Purged

Sometimes it feels good to cry. I never used to feel that way before. I usually feel the need to take a shower and sleep right after I cry. I've been this way since I was a child. My mama would scold me, I would cry, then take a nap. I would wake up with puffy eyes and feel much better. I was a cry baby when I was a child. I think I still am deep down inside, but I've suppressed those tendencies ever since 8th grade. I don't know why 8th grade, but that's what I remember.

I always feel bad when I cry in front of others because most of the time, they don't know what to do. It creates an awkward situation. It's such a strange thing: crying, tears... salty liquid coming out of one's eyes. I wonder why God made tears salty. I wonder why we even have the ability to cry.

There are different catalysts that may lead to crying: joy, sadness, anger, frustration, bitterness, etc. Joyful crying always surprises me because I don't expect or realize the tears. Sad crying makes my heart feel empty. Angry crying makes my shoulders tense. Frustrated/bitter crying makes my head hurt.

In the end, I feel exhausted.

13 songs

If I could steal the mind of any songwriter, I would want Fiona Apple's songwriting brilliance. I was debating between Joni Mitchell and Fiona Apple, but Fiona won. It may be because of my mood.

Fiona Apple songs I never get tired of:

• Extraordinary Machine
• Oh Well
• Fast as you can
• Paper Bag
• Red Red Red
• Better version of me
• Parting Gift
• Please Please Please
• Shadowboxer
• Sullen Girl
• A Mistake
• Get Gone
• Never is a promise

this list is getting too long. I think it's safe to say that I like every Fiona Apple song.

Wait, I forgot about Ani Difranco. Hmmm... This is tough. It's a tie.

Ani Difranco songs I never get tired of:

• 32 Flavors
• Shy
• Manhole
• Paradigm
• Grey
• Lag time
• Studying stones
• Recoil
• As is
• Seeing eye dog
• Hour Follows Hour
• Knuckle down
• She Says

The Treachery of Images

Magritte!

Finally, I can post some exciting art news happening in California. I've been living vicariously through Charlotte as she visits rad exhibits nearly every weekend in New York.

This Magritte exhibit looks like uber fun: http://www.lacma.org/art/MagritteIndex.aspx

The Treachery of Images (This is not a pipe) is one of my favorite paintings ever. Plus, LACMA has a David exhibit, photography exhibit (with Cindy Sherman works) and an exhibit featuring Picasso's Greatest Print: The Minotauromachy in All Its States (I love seeing a piece through all the different phases)! I'm uber jazzed. I plan on going Friday or Saturday afternoon. Let me know if you want to go. :)

Bon Mon Week-end

It was indeed a good weekend.

Mon came home for a couple of days. I had dinner at the Morales household Thursday night. I was busy taking notes (for my book/movie never to be completed) because Mon's family is quite quirky. I took Friday off from work to play with Mon. We had a fantastic time as always. We watched Happy Feet! Many of you may know that I adore penguins. I fell in love with them in South Africa (yes! There are penguins in South Africa! Absolutely wonderful!). So, Happy Feet was purely delightful. How can one not enjoy singing and dancing penguins?! The next thing I would enjoy is a movie about zebras. Hmmm... I think I like animals that are black and white. I like pandas too. Hmm.. Anyhoo,

We spent the rest of the day eating (?). I'm not exactly sure what we did Friday, but I know that I felt rejuvenated and encouraged afterwards. So many times, we just know what the other is thinking. We can be silly, make mistakes, feel confused and it's okay.

Wow, I feel like this entry was an overly-enthusiastic-teenage-girl-Dear-Diary entry. Oh well.

Op-Ed

simple, concise and brilliant. The writer is a poet, translator and university lecturer. He embodies three professions I admire.

Fear of Freedom

What's Wrong?

That's my pet peeve question. I hate it when people ask me, "What's wrong?" Most of the time nothing is "wrong" and the question puts me in a foul mood. The question is wrong.

I have gotten used to those close to me asking me this at times simply because I know that they know me and can sense if something truly is bothering me. That was also a process of letting go. It annoyed me at first, but now it doesn't.

JJ is very intuitive/sensitive. He always checks in with me. I guess I'm not used to sensitive guys. He said that he sensed that my energy level was low and asked what was wrong. I told him that I haven't been able to sleep lately, so I'm just tired.

JJ: You're just tired from not sleeping? Nothing's bothering you?
Me: Yeah, I'm just tired.
JJ: If something was going on, would you tell me?
Me: Of course. That's the thing. JJ, that's actually one of my pet peeves. I know it's what you do and you're just caring, but I usually can't stand it when people ask me "What's wrong?" because you're already assuming that something is wrong. It makes me search for something to be wrong.
JJ: Ok, I won't ask you that anymore. It's just that we spend so much time together and I can sense when your energy level is low. But Grace, you don't tell me when something's going on. I have to work at it and pull your teeth to get it out of you. You keep it all inside and hide it.

So now, I'm the sensitve one and in a bad mood. I feel that I'm an open book and share freely with people around me. I'm beginning to wonder whether that truly is the case. I think half the time I don't really know what I'm feeling, so I can't share it. Others may point it out to me for me to ever realize it. That bothers me.

Personal Bubble Space

New York Times article:
Corners: In Certain Cirlces, Two is a Crowd

Crave Connection

Isn't it amazing how people connect, relate, share the same passions and interests? I am always so intrigued when I think about people and relationships. Although we are all unique, we can find a thread of connection. I dream of simply traveling around the world to talk with people, learn of their passions, and connect. There are people in my life I easily connect with. Conversations are peppered with laughter, banter, encouragement. The conversations rejuvenate and I feel alive. I imagine I can have this kind of connection with everyone if I tried. It truly amazes and delights me when I discover new things about a person. It's more amazing when I find that those new things align perfectly with my thoughts, ideas and passions. I suppose it all depends on timing. One can easily overlook a perfect friend. Before really knowing someone, have you ever thought: I think we could be really good friends. What makes us think that before truly knowing them? What is that initial connection?

..................

I read over some of my old journals last night. It's the first time I've ever read my journal entries. It's amazing to see how much I've changed and haven't changed. My South Africa journal made me miss it so... I'm thinking about posting a few of the entries here, but I think it may only interest me and everyone else may find it quite boring. Hope was the motif during my stay. Most of my journal entries are documentations of conversations I had during the day with random people. I asked every one of them what they thought of hope. I craved hope.

One line that I wrote truly made me miss South Africa: I feel at home here.

mariée ? fiancée ? célibataire ?

Last night, we had class at a French Restaurant just around the corner from where I live. The teacher told us we could bring guests. I went seule. It was a pleasant opportunity to chat with my classmates and get to know them. Most of my classmates are young professionals, so it was neat to learn about what they do and what they studied in college.

Many people brought their significant others, which I found quite interesting. It almost seemed like a trophy contest. All the couples congregated together. I wish I could have observed them some more and taken notes because it all seemed so awkward. It wasn't uncomfortable or anything, but I experienced a subtle sense of awkwardness as I watched them. I felt awkward for them. Even if I did have a boyfriend, I don't think I would have taken him.

I was glad I didn't have awkward.

p.s. I'll post some of the songs on that list some time soon. My ipod keeps dying and my computer died a while ago. I suppose I can list from memory.

Life Soundtrack

I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

I bought the soundtrack to The Last Kiss. I haven't watched the movie. It was an impulsive buy. I have most of the songs, but I felt so happy to see so many of my favorite artists and songs in one place. It would have made more sense to modify a playlist, but I was so excited that the soundtrack nearly mirrored my 'songs I never get tired of/soundtrack of my life' list. The elation led me to purchase.

What's on your life soundtrack?