(The past couple of years have been like one long stretch of freeway between two rest stops on a road trip, so I've clumped them together.)
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I wonder how far along I am in my journey to become all of the above. The past couple of years have been different and challenging, which led to many self-realizations (mostly unpleasant), but I hope I came out of it all more confident and rooted in knowing who I am as God’s daughter. I feel most comfortable being me right now.
I’ve let go of my planner, embraced the joys of not knowing. I’ve probably cried out all my suppressed crying. I’m more in touch with my feelings (or at least trying to be) and letting go of denial. It’s terrifying. I’m almost comfortable being in uncomfortable situations. Maybe I’ve just gotten used to it now. Being in the grey. I’m allowing myself to simply be. I may even be ready for a – dare I say – serious relationship. I still have issues, and I’m okay with that because I think I’m at least moving forward. Last year around this time, I didn’t really feel that way. It’s nice to be where I am right now although I’m still not where I want to be. But, I’m excited for what is to come.
’08 will be great! I think 25 will be a good turning point for me. I hope for more moments of clarity, laughter and contentment. I hope to be able to love fully without fear and allow myself to be loved. I hope to deal with struggles with ease and calmness. I hope to fall more in love with God and acknowledge Him. God has blessed me with friends and family that make me feel so safe and taken care of. I am incredibly grateful. I hope to feel safe with more people. I hope I will feel safest with God and allow myself to be broken. It's scary, yet so freeing.
The lesson for the past couple of years: I am so imperfect; God is so perfect and loves an imperfect me. I’m so thankful He sees beauty and hope in us.
Hope is such a gift. To see beauty amidst a cruel, unforgiving world is a gift. I want to live being thankful for those gifts.
26.12.07
19.12.07
SK Politics
Lee Myung Bak was elected President in South Korea. He's a conservative, former Hyundai CEO, big money guy. He's been linked to corruption (embezzlement, fraud, etc.).
“I voted for Lee Myung-bak even though I think he’s a little corrupt,” said Kim Cho-rong, 21, a college student studying interior design. “I figured someone who is a little guilty but competent was better for our society than someone who is innocent but incompetent.” (from The New York Times)
That quote makes me sad.
My mom and I think he won because South Korea's economy is such a mess right now and that was his main platform. My dad wanted the candidate from an independent party to win. My mom liked one of the liberal candidates. I liked the other liberal one. We all wanted three separate people. How could not one of them win? Anywho, the saddest part about this bloke winning is that he doesn't have such a positive outlook on working with North Korea. It looks like all the efforts towards giving aid and helping NK will be stunted or very slow for the next five years.
“I voted for Lee Myung-bak even though I think he’s a little corrupt,” said Kim Cho-rong, 21, a college student studying interior design. “I figured someone who is a little guilty but competent was better for our society than someone who is innocent but incompetent.” (from The New York Times)
That quote makes me sad.
My mom and I think he won because South Korea's economy is such a mess right now and that was his main platform. My dad wanted the candidate from an independent party to win. My mom liked one of the liberal candidates. I liked the other liberal one. We all wanted three separate people. How could not one of them win? Anywho, the saddest part about this bloke winning is that he doesn't have such a positive outlook on working with North Korea. It looks like all the efforts towards giving aid and helping NK will be stunted or very slow for the next five years.
17.12.07
Tired Refreshed
I went to Sue's wedding on Saturday. Sue has been my friend since the fourth grade; it was neat to see her get married. It was great to see old friends and Mr. LaPorte, our AP Euro and AP Art History teacher who took us to Europe after we bugged him for two years begging him to take us. He was such a good sport for giving in and he was an awesome "chaperone" because he just took us to cities and told us when he was leaving the city. We basically had to just make it back to the Eurovan by a certain time. Mr. LaPorte used to always call us maggots. He asked us what we were up to and after we told him, Mon asked, "So Mr.LaPorte, how do you think your maggots are doing?" He kindly replied, "Well, you know... some maggots turn into flies, but I think I'm in the presence of a couple of butterflies." It was a nice comment.
After the wedding, Ryan, Matt P. and I went over to Matt's house. Ryan and I always said we were cosmic buddies because we have a special connection. Ryan is probably the smartest person I know. I always admired him for his individuality and ability to express himself so freely in high school. He was unique and often teased for it, but he never cared. According to DataMatch (a fundraiser event where students took a survey, DataMatch developed a list of the top five people you were most compatible with in the school, we sold the lists as a fundraiser), Ryan and I were most compatible with one another. We realized last night we both had secret crushes on one another. He never thought I would go for him because he was a punk rocker. I thought he would never go for me because I was in student leadership. We always supported and admired each other.
Matt P., not to be confused with my brilliant writer friend Matt R., and I have been friends since junior high. He was always a smart, sweet kid. I remember him being so eloquent and underappreciated. Matt was the first boy I slow-danced with in junior high. We were closer in junior high and hung out with different crowds in high school. I appreciated the fact that Matt thought I was funny. I always thought he was so witty and nice.
Matt had just gotten back from the wineries in Santa Barbara before the wedding. As the guys went through four bottles of wine, we talked about high school, secret crushes, books, drugs, life, where we are now... Mon joined us around 2 in the morning and before we knew it, it was time for breakfast. I haven't stayed up like that since college. I'm definitely feeling the aftermath today, but the night was simply amazing. I felt so happy to see that I had such good friends and they're still good people. I had the opportunity to see some of Matt's photography, which was breathtaking. Ryan shared a few of his lyrics (from his metal band's songs), which were so clever. Overall, it was refreshing to be able to talk about nothing and everything. I feel blessed to know such intelligent, deep and funny people.
After the wedding, Ryan, Matt P. and I went over to Matt's house. Ryan and I always said we were cosmic buddies because we have a special connection. Ryan is probably the smartest person I know. I always admired him for his individuality and ability to express himself so freely in high school. He was unique and often teased for it, but he never cared. According to DataMatch (a fundraiser event where students took a survey, DataMatch developed a list of the top five people you were most compatible with in the school, we sold the lists as a fundraiser), Ryan and I were most compatible with one another. We realized last night we both had secret crushes on one another. He never thought I would go for him because he was a punk rocker. I thought he would never go for me because I was in student leadership. We always supported and admired each other.
Matt P., not to be confused with my brilliant writer friend Matt R., and I have been friends since junior high. He was always a smart, sweet kid. I remember him being so eloquent and underappreciated. Matt was the first boy I slow-danced with in junior high. We were closer in junior high and hung out with different crowds in high school. I appreciated the fact that Matt thought I was funny. I always thought he was so witty and nice.
Matt had just gotten back from the wineries in Santa Barbara before the wedding. As the guys went through four bottles of wine, we talked about high school, secret crushes, books, drugs, life, where we are now... Mon joined us around 2 in the morning and before we knew it, it was time for breakfast. I haven't stayed up like that since college. I'm definitely feeling the aftermath today, but the night was simply amazing. I felt so happy to see that I had such good friends and they're still good people. I had the opportunity to see some of Matt's photography, which was breathtaking. Ryan shared a few of his lyrics (from his metal band's songs), which were so clever. Overall, it was refreshing to be able to talk about nothing and everything. I feel blessed to know such intelligent, deep and funny people.
11.12.07
Unknown
I recently watched a documentary called Unknown White Male. This guy woke up one morning in an unknown place and lost his memory. He didn't know who he was or where he was. He remembered how to do things like eat and sign his name, but he forgot all the people in his life and his experiences. It was interesting to watch him experience everything like seeing the ocean for the first time. He encountered everything for the first time like a baby, yet he had the mind of an adult. I imagine it all must have been so wonderful, shocking and exciting. The documentary made me question how much of who we are comes from our experiences and the people in our lives. It seemed that his personality had changed significantly after amnesia. So, who are we really? What is our identity comprised of? If we stripped ourselves of our experiences, family and friends, who would we be?
I wonder...
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