing too well with my grand movie-going plan, but it has been a pleasant vacation. 

Highlights:

• catching up with old friends, especially Matt and Kendall. Matt is my brilliant friend and aspiring writer. I think we spent at least a couple of hours of our day just talking about books. It was fantastic. Kendall is simply delightful. My stomach hurt the next day because I laughed so much.
• "the perfect date" in L.A. with Mon and Kendall = drinking blush wine while talking and listening to Kendall's sex mix, meeting strange men at a hookah bar, getting chocolate and strawberry donuts freshly made at four in the morning, driving back to Lake Elsinore at six while watching the sun rise. I realized how difficult stuff like this is for me now. It took me a couple of days to recover.
• new super soft bath robe.
• photography books!
• yummy naps.
• laughing at awkward moments between Johny and J.Lo.
• catching up on reading.

Plans for Vaca Time

With all this time off in December, it's time to go to the movies...

Want to see:

• The Tale of Despereaux
• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• Doubt
• Wendy and Lucy
• Slumdog Millionaire (check)
• Milk (check)
• The Brothers Bloom
• Frost/Nixon
• Cadillac Records

And catch up on my reading:

• The Word
• Song of Solomon
• Everything is Illuminated
• Infinite Jest (gave up)
• Barrel Fever
• Shantaram

Plus, go home and catch up with old friends. 

It's raining so hard right now.

The sound is amplified because of the skylight. 

My holiday song:

"River" by Joni Mitchell.

I like Christmas:

Celebrating Jesus' birth.

General cheer.

Gift giving.

More time to spend with family and friends.

What I don't like:

Having to get a whole bunch of work done right before Christmas.

Gaudy decorations.

Lots of people everywhere.

Gift giving turned into crazy consumerism and extravagance.

All the poor trees getting cut down.

Those are the things I want to skate away from...

Tide Pools!

Tide Pools!
Originally uploaded by gliuoo

Heart!

Heart!, originally uploaded by gliuoo.

Video chatting is so fun.

2008 - 2009

Kleenex

The last time I was in JJ's office crying (Why was I crying? Who knows? I don't remember), I was outraged because he didn't offer me a tissue. "Why are you not giving me kleenex?!" I exclaimed while trying to wipe away tears with my hands. "Because you've used them all! I got none left because of you!" he retorted. Then, we laughed.

He came in today showing off his new box of unscented kleenex. It was considerate of him to buy unscented ones knowing I'm allergic to strong fragrances.

Hopefully, it'll take me a long time to go through this box.

December

Not excited for all the Christmas music, gaudy decorations and people everywhere.

Excited for lots of playing with friends visiting home.

water falling from the sky

just in the nick of time...

I hope the sound helps me sleep.

I think the sound of rain -- whether it be intermittent drops or pouring rain -- is my favorite sound.

A hymn from today's service:

"Not What These Hands Have Done"

Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul;

Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.

Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God;

Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.

Your voice alone, O Lord, can speak to me of grace;

Your power alone, O Son of God, can all my sin erase.

No other work but Yours, no other blood will do;

No strength but that which is divine can bear me safely through.

They work alone, O Christ, can ease this weight of sin;

Thy blood alone, O Lamb of God, can give me peace within.

Thy love to me, O God, not mine, O Lord, to Thee,

Can rid me of this dark unrest, and set my spirit free.

I bless the Christ of God; I rest on love divine;

And with unfaltering lip and heart I call this Savior mine.

His cross dispels each doubt; I bury in His tomb

Each thought of unbelief and fear, each lingering shade of gloom.

I praise the God of grace; I trust His truth and might;

He calls me His, I call Him mine, My God, my joy and light.

'Tis He who saveth me, and freely pardon gives;

I love because He loveth me, I live because He lives.

Minus/Plus

Minus:

The holidays are especially more annoying and sad this year.

Plus:

Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and a letter from Mina. 

Maybe the holidays won't be so bad...

40+ street artists you should know besides Banksy.

Audra Lewicki

Audra became my friend while I spent a semester in D.C. She's from West Virginia, but attended Wooster College in Illinois. We instantly became friends some how. I admired her passion, spunk and curiosity. She started a recycling program at her college, which I thought was pretty rad.

Fond memories:

• singing our field trip song while skipping every time we visited various organizations for lectures
• reading/journaling/playing by candlelight and talking about how we felt like we were characters in "Little Women" in South Africa
  
• generally frolicking, laughing and crying together in South Africa

Audra is so vibrantly beautiful.

I was looking forward to her visit to San Diego this week. But, a family emergency came up so she's coming in January. It will have been six years since we first met. Wow.

사랑하는 효정,

생일 축하한다. 

It's probably already your birthday in Korea. 

(I thought you might appreciate:)

Awestruck

What one word describes your current state of mind?

It's Election Day!!!

I'm so excited!

Church Hunting

Hmm, that sounds so negative.
How about I call it church searching?
But then, it sounds so .... lost (?).

Ok, anywho...

I went to a church in La Jolla my mom recommended. It was small and reminded me of FPC (my home church):

• the intimacy of the group
• the awkward newcomers introduction time
• the 'happy birthday' song on the first Sunday of the month. Everyone sounded drunk.

Everyone was very friendly.

Things I liked:

• the group ranged from age 70 to little kids. Most everyone was in their 30s.
• the pastor is Korean, but most of the congregation is Caucasian. There were a few Koreans. One Brazilian guy, one African guy, and generally a good little cultural mix.
• family-ness.
• communion service every first and third Sunday of the month.
  
• singing hymns.

I think the church may have been a little too traditional for me, but maybe I'll get used to it. I don't know; I still want to go back to Flood. I really liked all the different ministries at Flood. Plus, I felt a little more connected. It's odd because I felt more comfortable at the small church yesterday because it felt more like home, but I felt more excited at the bigger church.

Maybe I'll go to both services next Sunday. A whole day of church.
We'll see...

from The New Yorker

UNDECIDED by David Sedaris

This morning's highlights:

• buying a bag of the best oranges in the world at the farmer's market
• talking about pretty things with the jewelry lady
• video-chatting with Kristine, which included a special "E.T." moment and virtual hug
  

Dear God,

Thank you for loving me
in spite of me.

Sleep.

I need.

Giddy.

I like the word "giddy" because I think the way the word looks perfectly describes the feeling.
The loops and curves.
I haven't felt that silly junior-high-school girly giddiness in a while.
It's kind of fun.

Meet Me In St. Louis

I'm not exactly sure what there is to do or see in St. Louis besides the arch, but I look forward to exploring. If all else fails, there's always television at the hotel. (It's a luxury when one does not have one at home.)

It'll be interesting/awkward to hang out with the people I work with. I don't mind the people at my office, but we're going with people from the other agencies too. JJ's goal is to get them drunk, so they'll all get along better.

Hopefully, I'll get to attend a few interesting workshops, rest a bit and enjoy watching work people having fun.

Studio 14

It's been fun going to thrift stores searching for pieces of furniture, flower vases, tea cups, etc. I can't wait to start my little garden. There's something quite soothing about gardening; I especially enjoy patting down the moist and cold soil. 

I feel relaxed, at peace and simply comfortable when I walk into my place. It's small, yet cozy and perfect for me. Plus, now I'm just across the street from Whole Foods, two blocks from Trader Joe's, three blocks from my yoga studio and still close to my favorite bookstore. 

I feel incredibly grateful. 

"Drill, baby, drill!"

I'm "darn right" speechless.

Maureen Dowd's Op-Ed piece about Paul Newman

Which Disney Princess are you?

Which Disney Princess are you?

You are a true bookworm and dream of a life better than the simple, quiet one you lead now. Your good looks can attract the town jerks, but you manage to ignore them most of the time. Sometimes you feel like you're surrounded by idiots. So what are you waiting for? You don't need your father to be kidnapped to get out and see the world. Although you can be stubborn, you're also very compassionate and see beyond people's façades.

JJ came out as Esmeralda. (His comments in parenthesis as we read his profile out loud)

You are an exotic beauty who enchants everyone you meet. (Oh, that's true.) You have a special love for music and dance. (Oh, fo' sho'!) You are very kind to strangers, regardless of appearances, but you don't always see beyond good looks when romance is involved. (That's so true.) You have a strong attachment to your community, whether that be made up of family, friends, or both, and you never forget your heritage. Your beauty might attract the wrong sort, so take care that you're not taken advantage of. (That's very true because I attract all sorts) Luckily you don't die at the end of the Disney movie, although in the book you're hanged. (I'm a gypsy; I like that! But, I don't like that hanging part.)

Such a hilarious end to the day.

Elder JJ Quotes

1. JJ's advice on dating:

• Never date a man's potential.
• Playing with a man's emotions is worse than playing with his money.
• Just talk to him, get it out and let it go.

2. Kristin and I were talking about moving around some tables for the meeting later.

• JJ says, "Do you guys want me to help? You might need some muscle."
• Kristin: "Are you flexing right now?"
• JJ: "No, this is the regular, muscular me."
• (laughter explodes in the room)
• JJ: "Ok, you all are laughing a bit too hard." (walks out of the office)

I appreciate that we laugh a lot in our office.

My first celebrity crush

Paul Newman, 83, is dead.

I think Paul Newman was my first celebrity crush. I watched a lot of AMC growing up because of Mama Liu's love for movies and she somehow believed that "classic" films were okay for children to watch (although many of the films were probably inappropriate for a girl my age).

I remember watching Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and Cool Hand Luke as a child and just being so captivated by him. I don't know what I really saw in him as a young girl.

There was something beautifully sad about the characters he portrayed in my favorite movies.

subject line: psst

my profile picture on Goodreads.


In my inbox this morning:

David said to you:
your photograph of your toes is outstanding! a fine example of the self portrait of toes genre!

you said to David:
why thank you kind sir. I'm always looking to contribute to the oh-so-avant-garde self portrait of toes genre.

David said to you:
you should be proud as they are outstanding toes.

For some peculiar reason, I am quite proud.

(Sometimes I get in this strange mood when I just listen to Jeff Buckley all day. There's something about the way he sings that totally draws me in.)

a short film featuring rain (not the Korean pop singer, but real rain, as in water falling from the sky)

While You Were Sleeping: the seductive sight and sound of rain.

I heart.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

“Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.”

“Being with him made my brain quiet. I didn’t have to invent a thing.”

“The meaning of my thoughts started to float away from me, like leaves that fall from a tree into a river, I was the tree, the world was the river.”

“We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.”

“Our laughter kept the feathers in the air. I thought about birds. Could they fly if there wasn’t someone, somewhere, laughing?”

“I shook my tambourine the whole time, because it helped me remember that even though I was going through different neighborhoods, I was still me.”

“Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are.”

“I like to see people reunited, maybe that’s a silly thing, but what can I say, I like to see people run into each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone…”

“I hated myself for going, why couldn’t I be the kind of person who stays?”

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”

-Jonathan Safran Foer

St. Nick

My email to Nick:
I want these for Christmas. I'm a size 6.5 Thanks Nick. You're the best! ;)


First, I heard a gasp (I believe from looking at the $945 price).

Then, here was his reply:
Judging from what I heard about last night, Ms. Liu, you've been a naughty naughty girl. *Shakes head* You're getting the Payless knock-off of those Manolo's for Christmas… ...Pity

You have to imagine him saying it waving his finger with all the sass in the world. It's a good thing Nick is here. It makes working quite enjoyable.

After a weekend of...

• battling allergies and sounding like a bullfrog
• phone tag with Awk :(
  
• Street Scene (thanks to JJ, we were able to watch Spoon and Beck backstage. Beck was amazing. Stupidly, I didn't charge my camera battery the previous night, so my camera died right before Beck came on. Boo. But, I think I was able to enjoy the show more. Watching the crew set up the stage was one of the most efficient things I've ever seen in my entire life. 15 big guys and no one running into someone else. I was in awe. I also liked watching the audience during the show. Everyone looked so happy.)
  
• ice-skating (for Andrea M.'s birthday. A glorious night of sequins and spandex. The theme somehow became "Bad" - as in Michael Jackson - on ice. It was pretty fantastic.)
  
• the Dead Crow (a "saloon" in the backyard of the guys' house. They built a saloon on their patio with swinging doors and everything - including a Tom Selleck picture. It oversees a canyon and was quite nice. However, the highlight of the night was the dance-off.)
• Flood Church (not too big, but still bigger than what I'm what used to. I liked the pastor and all the various ministries at the church.)

it's a Sufjan Stevens day :) I can't wait to go home after work and fall asleep at 8 p.m. (Don't call me after 8 Johny!)

Cut

I keep forgetting I cut my hair and get a little weirded out when people at the office stare at me. Then, they finally say something and I'm relieved they're not weird. And, I eventually feel like the goober for forgetting that I pretty much cut off 2/3 of my hair.

I'm thinking of going shorter.... Hmm, I think I'm getting myself into a dangerous habit.

My place.

As soon as I walked in, I knew and *felt* it was my place.

• studio apartment
• on 8th (I just keep moving closer to Whole Foods; I've now gone from 4th to 6th and now 8th in Hillcrest. Oh, and the place is closer to my yoga studio.)
  
• hardwood floors
• open, and not too small
• sky light
• separate bathroom and kitchen
• an ironing board that comes out from the wall!!!
  
• an ice box!! (the place was built in 1929; there's even a secret door for the ice man to drop off the ice. I'm kind of bummed it won't get used.)
• a murphy bed (for guests :) )
• and here's the thing that sold me - a nice walk-in closet. It's not that big because the space is shared with the murphy bed, but there's a large shelf on top. I immediately envisioned all my shoes in their happy homes sitting pretty on the shelf.
  

My first place alone.
I feel like a grown-up.

Radiohead & Reading

I had the absolute pleasure of attending a Radiohead concert. It was simply amazing and the best concert I've attended in my entire life (thus far). JJ and I kept turning towards each other after EVERY song to say, "That was amazing," "This is unbelievable," "This is an amazing concert". We knew we were experiencing something special during the entire concert. The night started out as a fun night because we went in JJ's '63 Chevy, his pride and joy. The car is pretty rad and has a crazy stereo system. JJ happened to have a Snoop Dogg CD in, which baffled the Radiohead fans waiting in line to get in. As we passed by, I think they were first confused by the music, then the car, then the two people sitting in the car. I wish I would have taken pictures of some of the facial expressions. Once we got in, it was excellent people-watching. Radiohead fans are so diverse. JJ and I just sat on a bench and made up stories about people as they walked by. THEN, the magic happened: JJ's hook-up escorted us to the pit. From this moment on, I was 100% giddy.

They started the set with 15 Step. I love that song. My favorites in the show: All I Need, Nude, Where I End and You Begin, Climbing Up The Walls, Just, Paranoid Android and Videotape. They ended the whole show with a super long version of Everything in its Right Place. Pure perfection. I was on a music high for the next couple of days after the show.

***
If you have some time, I highly recommend the following books:

• Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs: witty look at pop culture (there's a chapter analyzing 'Saved by the Bell' - it's pretty fantastic)
  
• Killing Yourself to Live: road trip visiting places where rock stars died
• The Complete Maus: graphic novel about a holocaust survivor's son documenting his father's story
• American Splendor
• Dreams From My Father: It turns out Obama's a good writer too. :)

Selling my soul

I've been putting off this public relations project for a long time. Months. My first deadline was April. Then, my second deadline was before I leave for Korea.

After returning from Korea, I had hoped that this project would magically and wonderfully disappear, but of course, it did not. The real reason why I didn't want to work on this project was because it's a public relations fluff piece for a program that I don't agree with. JJ has warned me about this: "You know Liu, you're going to have to do things you don't like and don't agree with at this office... It's just the way it goes. I have to do it all the time, and it just makes me work harder on our other programs." JJ does get caught up in it way more than me simply because he does more politicking. I guess it's not that bad... I've been here for over a couple of years and this is the first time where I've felt forced to do something I don't agree with. I think JJ's been protecting me.

Anyway, back to this project. So, Steve finally gave me a REAL deadline of the end of August. I procrastinated and now today, I hate myself. I hate having to only write about the positive aspects of a program when I can only see the negative facets.

I'm working for the man.
Today's one of those days when I really question how long I can last in this place and I find myself thinking about South Africa a lot.

Ugh.

It's not me,
it's you.

Don't worry.
I would never say that to anyone.

Hmmm, what have I been up to?

It's been a love-filled couple of weeks. I feel quite blessed and happy.
Although, it has been quite sad without Kristine. BUT, the goodbye gave us an excuse to be extra gushy and hold hands for longer. This, I enjoyed.

***
I dog-sat for Roxanne, a friend/co-worker for three weeks. Her place was awesome because it has high ceilings and her art is displayed everywhere. My mom said it reminded her of "Rear Window" because all the studio apartments had big windows and you could see into all the homes. Mama Liu said she thought the people who lived there felt a sense of community because you could see other people although you didn't interact with them. I thought it was a valid point.

The best part about staying at Roxanne's place was Stella. It was love at first sight. Roxanne saved her from a shelter a while ago. She thinks Stella was abused when she was younger because she's terrified of people, especially men. Although, she strangely seemed to like Drew. The stranger part was Dr. Drewlittle kept insisting we call her Choco because she's the color of chocolate. Stella eventually liked Johny too, but I think it was because he serenaded her. She never warmed up to Mark even when he was trying to do his 'Dog Whisperer' stuff. Either way, I think Stella has become a lot more social and less scared. Whenever we would go on our walks and she would act super scared of someone walking, I would say, "Stop acting weird Stella!" and she would actually stop. I'm sure if someone actually saw that little interaction they would think I'm very weird. Oh well.
***
Paul Oh happened to be in San Diego yesterday. He wanted to see the public art along the harbor. I think he's the only other person in this world who loves seeing those sculptures as much as me. It's fun when friends can admire art together.

Quote of the Day

Nick (to Kristin when she interrupted him talking to me): This is a conversation between a rake and a shovel. No hose allowed.
Kristin: You're calling me a ho?

I heart The Submarines.

(thanks Drew)

Say what you will
Love finds you even when,
You've given it up

Everybody deserves to be adored
Why would you settle for less
When the world gives you more?

Lunch with the AmeriCorps* Crew

Mama Liu came to the office and had lunch with the AmeriCorps crew. She was pretty excited about meeting the DA and Assistant DA. But, she was mainly happy about seeing JJ because she adores him. If it was up to her, I would work at the DA's Office under JJ for the rest of my life.

It was fun watching her interact with JJ. I realized that my mommy is pretty funny. She has wit and is very opinionated. She definitely expresses those opinions. My favorite part was when she was all up in JJ's business and told him that he should read the Bible.

Then, JJ shared an interesting thing he learned the other day:
JJ: You know, the other day, I saw on T.V. that when people who keep in touch with family and garden or do some sort of little exercise, they live longer. I think it's just a better life that way.
Mama Liu: So, people talking to family and friends and gardening, and you must add reading good books.
JJ (embarrassingly shocked because he's not much of a reader): Oh, I'll have to remember that one.
Mama Liu: It's better if you read the Bible. (This is the third time she's mentioned to him within a 10-minute conversation.)

Weeks o' Fun

Last week's highlights:

• playing every night,
• seeing Kristine and/or Sharon every night,
• meeting Jimmy of The Album Leaf,
• the grilled cheese sandwich at the Starlite Lounge,
• slumber party at Mark's,
  
• hanging out at the beach.

Last week's lowlights:

• staying out every night past my bedtime and going to work the next day,
• Sharon moving back to Orange County.

This week's highlights:

• Mama staying with me for her birthday week,
• going to the farmer's market with Mama,
• hanging out with Stella (the cutest dog ever.).

This week's lowlights:

• Mama not liking Stella,
• Mama not going to my yoga class with me,
• Mama fell and hurt her ribcage.

Tonight, we're going to MOCA. Tomorrow, the Del Mar Horse Races! And The Bravery! I can't wait to see my mom at the concert.

My mom leaves me notes in the fridge.

It’s not the most common place for the exchange of notes, but it’s actually quite effective. I never miss the notes. Usually, the notes relate to food I should eat, food I should take to SD and/or the temperature of the house (close the window, leave the windows open, turn the A/C off, etc.). She also usually draws smiley faces and they’re really cute because the face is really round and the eyes are squinting.

I visited my mom at church this past Saturday because she’s a Sunday School teacher for the nursery department. I’ve been hearing about her students ever since she started teaching about a month ago. She finds it so fascinating that these two-and-half-year-old to three-year-old kids have such unique personalities. I felt like I already knew them when I first met them on Saturday. They were so much fun and it was indeed so interesting to watch them all interact. One kid just observed all the other kids. I wondered what he thought. It was more fun watching my mom interact with the kids because she doesn’t talk to them like they’re kids. Overall, Saturday was a day of much laughter.
***
I saw a couple of white butterflies around the plants outside my mom’s place Sunday morning. I like butterflies and they made me smile. Then, I drove down the road and noticed there were white butterflies everywhere along the side of the road. I figured it was a Lake Elsinore thing. But, the whole way to church along the freeway, I saw these white butterflies flittering around so free and happy. Ok, maybe they weren’t happy, but I like to believe so. At one point, they were flying towards my car and I was simply amazed. I surprised myself with a giggle.
***
August is full of goodbyes. Heidi’s leaving for Korea. Kristine’s leaving for Michigan. Sharon’s leaving San Diego. I’ll still get to see her, but still… I will miss them all terribly.
***
It was one of those weekends when I was filled with gratitude. There’s so much to be thankful for.

Even walking to work today, I felt overwhelmed with wonder and gratitude.

quotes from pals

JJ:

• “I watched ‘Love Story’ when I was four years old at the drive-in and I was sitting there in the backseat all alone, grieving by myself.”
• A few people whistled at JJ at the gay pride parade – “At my age, any attention is good. Fuck it.”
• “One day, we’ll watch some news conference with the DA on TV, see the press room in the background and remember how we were up in that room talking shit.”

Jonathan

• "I just study all day in the back room with no light. I'm like a troll. A troll with a really good vocabulary."

Irene

• At Comic-Con: "Yeah, so guys will come up to me and tell me, 'you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen'. I awkwardly say 'thaaanks' and think 'you're weird'. They've probably only seen like two girls in their life, so the compliment isn't even legit."

Smiles of a Summer Night

Men are horrible, vain and conceited. They have hair all over their bodies.

I laughed.

And then the summer night smiled for the third time. For the sad, the depressed, the sleepless, the confused, the frightened, the lonely.

I felt wistful.

Pleasant San Francisco Moments

• the car ride from the airport to Mon's place when Andrew (Mon's roommate) and Pete (Mon's boyfriend) had a conversation without even understanding one another. It was absolutely hilarious. I was sitting in the front, so I could tell which word each person misheard. But, it didn't even matter because the conversation would continue. It was like they were speaking different languages, yet communicating. Absolutely hilarious.
• lying in bed while reading and hearing a gentle knock. "Your tea is ready," says Andrew. We had a pleasant morning drinking tea and talking. I watched him roll up his joints, he got stoned and turned on "That's Entertainment 2". I think it's great that he believes that Fred Astaire is a true baller.
  
• date night with Jenn. We had a nice time reflecting on life at a classy bar.
• people-watching at the Hustler Club. It was so interesting.
  
• meeting Johny (who really spells his name with one "N"!). He was great fun.
  
• exploring the Frida Kahlo exhibit at SFMOMA. Her work exudes sadness and beauty to me.
  
• lots of silly moments with Mon and the rats.
  
• walking around the city.

I simply enjoyed spending time with Mon. We laugh so much; I really appreciate that.

Oh, Nick

I told Nick what Charlotte said in response to his comment regarding my death tree (It's okay. I'm sure your paper will go in a lovely sketchbook. This warmed my heart), and here's what he said:

I guesssss.
Either that or what I was thinking was like toilet paper.

What am I going to do with this boy? He sort of reminds me of my past tutor kids. He'll ask me how to spell things, what certain words mean and I find myself responding to him the same way I used to with my tutor kids:

• Nick, look it up in a dictionary.
  
• I don't want to enable you.
  
• You're a bright kid Nick.
  

July Jubilee!

If you're going to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you're going to San Francisco
You're gonna meet some gentle people there

I can't wait for:

• playing with Mon.
  
• consuming lots of chocolate while drinking a glass of wine with Jen (Mon's friend/ex-roomie) as we talk about everything and nothing.
• watching fireworks on Friday.
• museums galore!
• fun picture-taking opportunities.
• visiting Mon at her new place of employment, the Hustler Club. That'll be interesting.

As soon as I get back on Monday, it's off to supervisor training for AmeriCorps in L.A. I look forward to learning, taking notes and a lot of free time by the pool. I hope I get everything I expect.

The following week, I'm off at Grief Recovery Training. Luckily, the DA is not going. Now, I only have to bear my soul with 10 other co-workers. Actually, I'm looking forward to the training and JJ thinks it'll be good for me. I believe him.

Yep, that's right. I'm out of the office for half of the month in July! It's pretty rad.

abandoned...

abandoned...

and broken...Why do I find it all so beautiful?
...
I can't help but take pictures of "weird things" (according to JJ). About three weeks ago, we were on the freeway and I saw an abandoned shoe on the side. It looked so sad and beautiful with its laces undone and so alone. I saw the image in my head: the solitary shoe, painted yellow line, and a center divider. It was perfect. We were stuck in traffic, so I hurriedly grabbed for my camera and told JJ to go slowly. Of course he speeds up and I miss the shot. I can still visualize the image in my head and I guess that's where it'll remain.

I wonder what happened to the other shoe.

My Death Tree

We had a conversation about death today.

Me: I want to donate my body, and hopefully they can use the rest for an environmental burial.
Nick (my new very flamboyant student worker): Does that even exist Ms. Liu?
Me: Yes, I've looked into it.
(Nick wants to be cremated, then put in a coffin and buried. I told him that made no sense and it would be a waste of space. After some argumentative banter...)
Nick: You know what?! Your tree's just going to get cut down and turned into paper!

I'm sad.

These are a few of my favorite words:

.hope.
.wonder.
.imagine.
.light.
.peace.
.beauty.
.joy.
.bliss.
.love.
.patience.
.sincerity.
.clarity.
.belief.
.found.
.grateful.
.reprieve.
.safe.
.forgiven.
.free.

Heated Hair

In my inbox:

You are confirmed to attend the Grief Recovery Training scheduled for July 14th - 17th at Marina Village.

My first reaction: a sound that made Kristin ask, "Did someone punch you in the gut?"

How this all came to be...

Our boss, the DA thought some of the employees at the office should attend grief recovery training to learn more about how to interact with people dealing with grief (e.g. victims of crimes, victim's family members, etc.). So, many of the Victim Advocates have attended the training. She also sent some of her executive staff, which includes JJ (my boss) and Michelle (the CEO and my mentor at work). I enjoyed making fun of them having to go because they dreaded it so much. Besides learning about how to work with other people's grief, the attendees had to talk/write about their own grief issues. I knew this killed JJ. Their sweet revenge: making me go.

What's worse? I happen to be in the same group as the boss. The big boss, the DA.
Awkweird.