An Odd Awakening

I woke up this morning with this strange feeling and overpowering thought: Things aren't going to be the same; I'm different.

Yeah, it sounds weird and I didn't quite understand it. I didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing. Anyway, that was the first thought that crossed my mind this morning and I believed it to be true and real as the sound of my alarm. I couldn't quite understand why I believed that statement to be true; I just did and couldn't help it. I went to work and walked into JJ's office. Before I even said a word, he said, "There's something different about you." I was shocked, but not really. At this point, JJ's super intuitive powers are expressed to me nearly every other day. So I asked him how I was different because I was curious and didn't have an explanation myself. He couldn't quite explain it either. I told him about my feeling/thought this morning and he said he believes I'm on the cusp of discovering something. "I think you're closer to where you want to be than you think you are," he said. That was nice to hear.

It's a mystery, but an exciting and fun one. It's been a pleasantly odd day.

***
I haven't realized until recently that I've been a "yes" person for most of my life. I often take on more than I can handle, then finally break down and get sick. It's been a pattern in my life, but I never bothered to do anything about it because I got used to it.

Recently, I was pretty stressed out at work and my superiors had a meeting about me with me in the room. Yeah, it was awkward. They talked about me as if I wasn't even there. "I feel like I'm playing tug-of-war with you for Grace's time." "Grace doesn't say 'no', so it's hard to tell when she's overworked." "I'm constantly trying to take stuff away from Grace because I know she takes on too much." It was strange to listen to everyone talk about me and I thought to myself, "Geez, what a submissive and spineless girl this Grace is. Why is she making everyone worry about her?" The conclusion/resolution of the discussion: I need to say "no" more often. The thing is I didn't realize I was taking on too much and that's the problem. JJ is constantly having to look out for me, but when am I ever going to have another boss like JJ? So, this is something I need to fix. I've already started practicing my new healthy way of working by saying "no" to two people today. I felt a little guilty, but mainly relieved. I feel thankful that my bosses are constantly taking care of me, but I realize I need to stand up for myself more. Plus, it must be tiring for my bosses to have to constantly protect and fight for me. The dynamics have already changed within the last week and it's good.