I don't think I really live in reality. And I don't have an idea of what reality is. The past is but a vague memory, the future unknown and I don't really live in the present either. Where am I? I think I live in my thoughts.
Anywho, I'm a bit nervous and excited about this week. It feels good to feel prepared, but I still feel a bit uneasy about it all. Plus, I need to spend time in the Word no matter how busy I am. Seriously. I'm starving.
It's a nice, cool night now. It makes me want to go to the beach and stare closely at the waves crashing. I like being mesmerized by the glowing white foam that gathers with each roaring wave.
24.7.05
17.7.05
Smile/Frown
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
wonderfully fantastic. Johnny Depp rocks my world. How/why is he so good? He makes me smile.
The Week Ahead
will be quite busy, but I suppose it's better to be busy than not (?), or that's something I keep trying to brainwash myself to believe. Anywho, I'm not too stressed 'cause it's all about taking it one day at a time. I just wish I didn't look/feel so tired; it's quite embarassing and I feel bad. Every time I go tutor Minsoo, he says I always look tired. I feel bad about it. I even try to look extra energetic before tutoring. I take about 5 deep breaths, pat my cheeks three times, then let out a nice, "ok, here we go." before I go inside to tutor. But as soon as I see him, the moment he says, "Whoa, you look tired," I feel uber dumb for doing what I just did in the car... all for nothing. This makes me frown. But this week, I don't think I'll be as tired. I had a relaxing weekend.
I heart Coldplay.
So, I've been binging on Coldplay these days (of course, this makes me smile). I haven't bought the new album yet 'cause I don't want to be disappointed. How can you really get any better than the previous albums? Plus, I think Gwyneth has tainted the creative mind of Chris; this makes me frown.
Rewind
Have you ever wished you could turn back time or that you could have the remote control for life. I recently was reminded of this. When I was a kid, I used to always imagine what it would be like if I could rewind, fast forward, or pause life. I can still vividly remember the images in my mind. It's quite strange being that I have an awful memory. How do I remember stuff like that? The imagination is fun. 100 cool points for God for thinking of that one. I smile.
let’s go back to the start
wonderfully fantastic. Johnny Depp rocks my world. How/why is he so good? He makes me smile.
The Week Ahead
will be quite busy, but I suppose it's better to be busy than not (?), or that's something I keep trying to brainwash myself to believe. Anywho, I'm not too stressed 'cause it's all about taking it one day at a time. I just wish I didn't look/feel so tired; it's quite embarassing and I feel bad. Every time I go tutor Minsoo, he says I always look tired. I feel bad about it. I even try to look extra energetic before tutoring. I take about 5 deep breaths, pat my cheeks three times, then let out a nice, "ok, here we go." before I go inside to tutor. But as soon as I see him, the moment he says, "Whoa, you look tired," I feel uber dumb for doing what I just did in the car... all for nothing. This makes me frown. But this week, I don't think I'll be as tired. I had a relaxing weekend.
I heart Coldplay.
So, I've been binging on Coldplay these days (of course, this makes me smile). I haven't bought the new album yet 'cause I don't want to be disappointed. How can you really get any better than the previous albums? Plus, I think Gwyneth has tainted the creative mind of Chris; this makes me frown.
Rewind
Have you ever wished you could turn back time or that you could have the remote control for life. I recently was reminded of this. When I was a kid, I used to always imagine what it would be like if I could rewind, fast forward, or pause life. I can still vividly remember the images in my mind. It's quite strange being that I have an awful memory. How do I remember stuff like that? The imagination is fun. 100 cool points for God for thinking of that one. I smile.
let’s go back to the start
15.7.05
A Moment to Think
I'm home-home today. I feel uber relaxed and quite happy. Last night, Ames and I chatted for a little bit and she asked if I had a drink 'cause i sounded so relaxed. It's nice to be home-home and not have any tutoring (my tutoring got cancelled today). Today is a day of mellowness. I want to go to the beach.
Fullerton Tutors
It's definitely been a challenge trying to balance what the parents want for their kids, what the place wants for the kids and what I think they should learn before going back to school. I finally broke down this week. Thanks Andy, Paul and Ames for dealing with my break down and encouraging me. The last two days this week post-break-down were good. I'm falling for some of the kids. We play a question game in my 4/5 combo class where they pick a question from a bag and answer it. Vanesa blew me away.
Vanesa's question: If you could trade places with someone for a day, who would you trade places with?
Vanesa: a blind person.
Me: huh? what? why? (most kids choose the president or teachers so they could make homework illegal)
Vanesa: so that person could see for a day.
I seriously had to hold back the tears. The next day she insisted that she sit in between my two punks so they wouldn't be able to talk as much. It made a huge difference. Thank you Vanesa.
The kids look so cute when they're so quiet and studying hard. I just stare at them and want to hug them.
Small Group
A few of us met up for dinner on Wednesday to plan things out. It was quite an encouraging time talking about how we're all doing spiritually. I realize that I really need to work on being joyful at all times instead of being so swayed by circumstances.
Job Hunt
I'm not as stressed out about finding a job these days. I realize that it doesn't help any to worry about it. I've prayed about it a lot more, which I think helps. I keep having to remind myself that God is the one in control and he's the ultimate planner, so I just need to let go. I like to plan, but God is much better at it than I am. I was talking to Mira SMN about it and she said, 'You know Grace, God loves it when you're unsure of the future and feeling uneasy 'cause that's when he can really show you how powerful he is... You'll know for sure that it's all Him and not you.' I look forward to that.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
comes out today!!! I'm uber excited. I re-read the book this week and it was so fun. I was excited before for it, but now I really can't wait to see it.
Overall
feeling good. I was feeling overwhelmed this week, but I think it'll be okay. A challenging couple of weeks ahead. But what will help me through? The Word, prayer, friends and my ipod.
Nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world.
I want to see the beauty.
Fullerton Tutors
It's definitely been a challenge trying to balance what the parents want for their kids, what the place wants for the kids and what I think they should learn before going back to school. I finally broke down this week. Thanks Andy, Paul and Ames for dealing with my break down and encouraging me. The last two days this week post-break-down were good. I'm falling for some of the kids. We play a question game in my 4/5 combo class where they pick a question from a bag and answer it. Vanesa blew me away.
Vanesa's question: If you could trade places with someone for a day, who would you trade places with?
Vanesa: a blind person.
Me: huh? what? why? (most kids choose the president or teachers so they could make homework illegal)
Vanesa: so that person could see for a day.
I seriously had to hold back the tears. The next day she insisted that she sit in between my two punks so they wouldn't be able to talk as much. It made a huge difference. Thank you Vanesa.
The kids look so cute when they're so quiet and studying hard. I just stare at them and want to hug them.
Small Group
A few of us met up for dinner on Wednesday to plan things out. It was quite an encouraging time talking about how we're all doing spiritually. I realize that I really need to work on being joyful at all times instead of being so swayed by circumstances.
Job Hunt
I'm not as stressed out about finding a job these days. I realize that it doesn't help any to worry about it. I've prayed about it a lot more, which I think helps. I keep having to remind myself that God is the one in control and he's the ultimate planner, so I just need to let go. I like to plan, but God is much better at it than I am. I was talking to Mira SMN about it and she said, 'You know Grace, God loves it when you're unsure of the future and feeling uneasy 'cause that's when he can really show you how powerful he is... You'll know for sure that it's all Him and not you.' I look forward to that.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
comes out today!!! I'm uber excited. I re-read the book this week and it was so fun. I was excited before for it, but now I really can't wait to see it.
Overall
feeling good. I was feeling overwhelmed this week, but I think it'll be okay. A challenging couple of weeks ahead. But what will help me through? The Word, prayer, friends and my ipod.
Nothing is more powerful than beauty in a wicked world.
I want to see the beauty.
8.7.05
London Attacks
It sends chills up my spine. Both of the attack locations were places I frequented at least once a day. As I watch the news and see places I recognize... an eerie feeling comes over me. It scares me.
7.7.05
Nightminds
Just lay it all down. Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know
I know
I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
it doesn't have to be alone,
I'll get there somehow,
'cause
I know I know I know
when, even springtime feels cold.
But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
out of our nightminds,
and into the light at the end of the fight...
You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, and the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know
I know
I know, it's easier to let go.
But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
and into the light at the end of the fight.
...and in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds and into the light... at the end of the fight...
I know
I know
I know.
I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
it doesn't have to be alone,
I'll get there somehow,
'cause
I know I know I know
when, even springtime feels cold.
But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
out of our nightminds,
and into the light at the end of the fight...
You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs would make you fly, and the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know
I know
I know, it's easier to let go.
But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
and into the light at the end of the fight.
...and in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds and into the light... at the end of the fight...
5.7.05
We're All Crazy
We only vary in extent and type.
I didn't go to Fullerton Tutors today because the cold finally hit me and basically kicked my arse yesterday. Today, I felt much better but not well enough to go teach the little terrors, I mean, students. I think my problem yesterday was that I quarantined myself in a room and was in bed all day long. I feel as if that made me feel worse, so today I decided to spend a day out just taking it easy.
Mon and I met up for lunch. It was such a pleasant time of talking, eating and enjoying our 'faux nature'. We sat outside where we were surrounded by glass and clear tarps to protect us from bugs and other flying things, but we could see the nice pond below and feel a nice cool breeze from the fan above. After lunch, we discovered a Dippin' Dots store. It was so delightful. Something about eating those little dots ... it's so pleasant. It was the perfect day out.
Okay, I'm going to bring it up again... So I was thinking a bit more deeply about teleportation today and wondered whether there would be air molecule traffic. Could there be collisions too? Hmmm... I wonder... I've only thought about the benefits: decreased air pollution, convenience, etc. It sort of scared me to think about the possible dangers and negative consequences. And what about all those people who work for the car industry? But we would rely less on oil. Hmm, I'm going to have to think this out more fully.
Quote of the day: "Grace, Jesus loves you so much that when you get to heaven, he'll probably have your name in a special color 'cause you like things color-coded." - Monica Morales.
This makes me smile. :)
I heart you Mon.
I didn't go to Fullerton Tutors today because the cold finally hit me and basically kicked my arse yesterday. Today, I felt much better but not well enough to go teach the little terrors, I mean, students. I think my problem yesterday was that I quarantined myself in a room and was in bed all day long. I feel as if that made me feel worse, so today I decided to spend a day out just taking it easy.
Mon and I met up for lunch. It was such a pleasant time of talking, eating and enjoying our 'faux nature'. We sat outside where we were surrounded by glass and clear tarps to protect us from bugs and other flying things, but we could see the nice pond below and feel a nice cool breeze from the fan above. After lunch, we discovered a Dippin' Dots store. It was so delightful. Something about eating those little dots ... it's so pleasant. It was the perfect day out.
Okay, I'm going to bring it up again... So I was thinking a bit more deeply about teleportation today and wondered whether there would be air molecule traffic. Could there be collisions too? Hmmm... I wonder... I've only thought about the benefits: decreased air pollution, convenience, etc. It sort of scared me to think about the possible dangers and negative consequences. And what about all those people who work for the car industry? But we would rely less on oil. Hmm, I'm going to have to think this out more fully.
Quote of the day: "Grace, Jesus loves you so much that when you get to heaven, he'll probably have your name in a special color 'cause you like things color-coded." - Monica Morales.
This makes me smile. :)
I heart you Mon.
2.7.05
Scratchy Throat, I Hate
My throat is being quite annoying. I don't know what I ever did to make it pissed off at me. I don't even drink soda because it hurts my throat. It might have been the speaking above my normal speaking voice at the tutor place (now that I think about it). Anywho, it'll be nice when this scratchiness goes away.
On a happy note, Monday is a holiday which means no tutoring place. Hoorah! I started tutoring two of Minsoo's friends on Friday. They're so cute. A couple of big boys who are going to be 9th graders in the fall. They like to read and they listen so intently. I like so far. Plus, Minsoo's been doing his homework and he's actually getting into the book I'm having him read. It makes me smile. :) I subtly brainwash him with my 'you have to be skeptical of politicians' using the characters in Animal Farm.
I want to go to the beach. I daydreamed about it often today.
Speaking of daydream (I think I've mentioned this before), I think about the wonders of teleportation at least once a day. Amy says I need to live in reality. But today, I thought about how neat it would be if you could hold hands in a line and be teleported in a wave. It makes me giggle when I imagine it... one person at a time disappearing and appearing in a wave.
On a happy note, Monday is a holiday which means no tutoring place. Hoorah! I started tutoring two of Minsoo's friends on Friday. They're so cute. A couple of big boys who are going to be 9th graders in the fall. They like to read and they listen so intently. I like so far. Plus, Minsoo's been doing his homework and he's actually getting into the book I'm having him read. It makes me smile. :) I subtly brainwash him with my 'you have to be skeptical of politicians' using the characters in Animal Farm.
I want to go to the beach. I daydreamed about it often today.
Speaking of daydream (I think I've mentioned this before), I think about the wonders of teleportation at least once a day. Amy says I need to live in reality. But today, I thought about how neat it would be if you could hold hands in a line and be teleported in a wave. It makes me giggle when I imagine it... one person at a time disappearing and appearing in a wave.
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