The Long Day Is Over

*Whew.

Today was a bit tiring. I woke up and went to L.A. with John MSN for his radio show taping. Why does he always make me drive? Never again. Mansoo's mom and dad said that truly smart people know how to say "no". I'm a babo (which means dumb).

After L.A., I tutored from 3 to well, now - 10:20 p.m. I had an hour break between 7 and 8 to eat dinner. I enjoy tutoring. I really do. But today, right now, at this moment, I am tired. Oh! But I had a really nice tutoring time with Eric and William. They're brothers (who have two older brothers). We study at this huge, really nice dining table. I usually sit across from them because that's where the mom placed me the first day. I've been leaning across the ginormous table to try to help them or see their textbooks. It finally dawned on me today, 'why don't I just sit next to them?', so I did. It made such a difference. I felt much closer to them and am definitely falling in love with them. I start tutoring them everyday starting next week; I like working with Eric because he tests my patience. He doesn't do it on purpose, at least I don't think.

I started reading Blaise Pascal's Pensees. He rocks my world. I heart him.

I also started reading The Poisionwood Bible. I'm thoroughly enjoying it. The book is about an evangelical Baptist, his wife and four daughters as they go to the Congo as missionaries. Each chapter is told from the perspective of one of the daughters. I identify most with Adah. She's hemiplegic and doesn't speak. But, she is quite the thinker and writer. I love the way she describes things. I especially like her appreciation for palindromes ("with their perfect, satisfying taste: Draw a level award!"); it cracks me up.

"I am a perfect palindrome. Damn mad!"

Hmm... what else did I want to blog about...

I overheard Mansoo's dad talking to Heidi on the phone. He sounded so happy. It was cute.

I miss my daddy.

With no reprise
The sun will rise
The long day is over

Words

I like to look up words I don't know. I also like making my tutor students look up words they don't know. I find it hilarious how some of the students have to sing through the alphabet song to figure out where to look in the dictionary.

As I was looking up 'strange' and 'weird' because of Heidi's post asking which is worse, I got sidetracked. I remembered a conversation with Dan and Johny. We were discussing the differences between 'geek', 'nerd' and 'dork'. Dan said he was a geek. They called me a nerd. Johny said people call him a dork. Then they said that the meaning of 'geek' was a guy who eats a chicken's head. So, I decided to look it up. Good 'ol dependable Merriam-Webster.

* geek: 1 : a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake 2 : a person often of an intellectual bent who is disapproved of
* nerd: : an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits
Did you know that the word 'nerd' probably comes from a Dr. Seuss book? I thought that was fascinating.
* dork: slang : nerd; also: jerk

I don't think Johny is a dork.
Dan may be a geek. Who knows? He might have a secret-double-carnival life.

Now, this may be just me being odd, but I like to click on the button that gives the pronunciation of a word. Certain words just sound funny to me. For example, the word, 'bloke'. I remember when I first looked up the word in London and I just kept hearing it over and over again because I thought it was funny. Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have shared that. Oh well.

Finally Finished

with Anna Karenina.

I really liked it. I might have liked the ending a little more if my mommy didn't ruin the ending for me. She always does that. argh.

Me: So yeah, I'm almost done with the book.
Mommy: Did (the ending) happen yet?
Me: What?! Uhma!!!!!! You ALWAYS do that!!! Why???
Mommy: (starts laughing)
Me: (I try to stay upset) Uhma~! (end up exploding in laughter)

We both laugh.

I had a nice weekend at home-home. My mommy, her friend and I went to a bunch of antique stores Saturday morning. They both crack me up. They kept picking things up and telling stories about how they used all these things. My mommy is now on the hunt for "antiques" in our home. I think I encouraged her to not throw anything away. My mission in my family is to make my dad and mommy throw things away. So, mission: failed (miserably). They keep everything.

Often times, I secretly throw a bunch of things away when they're both not home. It's a little harder to throw my dad's things away because he remembers everything. He looks for things that we threw away years ago. How does he remember these things? My mommy is always scared to throw his things away, but I just do it anyway. So, 5 years after I threw away one of his old ties or decided to use it as a belt, he asked me, "Hey, where's that tie?" I simply shrugged.

I wish

it was raining.

The sun is shining bright, but the air is cool. It's refreshingly warm.

But, I still prefer rain.

Party in the Sky

We're all invited. :)

I like rain. It makes me feel ... happy, sad, contemplative, refreshed, relaxed, comforted, alone and grey all at once.

Lightning is exciting. I wish I wouldn't gasp so loud everytime I see lightning strike, but I can't help it.

Thunder frightens me. When I hear thunder, I am consumed by the yucky feeling I experience when someone is yelling at me or upset with me. Ack.

Back to rain. *sigh*

Oh! I should listen to The Carpenters' Rainy Days and Mondays! That used to be my ..wait, it still might be.. my favorite Carpenters' song. Can you imagine a fourth-grade me looking out my window in Lake Elsinore listening to this song every time it would rain on a Monday? Oh, that window. I did daydream quite a bit looking out that window. How I desired to not be a small-town girl. A cliche, I know.

But I think deep down inside, I am a small-town girl and always will be.
I have learned to embrace the girl.

I could listen to rain all day.

Boring/Bored

I was sitting on Mansoo's bed waiting for him to finish his homework. He has three tests tomorrow that we need to study for.

Mansoo: Are you boring?
Me: No, you're boring. I'm bored.
Mansoo: What? You can't say that to me.
Me: Yes, I can.

Me Pregnant?!

Mansoo's mom cracks me up. We just chatted for about an hour as she was preparing for her feast tonight.

Mansoo's mom: You don't eat enough.
Me: Yes, I do.
Mansoo's mom: No, you don't. You should eat more. Otherwise, when you get pregnant, you won't be healthy enough. And later on in your life, your bones will start hurting.
Me: What?! Pregnant?!
Mansoo's mom: (laughs) I mean later later on after you're married. But you have to first find a boyfriend. Why don't you have a boyfriend?
(This is a recurring conversation topic: about every... 2 months or so, the "why don't you have a boyfriend?" question pops into any conversation)
Me: (just smiles and stays silent)
Mansoo's mom: Go be a girl and drop some wallets... trip and fall or something in front of a guy!
Me: (explodes in laughter) I have to fall, even?!
Mansoo's mom: Yes! Don't you watch Korean dramas?
(We laugh... this is my perfect opportunity to change the topic.)
Me: You know the tea cups you have up there in the cupboard. The ones on the very top on the very right? Where did you get them? (I've been meaning to ask. I'm a sucker for pretty cups)
Mansoo's mom: Oh, those. I think I got them at TJ Maxx.
Me: Really?! Wow, they seem so European.
Mansoo's mom: When you get married, I'll give them to you as a wedding present. (giddily smiles)

***
Mansoo's mom: 124
Grace: 0

I want to be

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...

Blessed

The retreat was ... neat. It seemed a bit more tiring than other EM retreats because of the packed schedule and I was feeling a bit under the weather. However, I feel that everything about the retreat worked quite perfectly.

I think I've pretty much shared with most everyone (including my tutor students today) what I learned at the retreat, but I shall share again for... well, Charlotte because she's far away. The main thing I learned was that I need to just make a plan and go for it. So many times, I'm affected and bogged down by people's expectations of me. I realized I just need to let go of all that, do my best in what's before me now (tutoring) and go on with my plan for the future. If it's not God's will, it won't happen. Overall, I feel at peace and delighted about what is to come. I was also reminded of the fact that I need to constantly be pursuing holiness by practicing spiritual disciplines. The main lesson for me was: live a holy life.

Some of the highlights from the retreat:

• Happy Hour with Sharon and Debbie. I heart them.
• Sleeping next to Hyojungee and talking about how we're doing these days. It was really an encouraging time. Thanks Dee.
• Times of prayer.
• Pray Around the World: it was long, but I thought it was necessary and good.
• Morning Q.T./journaling time
• I saw my first shooting star!!! I can still imagine it in my mind. I was so excited I didn't even get to make a wish. Oh well...

I can't seem to think so clearly right now because my head feels a bit full of snot (?). Oh, but even me being sick during the retreat, I think it was a good thing because it forced me to REALLY focus during the sermons. Otherwise, I think I would have thought about other things because my thoughts have a way of going berserk and weaving this web of random thoughts. However, since I was sick, I kept telling myself to focus on the sermon so I wouldn't focus on my headache or throat.

Anywho, it was a blessed time. I don't think I truly related everything clearly because I'm finding it difficult to concentrate at this time, but I wanted to blog before I forgot anything. So maybe later, I shall go into better detail and not make grammatical or spelling errors. I apologize for all you grammatical/spelling OCD-ers - I'm not going to proof-read. Oh, maybe I should... Hmmm... no. I'm going to read instead.

Nannyness

(thanks Michael for the title)

Some random thoughts of mine at 2 in the morning:

• The Constant Gardener: It reminded me a lot of South Africa. I was sad for a while, but now I'm trying to focus on the hope and love I saw and experienced there. I need to pray for Africa more. It breaks my heart so... how sad God must be... Hopefully, prayers will soothe.
• It's very uncomfortable to talk on the phone AND type at the same time. argh.
  
• I wish I was in 1963 flowers in my hair, little bitty hearts upon my cheek
• I want to play ping pong.
• I'm starting my nanny job this week. We'll see how that turns out. So far, I'm actually quite excited for it. I think it's a perfect opportunity to REALLY help Minsoo practice good studying habits.
• The Indian food I ate earlier was so spicy. I don't have any serious problems (yet).
• I haven't taken photos in a long time. I miss it.
  
• It would be neat to be able to "load" a whole bunch of books into my brain, especially the Bible. Talk about wisdom... Hmmmm... this is coming mighty close to teleportation on my impossible-things-i-think-about list.
• I haven't been to an art museum since London. Perhaps I shall check out the Basquiat exhibit at MOCA this week. Anyone want to go?
• I wish I could be more bold.
• I need to guard my heart more; actually, I need to rely on God to guard my heart and mind.
• I should sleep.
  

Grace

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world

And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything

Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk

She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside
Of karma

When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips

She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings

Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace finds goodness
In everything

I want to be grace.

can't sleep

It's way past my bedtime and I'm not tired at all. Why oh why?!

Oh...

I had a latte earlier.


Perhaps I shall read. Reading takes me into another realm where anything and everything is possible. I believe it's my way of flying without really flying.

I'm really getting into my book (Anna Karenina). I'm thoroughly enjoying Leo Tolstoy. I wish I could have met him, been his friend, or shaken his hand. The book is making me think about human relationships, love and of course, life. It's amazing. I'm about 300 pages into the book (I still have 515 more pages to go... it's the book that keeps giving) and not a whole lot has happened, yet Tolstoy's display of interwoven lives is so captivating. There is a conflict, but people don't just get swept away in it. They still meet up with their friends and live out the banalities of life. Although there are quite a few dramatic moments (where I put an exclamation point in the margin because I'm so shocked), I feel that the book reflects true moments of shame, embarrassment, joy, love. Tolstoy also mentions the soul quite often. I like that. It feels as if I'm getting to know the core of the character's being when he describes his/her soul. It's what I desire to know most - souls.

"I know his soul, and I know that we resemble each other."

I read Philippians today and it was quite encouraging. Once again, I realize I just need to pray more and worry less. For Paul, to live was Christ, to die was gain. I wonder... what does it mean for me to live?

To live is travel. To live is read. To live is watch movies. To live is listen to music. To live is spend time with uhma and friends.

"To live is Christ..."

I want to live.