A simple question

Doctor's office receptionist: Are you the subscriber of your insurance?
Me: Sorry?
Doctor's office receptionist: Is your husband the primary subscriber?

I choke.
On air.

Grace's Sports Day?

It's that time of the year ...
when sickness strikes.

I felt pretty crummy over the weekend. I slept. And slept. And slept some more. I feel much better today - pretty much completely well. Sunday was quite a lazy day. I woke up, took a shower, decided I was too dizzy to go to church, went back to sleep and woke up again completely disoriented because I thought it was Monday.

I woke up (the second time) just in time for the Brazil v. Australia soccer game. Brazil was amazing! They're so fun to watch. I've pretty much been swept into the whirlpool of the World Cup craze. I watched the Korea v. France game next. It wasn't as exciting after watching brilliant Brazil, but I still enjoyed it. I watched the game with Mon via telephone.

I somehow got sucked into watching the U.S. Open golf tournament. I caught the end of it and found it quite captivating.

Soon after that ended, I watched game 5 of the NBA Finals. Wow! What an exciting game! My mommy was even getting into it towards the end. She couldn't watch the end because she said she was too nervous.

Happy Flag Day

Things I learned from doing research about Flag Day:

• Flag Etiquette: There is no greater insult than to fly a flag upside down.
• Flag designs do change, and care must be taken to ensure that the flag you fly is correct and current. The most comprehensive source for this information is The Flag Research Center, Winchester, Massachusetts.
• When the flags of two or more nations are flown together, each flag should be displayed from a separate pole of the same height, and each flag should be the same size. In time of peace, international custom forbids the display of the flag of one nation above that of another nation. Flying the flags of two nations on the same pole is a sign of war-time victory. It will be interpreted as a serious insult. An alternative to an outdoor flag display, where flagpoles are limited, is to post the flags in your reception area and/or conference room.

When I was a child, I used to go through my encyclopedias for fun. The "F" encyclopedia was always quite fun because of all the flags. I tried to memorize all the flags, but my brain couldn't handle it.

Happy Birthday Ames.

Imaginary Reality

I've been contemplating a few issues of mine for the past couple of months. I found self-reflectiveness quite refreshing, yet disgusting as time and perspective magnified my fualts and mistakes. I also realized that self reflection can often lead to egotistical and selfish thoughts.

Thinking leads to writing. So far, I have a couple of typed pages, four napkins and two receipts with random notes that only make sense in my mind. It has been both fun and overwhelming transcribing the make-believe world in my mind to actual dialogue, scenes and characters. The most intriguing part of this entire process has been the blurring lines between reality and fiction. I try to stick to fiction, but I can't help but write about what I know best, which is my life and my perspective. However, my faulty memory fails to be an accurate account. Therefore, what I think is/was reality may not be at all. Contemplating this boggles my mind because then I wonder whether I truly remember anything at all. I suppose even the events, people, conversations I remember inevitably go through pasteurization in my mind. After some time, I tend to begin idealizing everything in the past. The people who once hurt me turn into heroes. I kill all the negative and harmful thoughts.

It's hard to tell whether my stories are even my own or the ones I made up in my idealistic mind.

JuJu Quote of the Day

I will go through life not knowing names, but I will know their spirit.
- JJ defending himself when I said he was ridiculous for not knowing the name of a woman he claims has a crush on him.

JJ is my supervisor. I call him JuJu at times because the spell check on outlook always tries to change his name to JuJu.

By the way, here's the definition for juju according to dictionary.com in case you're curious:
ju·ju n.
An object used as a fetish, a charm, or an amulet in West Africa.
The supernatural power ascribed to such an object.
A style of Nigerian popular music featuring electric guitars and traditional drums.

I want to love.

I feel overwhelmed when I think about the world and its unfathomable number of inhabitants, the unknown lands, abyssal waters, the diversity of life in rainforests, the complexity of oppression, poverty, disease, and politics. Once I begin thinking about one issue, my mind transforms into a chaotic web of ideas and emotions as one thought exponentially expands in every direction beyond my realm. I get stuck in the middle as the web seems to grow thicker. I can’t catch up. I eventually give up; I stand frozen and helpless.

I dream of a poverty-free and peace-loving world, but reality traps me in this web.

I was a child with countless thoughts roaming around in my little head with a mind that soon began to outgrow its physical containment. I was intrigued by the world. I lived in wonder and curiosity. As I began to read and live in books, my thirst for answers only became more desperate. How could I live in such freedom while a child my age in Africa would struggle everyday to find enough firewood to sell for food? How could there be hunger in this world when there were kids in my cafeteria throwing away trays of food because it was cardboard pizza day? The world made no sense to me. It still makes no sense to me. I am bewildered and baffled. I am enchanted by the world’s hidden beauty and mystery. As a child, I was disturbed to see such ugliness in the world, but I believed it had to possess goodness and beauty as well. I wanted to discover the world, fall in love with it.

I fell in love.

South Africa was a perfect microcosm of my view of the world as a child. As I traversed the beautiful desert plains, my love affair with the world grew larger than my soul could contain. The children in Africa I imagined as a child all became a true, sad and beautiful reality. I experienced the beauty of hope and redemption speaking with the HIV patients at a village hospital, hearing the stories of raped women, and listening to old men reflect upon the country’s history and politics outside the convenient store porch. I realized that in a seemingly despondent and hopeless place, hope lies in the people.

I am in love.

Words, words, words

A book begins as a private excitement of the mind...
- E.L. Doctorow

Pardon me while I burst...

A decade ago, I never thought I would be at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me.

I'm scared of lighting matches. The sound of the ignited match, the flame's sudden growth and its close proximity to my fingers all scare me. The flame always seems to devour the match so quickly.

Shuffle

I usually end up skipping a few songs when I put music on shuffle, but I had a good run this morning without a single skip:

1. They Say (feat. Kanye West, John Legend) - Common
2. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World
3. A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie
4. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
5. The Shining - Badly Drawn Boy
6. Warning Sign - Coldplay
7. Everything's Not Lost - Coldplay

and then I was off to meetings.

Visual Stimulation

I've watched several movies, plays and documentaries the past couple of weeks (and went to a concert). I recommend the following:

• Afghanistan Unveiled: a documentary about Afghan women by Afghan women journalists. It was heart-breaking and enlightening.
• The Sort of Happy Ending to the Sad Sad Tale of Mr. Ali Ali, Or: The Lighter Side of Outsourcing Torture: A play by Craig Abernethy based on the practices of extraordinary rendition, which is "an American extra-judicial procedure which involves the sending of criminal suspects, generally suspected terrorists or alleged supporters of groups which the US Government considers to be terrorist organizations, to countries other than the United States for imprisonment and interrogation" (Wikipedia).
• Tsotsi: A South African movie about a gang member who hijacks a car one night and later discovers a baby in the back seat. He crudely takes care of the baby and we slowly see his transformation. Set against the backdrop of poverty and AIDS, this movie was a beautiful story of redemption. The townships were amazingly shot - very impressionistic. I want to go back...
• A Special Day: A 1977 film by Ettore Scola featuring Sophia Loren and Marcello Mastroianni. Great acting, a simple story, brilliant work with the camera and sounds. The movie was intriguing and alluring.
• G. Love and Special Sauce concert: Thanks Ames. It was uber rad and so fun. We somehow ended up in the front row, which was a bit intimidating. The special sauce was quite special and G. Love, well... that guy plays a mean harmonica. I enjoyed every minute!

Well, I think that wraps up the entertainment report. Maybe I'll write something of more substance later on... 'til then..

Looking for something to open my eyes

Housewarming/Potluck/DOB Shindy

Last week was a fun bonding-with-Andrea week. We made crafts every night, shopped for groceries and had nice talks. We have fun things in common. I'm so glad we both like ugly things.
Saturday:
Andrea and I woke up early and hit the thrift store circuit to find ourselves some frames, dishes, a crockpot thingie (for her bread) and a punch bowl. We figured it was cheaper to buy dishes than paper plates. We found a set at a garage sale for $5!

Once we finished our shopping, the cooking began. I can't believe we cooked everything we did in our tiny kitchen using one oven. The kitchen use planning paid off. We had a good system of cooking and doing dishes to free up space. Andrea and I had so much fun in the kitchen. She loves to bake, so she's a whiz in the kitchen. I, on the other hand, mess up rice. So, I was quite nervous about making lasagna. I heard it's hard to mess up lasagna, but I had confidence that I would find a way to ruin it.

After about 3 hours of prep work of cutting, roasting, grating and mixing the cheese, etc. the lasagna finally made it into the oven. I started helping Andrea peel apples for her amazing apple pie. It truly turned out AMAZING. For those of you who couldn't come, you must come visit and beg Andrea to make you apple pie. Right around 4:30, a wave of tiredness crashed into me and I sat on the couch for a few minutes. I was supposed to be washing our dishes we bought in the morning. I wished we had bought paper plates. However, I caught a second wind and went back to work. Plus, Johny came and was a wonderful helper. The Johny Jungle Juice was spectacular. I still had to make Grace Guacamole. I made it really fast and called it a good day in the kitchen.

Fun moments of the evening:

• my worlds colliding. A bit awkward at times, but still fun.
• people enjoying lasagna. I was so relieved and happy that people liked it.
• Simpsons Clue. Andrea and I want to play all the time now. Anyone want to come over?
• Andrea's random friends (she met while apartment hunting) coming in with their instruments and playing in our living room. The fiddler was uber rad!
• watching people draw on our coffee table. We asked our guests to draw elephants with their eyes closed. It was fun watching Andy draw an elephant with its eyes closed too.
• doing dishes with Dan and watching him imitate the Survivors of Torture logo. You gotta see it; ask him to show you.
• watching the continuous flow of people in our home. I was continuously pleasantly surprised.

Thank you everyone who came! The home felt so warm, even after everyone left. Andrea and I sat in the dark living room after we finished cleaning and soaked in the warmth of all our guests. Our home really feels like a home now.

On this day...

Robert Koch announced the discovery of the bacterium that causes tuberculosis in 1882. Today is World Tuberculosis Day.

Queen Elizabeth I died in 1602. I wish I could have been friends with Elizabeth.

In 1980, Nightline debuted. Although Ted Koppel irritates me at times, I like this show.

Also on this day, the tanker Exxon Valdez spilled more than 11 million gallons of oil in Prince William Sound, Alaska in 1989. What an evironmental mess!

In 1999, NATO bombed Yugoslavia.

Laugh

Andrea and I went to the San Diego Latino Film Festival last night. We watched Viva Cuba, a movie about Malu, a young girl who runs away from her home with Jorgito, her friend because her mother plans to leave Fidel Castro's Cuba. They both have a crush on one another, but they always fight. The movie was a delight. I really liked it visually as well because of all the wide shots. There were a few surreal sequences and overall, the composition of each shot was beautiful. I enjoyed watching the dynamics between the little girl and boy. Their relationship was so funny and cute. The movie was a perfect light-hearted movie that made us laugh. We both needed to laugh. It was nice to laugh.

If we hug each other hard enough, no one will be able to separate us.

Pleasant Evening and Morning

I came home around 4:30, cleaned, organized and went out for a walk. I really like the area where I live. The small streets are peppered with small bookstores, thrift stores and restaurants. I'm looking forward to exploring San Diego. I live near Balboa Park where they have so many museums in one place! I think they have at least 10. Every Tuesday is free museum day. I believe the Museum of Photographic Arts is free today. I might go check it out today after work.

After I came back from my walk, I sat in the yellow chair in our living room for a while. I invite everyone to drop by and sit in this yellow chair; I guarantee it will make you smile.

I put on some jazz as I prepared dinner and the jazz continued throughout the evening and this morning. There's nothing like listening to John Coltrane's In A Sentimental Mood while eating dinner and reading. I ended the night with some Miles Davis.

I started this morning with Charlie Parker and Ella Fitzgerald. I woke up earlier than I should have so I began the day with some prayer, had an extra cup of tea and read a little bit of God's Word in the one spot where the sunlight warms the room. Jeremiah is getting really interesting. It's scary to read about God's wrath and anger, but it's a good reality check and puts things in perspective.

At around 7:35 a.m., I walked outside and waited for JJ and Marianne to come by and pick me up for work. As I watched other cars drive by, I remembered being in Indonesia and praying for everyone who drove by and the people we drove by. Those prayers felt so necessary because we weren't sure when or how they would ever hear the gospel. I wondered why I didn't feel that sense of urgency here in the States. So I began to pray. Five minutes passed when JJ drove up, stopped the car and drove forward as I reached for the door handle. He thought he was pretty funny for a good 10 minutes after I got in the car.

Now I'm at work where I should be working because we have quite a few meetings today, but I wanted to think about the pleasant evening and morning. I smile.

Reprieved

To find some beautiful place to get lost

I can't stop listening to Elliott Smith. So sad and soothing. I like...

On repeat:

• Last Hour
• Can't Make A Sound
• Let's Get Lost
• Trouble
• A Passing Feeling
• Stupidity Tries
• A Distorted Reality Is Now A Necessity To Be Free
• Bye
• Easy Way Out
• Coast To Coast
• Single File
• The Biggest Lie
• Thirteen
• Everything Means Nothing To Me

why should you want any other, when you're a world within a world?

Exhausted

.

...

Today is

International Women's Day.

Facts (from World Vision)

1. It is estimated that 2 million children—mostly girls—are enslaved in the global sex trade.
2. Between 60 and 100 million women who should be alive today are “missing” as a result of violence associated with gender discrimination.
3. Globally, one woman dies every minute due to problems related to pregnancy.
4. Ninety-nine percent of these deaths are in the developing world.
5. Women earn only 10 percent of the world’s income, yet they work two out of three of all labor hours worldwide.
6. More than 2.5 million children are at risk each year of contracting HIV from their mothers, even though preventative interventions are inexpensive.
7. Every year, an estimated 10,000 girls from Myanmar are recruited (many forcibly) to work in Thai brothels.

To do something about it, check out the World Vision website.

In Memory of ... Vaginas ... and Explosions

I like to read obituaries. I got into it when my first assignment in news reporting was to write obits. I think I like to read them as a way of not forgetting the deceased person existed.

There's something beautifully tragic about reading about a person's life after he/she has died. Did the deceased person know that people admired him/her so? Did the deceased person take time to really appreciate his/her accomplishments? Or was the person too busy trying to fulfill new goals never realizing what he/she had already accomplished?

It's a bit odd to read about someone I never knew and admire his/her accomplishments. I'm always left in awe as I read about their lives. I wonder what my own obituary will say after I die. Will I even have an obituary?

I hope my life reflects love rather than accomplishments. I truly do hope... It's not a very fun read though, but oh well.

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I watched Beverly perform in the Vagina Monologues last Saturday. It was... interesting and enlightening.

Quote of the day: I'm counting on you vaginas to look out for other vaginas! - Beverly rebuking Marianne and me after not inviting her to a meeting and blaming it on JJ.
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I feel like an empty shell. A torn up left-over empty shell after the bomb has exploded.

32 flavors

Squint your eyes and look closer
I’m not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I’m beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you’re going to get hungry
And eat most of the words you just said