Mansoo Episode #160

Mansoo has two tests tomorrow (well 3 including his taekwondo test, but I don't have to worry about that). We're studying for his English test where he has to memorize Latin root prefixes and terms. We go through the words and try to think of easier words that are associated with the word to help him memorize.

G: Ok, next word, diffident. Hmmm.
(pause, both of us thinking)

M: It reminds me of a Korean ah-jum-mah (woman) trying to say 'different'.

(after a while... Mansoo loses focus, as always)
G: Mansoo!!! Focus!!! Mansoo!!! Focus!!! We only have four cards left. Come on!
M: You mean four-cus?

This kid cracks me up.

Fried Jello

(thanks for the title Johny)

That's how I feel... fried jello. I've been feeling physically drained, yet spiritually filled. I like (well, not the tired part, but yeah).

Some random thoughts of the day, at least the ones I still remember:

• I wish I could be teleported to places.
  
• I wonder what the longest word is. (pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis)
• God's grace rocks my world.
  
• I like hope.
  
• God places amazing people in my life. I love.
• I want to love more...
  
• He's the little ship that cannot find its harbor. He had the wrong dreams. Oh, the illusion of success.
• I'm tired. Maybe I should get back on coffee. I remember when I had so much energy throughout the day.
• My students make me smile. Today, I helped Eric with his foods project. It was really fun and it was so cute how he was so proud of his mango-cheese quesadilla.
• I want to close my eyes.
  

Sunny Day

It's sunny, yet cool. I like it.

Happy birthday Keisuke. :)

Amalgamated

A couple of my close friends are getting married within a year. I've heard of a few other people from high school and D.C. getting engaged as well. It's wild. It makes me feel... I don't know. Hopefully, I'll be able to book a flight this week to Minnesooota for Megs' wedding. Oh my gash. It's going to be so cold (in January). Hmm.. then, maybe Korea for a wedding in June. Wow, traveling for weddings... I miss traveling. I've been home for about 5 months now and I'm just itching to go somewhere. Now, I guess I have a reason to travel: weddings. Wow.

Random statistic of the day: Mansoo's mom told me today that in America, the ratio of guys to girls is 1:8. She said I need to hurry up and snatch a guy as soon as possible 'cause the numbers are not in my favor. I didn't even know how to respond.

Beautiful Child

I listened to Rufus Wainwright last week. A lot. Obsessively. I think it helped me sink deeper into my weird mood. Some repressed thoughts and feelings floated to the surface of my soul.

I'm trying to move on now and listen to some happy music. I don't have much happy music. Oh well, at least it rained today. Rain makes me happy.

I'm also trying not to over-think this week; not sleeping was a bad thing last week.

Goals for this week:

1. Go to sleep early (without sleeping pills, ok Paul?). Get at least 6 hours of sleep every night.
2. Finish Isaiah (finally).
3. Catch up on my studying plan.
4. Pray about the things/people on my mind.
5. Make a tentative schedule for the high school cabinet retreat.
6. Make a list of things to talk about for high school small group this Friday.
7. Put all my London photos in an album.
8. Make a trip to an art museum or the beach.

Oh no... here I go, planning away my life. (Sorry Keisuke, I can't help it.)

When I am older than these small goddamned hills
And there's no reason for my mind to be still

Oh, how I'll feel like a beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again

When I have finally found my room filled with toys
Be banging on my crib excited by noise

Oh, how I'll feel like a beautiful child
Such a beautiufl child again

And when there's nothing to gain
Or bring me pain or pin the blame
On you or myself

And when they finally fall
These wailing walls and burdened crosses
God's twilights and all

How I'll feel like a beautiful child
Such a beautiful child again

A Bit of Clarity

A friend of mine from high school, actually elementary school, IMed me last night. Matt Robison. He's been my friend since the fourth grade. He wore a campaign sign for me when I ran for treasurer in the fifth grade; my mom basically loved him ever since then. Matteo was and is a brilliant writer. I remember reading his writing in the fourth grade and being blown away. It's funny to think about our friendship because we're so different. He started a punk band when I joined student council. That's just the beginning of our differences. Yet, we always adored one another. Now, he's in New York after graduating from UC Santa Cruz, working at a bookstore, applying for an internship at Harper's. He wants to work in publishing. He's going to try to go to NYU to get his master's in creative writing. It's absolutely perfect for him.

This week has been such a blur, partly because of lack of sleep and partly because I've been in a peculiar mood and probably mainly because I've been listening to weird music. I've been an errant leaf easily swayed by the breeze of thoughts.

Today is much better though. First, I slept well last night. Second, I am quite encouraged by the Word. I'm still reading Isaiah and whenever I read hopeful passages about the future and heaven, I can't help but think of Africa and get uber happy.

• They will not hunger or thirst, Nor will the scorching heat or sun strike them down; For He who has compassion on them will lead them and will guide them to springs of water.
• Isaiah 49:10
  

I imagine the beautiful people of Africa not hungry or thirsty. They are smiling and their white teeth that shines through their dark skin is blinding. All I see are smiles - a sea of smiles.

Lullaby For A Stormy Night

For you know, once even I
Was a little child
And I was afraid
But a gentle someone always came
To dry all my tears
Trade sweet sleep the fears
And to give a kiss goodnight

Well, now I am grown
And these days have shown
Rain's a part of how life goes
But it's dark and it's late
So I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close

And I hope that you'll know
That nature is so
This same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
And forests and sand
Makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning

Everything's fine in the morning
The rain will be gone in the morning
But I'll still be here in the morning

An Imperfect Day

Waking up after four hours of sleep is normally not that bad (minus the headache).

Waking up every hour during those four hours of sleep is unpleasant.

Finally falling asleep when Mansoo is waking up to go to school is ridiculous.

I feel a bit crazed, nonsensical and unglued. This is a perfect day for me to be a hermit and not interact with people.

Today will be an imperfect day.

Let There Be Love

Who kicked a hole in the sky so the heavens would cry over me?
Who stole the soul from the sun in a world come undone at the seams?
Let there be love - Let there be love
I hope the weather is calm as you sail up your heavenly stream
Suspended clear in the sky are the words that we sing in our dreams
Let there be love - Let there be love - Let there be love - Let there be love

Come on baby blue
Shake up your tired eyes
The world is waiting for you
May all your dreaming fill the empty sky

But if it makes you happy
Keep on clapping
Just remember I'll be by your side
And if you only go, it's gonna pass you by

Laptop

is fixed. Yay! Thanks Dan. Thanks for thse cleverly chosen bookmarked pages as well. ;) I smile.

Oh Sami

I just got back from my date with Sami. She's so cute and nice. We talked about how we're doing spiritually, favorite movies, music, where we would go if we could go anywhere in the world, etc. I like Sami. She's so lovable. We also discussed our love for art; that was an uber fun conversation. One of Sami's favorite artists, Edward Hopper, is the one who actually sparked my interest in art. I was in the fourth grade and I saw "Nighthawks" by Hopper. I found the painting mysterious and intriguing. Sami finds the painting alluring. It was neat to talk about art. We were both so giddy.

We had a really nice talk

I woke up a little later than I wanted to. I was up a bit late last night talking to Crystal. I just sait in front of her after I got my cup of water. That girl can eat so late at night and not gain a single pound. It amazes me. We had a really nice talk.

My date with Susan today was quite nice. We talked about how it's so sad to see the younger girls dressing so scandalous and obsessed with sex. We also discussed how kids don't really play outside anymore. Kids show off their new gameboys and skirts; she used to show off scars she got from falling while playing. We had a really nice talk.

I told off some 9th grade boy today. I walked into the room and saw an IM to Mansoo from a fellow named Randy. He was asking Mansoo for his homework. I told Mansoo to say "no" and he wanted to, but didn't know how. I got on the computer and being the psycho tutor that I am, I told him that he should do his own work. He didn't believe that I was the tutor at first, but I think he began to believe me when I started giving him suggestions on how he can manage his time better to improve his studying habits. We had a really nice talk.

Mansoo moment of the day: Mansoo whistling-harmonizing to the microwave "beep". This kid cracks me up.

Mansoo episode #158; #159

Episode #158
Mansoo's dad wanted to talk to Mansoo after taekwondo. I was a bit nervous because I thought Mansoo was getting in trouble for something. Wait, why am I nervous about that? Anywho, then I hear Mansoo listing off the grades he's been getting on tests.

"A"
"A+"
"A"...
(Out of 12 tests, he got 10 A's. Yesssss.)

Then, the two. Ouch. Two C's on tests. Oh no, am I in trouble? Then, Mansoo walks back towards the room.

Me: (whispering) Did you get in trouble?
Mansoo: No, my dad wants to give me a little gift for every 100% I got. (grins in such a big, cute way)

I'm so happy that he's so confident with his schoolwork these days.

I like Mansoo's dad. He's nice. I think he's so happy that Mansoo's doing better in school.

Episode #159
Mansoo has a test this Friday about the American Revolution, Enlightenment thinkers/philosphers, etc. He's been studying all this for about a week already.

Then, today, he asks, "What's the American Revolution?"
I give him a look.

Furthermore, Mansoo keeps singing patriotic songs and now they're all stuck in my head. Argh. Why me?!

Mansoo quote of the day: "I want to redo my life."

Wow

Wow, where to even begin. WoW. What a weekend. I had a bit of a draining week, so I was already tired for the weekend. However, my weekend proved to be most rejuvenating and wonderful. (beware: this is a long entry; I'll be impressed by those who read it all. wow)

Teacher Retreat
was wow. Kim MSN rocked my world with Ezekiel. I learned that I will be held responsible for my girls. I basically feel more confident rebuking the girls and letting them know when I think they're doing something they shouldn't be doing. On Saturday, we heard a sermon from Erwin McManus. He spoke about one's wholeness. This part resonated with me because an ongoing joke-mostly-truth comment from my closest friends is that I'm always trying to fix people. He said that people who have been loved know how to love and people who love know how to be loved. The more one has been forgived, the more one can love. Therefore, we need to continuously live a life of gratitude. I truly felt that way on the way to Fullerton today.

I was just thinking and meditating on the love passage; I felt grateful that God is love. The teacher retreat encouraged me to persistently strive to shape my character to be more like Jesus. God offers us his character; we were made in His image. How crazy is that?! God's grace. Every time I fixate all my thoughts and emotions on God's grace, I am left in awe. All the walls I build around myself come down, each layer of my self comes off and I am left completely bare... down to the core. And in this moment, nothing matters except that I am God's daughter and I am overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude. It fills me, overflows out of me.

Ok, back to the update...

Sunday
The high school teachers were late to service. I felt bad for that. But, we were late because we were praying. It was nice. I don't think I've ever really prayed like that before with the high school teachers. Bible study went well. I told/warned them about what I learned at the Teacher Retreat, that I was going to do anything/everything to make sure they are becoming more like Jesus. They were sort of scared, but they said they felt that it was a good thing. It's also a way to keep me accountable as well; I can't necessarily rebuke them if I'm not living a Jesus-centered life.

We're going through the Old Testament right now. Sunday's bible study was about Exodus, covenants and the commandments. We learned that obeying God is a way for us to express our love towards him. We went through the Ten Commandments and further discussed the ones we need to work on. We each made a commitment to obey God in a specific way this week: a couple of girls want to honor their parents more, be patient with siblings, one wants to spend more time with God. I thought about the first commandment: have no other gods before God. I analyzed how I spend my time. I realized that I've been spending a lot of time with the ipod; therefore...

I'm fasting my ipod this week. Right after I hesitantly said this, Eric (who happened to be sitting nearby, overheard what I said) looked over, gave me a bewildered look and exclaimed, "Are you crazy?!"

This turned out to be a good thing Sunday night though. I think ever since I got the ipod, my mommy and I didn't talk that much during car drives anymore. But on Sunday, we had a wonderful talk on the way home. We discussed what we've been learning, where we're reading the Bible and our futures. The last topic was perhaps the most exciting for me. As far back as I can remember, we always only discussed my future. But it was so rad to discuss my mommy's future. My mommy has had a spiritual awakening the past few months, so it's just really neat to see how she's growing and changing spiritually. She really feels like she needs to go out into the world and live for Christ, sharing the gospel. So we discussed some possible options for her. (I suppose I can share more about this with those who really want to know. Just ask me.)

I'm excited for this week. I have lunch dates with three of my girls this week. It's awesome having seniors; they all get out of school at 12:30. My first date is with Susan tomorrow. :)

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.