Retroactive

I got the day off today because of the fires here in San Diego. I've been sitting in bed since 8:30 a.m. I only got out to brush my teeth and wash my face. Instead of being a productive individual and cleaning the house as I originally planned for today, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to just write. But instead of even doing that, I first felt the need to organize all my past thoughts just so I don't miss anything. I don't think that even makes sense. Well, it made sense to me at the time. This eventually led to me going through the stuff I've written in my journal and blog for the past couple of years. I realized a few things:

• I haven't written anything meaningful, deep or good in this blog for quite some time now. I'm surprised people even keep checking it. I apologize and am grateful that you care enough to read.
• I notice that my personality profile fits me quite perfectly.
• I've had sleeping issues for a long time.
• I quit coffee two years ago. Can you believe it? I probably actually quit more like a year-and-a-half ago.
  
• I feel inadequate quite often: I feel inadequate and know that I haven't done my best because I'm just not passionate about math. It's all physically draining for now, but I'm sure there is a lesson to be learned and I can't wait to discover that... This was from two years ago when I taught at a summer tutoring school. It's scary and sad that I still feel this way at times.
  
• Hope is important to me. The albatross is my mascot.

It was interesting to notice the subtle and not-so-subtle changes in me throughout the past couple of years. I still feel uneasy about the future as I did a couple of years ago, but I suppose I've learned to let go and embrace not knowing. It's about growing, loving and continuing to hope. Once I stop doing any one of those things, there's a problem. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by plans and what I hope to do or accomplish (which I'll address in a later post), I think it's time to focus on who I am as God's creation and daughter. Am I working towards becoming patient, kind, not jealous ... bearing all things, believing all things, hoping all things and enduring all things? My life theme verse is the love passage: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7; it's time to assess my life and see how I'm doing in living the passage.

Only thing I ever could need, only one good thing
Worth trying to be and it's

Love

Overwhelmed Thoughts

.Start.
. I went to prison today and received the Warden's tour. It was intense at times, creepy at times and depressing the whole time. "I want to go to the beach and just cry," said a co-worker of mine after the visit.
. I feel overwhelmed by uncertainty and self-awareness. I don't think that even makes sense. I need to be more God-aware.
. Feeling inadequate and guilty sucks.
. I hate being passionate about something, yet not having the drive to actually do it. Writing. That's my mom's whole argument: if you love it so much, it won't matter that you don't get paid for it right now... you would and should be writing now. If only I could... I'm too trapped in my own insecurities and feelings of... here it is again... inadequacy.
. I drive myself nuts.
. I need to stop starting sentences with "I" because it only magnifies my self-involved nature.
.Stop.

Deborah Kerr

has passed away.


I don't really cry watching movies, but I remember crying while watching An Affair to Remember. Every time. Yeah, I know. It seems unlikely and a bit overdramatic, but the truth is the movie brings the tears. I've probably watched it about 10 times growing up because it was on AMC all the time.

I feel like watching the movie... Perhaps an impulsive buy today...

What are you?

I'm an INTJ according to this test:
www.humanmetrics.com

If you want something to do when you're bored or procrastinating, take the test, then go to:
http://www.personalitypage.com/portraits.html
and check out your personality profile.

I found the relationships link quite interesting. Drew and I aren't supposed to get along.

In conflict situations, INTJs need to remember to be supportive to their mate's emotional needs, rather than treating the conflict as if it is an interesting idea to analyze.

I should work on that...

I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

This opinion piece by Stephen Colbert cracked me up: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/opinion/14dowd.html?ex=1350014400&en=d01aa8aa6034f85f&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

I guess I should give a better update:

(per Johny's comment to my last post)

Within the last month, I went to the Arclight movie theater twice. I really enjoy that theater because it really feels like the movie-going experience. I like the assigned seating, the little introduction to the movie and the high ceilings. Plus, no annoyingly loud teenagers.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford: yeah, the longest title ever. I really liked the movie because the cinematography was stunning. As Dan would so kindly point out, “you visual whore!”. It’s true. I like to see nicely composed visuals. Plus, Casey Affleck was so good.

The Darjeeling Limited: Wes Anderson + Adrien Brody + traveling = happy me. I’ve heard/read mixed reviews, but I liked it - once again – because it was visually neato and the dialogue was fun.

Let’s see… what else has happened…

Oh, Mon is home!

We watched Across the Universe a couple of nights ago. (Wow, I’ve watched quite a few movies this past month.) The story was a bit weak and disconnected, but the music was quite enjoyable. The White Album is my favorite Beatles album and they covered a lot of songs from that album, so I was pleased. The main guy (Jude) had a nice voice.

Dear Prudence,
won't you come out to play
Dear Prudence,
greet the brand new day
The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful and so are you
Dear Prudence won't you come out to play

Man, I love that song...

The Bus

Every time there was a little gap between the bus and the sidewalk, the bus driver kindly said, "Watch your step". It was nice.