ADOPTION
I watched a play tonight about adoption. The story revolved around three women affected by adoption: an adopted daughter, the adoptive mother and birth mother. It was a powerful and insightful play that showed me the complexity and feelings associated with adoption. The play made me think that if I ever do adopt, I would like the children to be able to have some contact with their birth parents if they so desire.
I dream of adopting children some day. I don't remember what sparked my interest in adoption or when this all began. It may sound a bit strange, but my initial reason for wanting to adopt wasn't out of pity for the children who had been abandoned. Of course, I feel sad when I think about it now, but that wasn't my first emotion when I thought about adoption. I think I wanted to adopt out of practicality and because of my concern for the environment and its resources. Let me explain. I figure, there's already a child out there. Why should I bear another child in this world when I can love and raise a child who already exists? I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but it does to me. John MSN would always tell me that people shouldn't adopt unless they feel that they can equally love their adopted children as their naturally-born children. I think I could.
Who knows what'll happen... But for now, I dream of my international family and teaching my children that the human spirit is what truly connects us all to one another.
TUBEROSE
I think I found a new flower to add to my favorite flowers list. Cala lilies are my favorite becaues I think they're so pretty, but the tuberose's fragrance is amazing. My little room is filled with the light, yet deep fragrance of my single stem of tuberose flowers. Actually, they're pretty as well. My heart feels so happy. I discovered there may be an explanation:
The legend of the tuberose in France warns that young girls should not breathe in its fragrance after dark for fear that it would put them in a romantic mood. In India, tuberose is known as rat ki rani, [The Mistress of the Night] for similar reasons. In Ayurvedic medicine, attars are held in high esteem not only for their exquisite fragrance, but their healing properties. Tuberose is known to improve one’s capacity for emotional depth. By opening the crown chakra it improves psychic powers. Tuberose also amplifies artistic inspiration as it stimulates the creative right side of the brain. And it brings serenity to the mind and heart.
ZOO
I'm going to the zoo tomorrow! I think I'm going to get good use of my annual pass. It also works at the Wild Animal Park! :)
29.3.07
28.3.07
Disenchanted
I'm getting into my want-to-live-in-a-forest-with-a-typewriter-and-unlimited-supply-of-tea mood.
Mon would live across the lake and I would complain that she's too loud playing on her seadoo.
Mon would live across the lake and I would complain that she's too loud playing on her seadoo.
26.3.07
A-quarter-of-the-century-minus-one
Hmmm, Andy, there's no ring to it.. maybe it's growing on me.
I went to the aquarium on Friday with work folks. I could watch jellyfish all day. We walked over to watch the seals after lunch. They all looked so relaxed, happy and fat sun-bathing on the beach. There were a couple of baby seals. One looked very thin and sick. I felt sad and worried. Watching the seals sleeping on the beach made me feel sleepy. I took a long nap after I came home.
I pretty much bombed the test on Saturday. I felt confident about 50% of my answers. And that's a generous estimation. This is not some I'm-just-saying-this-to-be-prepared-for-the-worst-news-knowing-that-I -didn't-really-do-that-badly thing. I have never felt so defeated after a test.
After the test, Andrea, her mom, my mom and I went to a Lebanese restaurant. Andrea bought me beautiful small cala lilies with purple tips because she knows that I like small things. Cala lilies are my favorite. The food was amazing and my mom is surprisingly quite funny. I like listening to her speak English because her English is actually pretty decent. She just gets insecure, but once she gets going, I can see her confidence rising. My mom's a great storyteller. I like watching my mom interact with Terri, Andrea's mom.
It was a pretty anti-climactic birthday. I had plans of preparing and trying out new dishes and what-not for a get-together, but I canceled. Perhaps next year. I was a bit cranky the whole day because of the test and I still didn't physically feel well. I think the sickness has finally left my body. This makes everything look a little brighter. I appreciate being able to hear, not having to blow my nose constantly and not having a headache. It sounds silly, but I always feel a bit different after I get over a cold or flu like I experienced something big in my life. I feel that I become a different person when I'm sick: I whine more, I'm more prone to depression, I cry easily. It's nice to be over that.
This year, I look forward to:
- visiting the zoo whenever I want to see the hippos, zebras, pandas and koalas
- being challenged
- growing in love and kindness
- peace
- lessons to be learned
- joy.
I went to the aquarium on Friday with work folks. I could watch jellyfish all day. We walked over to watch the seals after lunch. They all looked so relaxed, happy and fat sun-bathing on the beach. There were a couple of baby seals. One looked very thin and sick. I felt sad and worried. Watching the seals sleeping on the beach made me feel sleepy. I took a long nap after I came home.
I pretty much bombed the test on Saturday. I felt confident about 50% of my answers. And that's a generous estimation. This is not some I'm-just-saying-this-to-be-prepared-for-the-worst-news-knowing-that-I -didn't-really-do-that-badly thing. I have never felt so defeated after a test.
After the test, Andrea, her mom, my mom and I went to a Lebanese restaurant. Andrea bought me beautiful small cala lilies with purple tips because she knows that I like small things. Cala lilies are my favorite. The food was amazing and my mom is surprisingly quite funny. I like listening to her speak English because her English is actually pretty decent. She just gets insecure, but once she gets going, I can see her confidence rising. My mom's a great storyteller. I like watching my mom interact with Terri, Andrea's mom.
It was a pretty anti-climactic birthday. I had plans of preparing and trying out new dishes and what-not for a get-together, but I canceled. Perhaps next year. I was a bit cranky the whole day because of the test and I still didn't physically feel well. I think the sickness has finally left my body. This makes everything look a little brighter. I appreciate being able to hear, not having to blow my nose constantly and not having a headache. It sounds silly, but I always feel a bit different after I get over a cold or flu like I experienced something big in my life. I feel that I become a different person when I'm sick: I whine more, I'm more prone to depression, I cry easily. It's nice to be over that.
This year, I look forward to:
- visiting the zoo whenever I want to see the hippos, zebras, pandas and koalas
- being challenged
- growing in love and kindness
- peace
- lessons to be learned
- joy.
19.3.07
thinking in bullet points
- I went to the Lakers game last night. I had a marvelous time because I enjoy watching basketball games. The game went by so fast. I don't really like Kobe because I think he’s a show-off and has a bad attitude. But, I couldn’t help but be impressed. I was also impressed by Garnett. He’s so smooth. Oh, and Kareem was at the game! I like Kareem. Jonathan was sad because the Timberwolves lost. JJ loved the band and the Laker girls.
- Andrea’s parents: Andrea’s father was in town last week. He has a gentle and kind spirit. Dr. Magee and I talked about diabetes over dinner and I’ve never seen anyone talk about the discovery of drugs so excitedly. At the same time, I found it very interesting and was equally excited as I listened. Andrea’s mom is in town now. Terry is a Biology professor in Wisconsin and definitely a free spirit. It’s fun to meet Andrea’s parents because she’s such a perfect mix of both of her parents.
- I talked with Kristine yesterday. It was so nice to hear her voice. I love that we understand one another so well. I miss holding hands.
- I miss Heidi.
- Beware of the cold/flu!
- I can’t believe March is almost over.
- 24 on the 24th: I was going to have a small get-together, but I decided to cancel. Instead, I’m taking an analyst test. I’m a little scared. The notice said it would take 2.5 hours. This reminds me of the SAT. Blah.
- Being sick affects the way I think, feel and react. I don’t think I realized this until this past week.
- I found my digital camera. This delights me so because now I can take pictures of San Diego.
- Wow, this was a boring post. I apologize. I blame it on the sickness.
13.3.07
12.3.07
11.3.07
Sometimes
The mind is a complicated thing.
Sometimes...
..one knows something to not be true, yet can't help but see or believe otherwise.
..one will see animals in the chipped off paint spots on the table.
..one will wear sunglassess inside because it is too bright.
..one will uncontrallably cry.
..one will smile so brightly.
We lay in the soft green grass and stared up at the tree branches set against the calm blue background of sky. We ran our fingers through the soft grass and enjoyed the chirping of the birds. We talked about the photos we would take. I already took the photos in my mind. I can see all the images of that short hour in my head right now. The images look blurred. They're soaked in tears.
Just when I think I can't have any more tears, I keep crying. Is it because I keep drinking?
Sometimes...
..one knows something to not be true, yet can't help but see or believe otherwise.
..one will see animals in the chipped off paint spots on the table.
..one will wear sunglassess inside because it is too bright.
..one will uncontrallably cry.
..one will smile so brightly.
We lay in the soft green grass and stared up at the tree branches set against the calm blue background of sky. We ran our fingers through the soft grass and enjoyed the chirping of the birds. We talked about the photos we would take. I already took the photos in my mind. I can see all the images of that short hour in my head right now. The images look blurred. They're soaked in tears.
Just when I think I can't have any more tears, I keep crying. Is it because I keep drinking?
7.3.07
I miss...
.talks with missionary Mira.
.the beach.
.sleeping in.
.reading the Word outside.
.catching up with Mon and Sue at Denny's.
.talking about the sky with Julia.
.listening to Mansoo practice playing the cello.
.my mommy's pancakes.
.my father fixing everything for me.
.the cold air up in the mountains.
.walking along the Thames River and stopping at my favorite outdoor bookstand.
.staring at 'my Pollock painting' at Tate Modern for three hours when I had nothing to do.
.the vibrantly blue sky in South Africa.
.the smiles of the children in South Africa.
.journaling.
.taking pictures.
.silly moments with missionary Dae.
.the beach.
.sleeping in.
.reading the Word outside.
.catching up with Mon and Sue at Denny's.
.talking about the sky with Julia.
.listening to Mansoo practice playing the cello.
.my mommy's pancakes.
.my father fixing everything for me.
.the cold air up in the mountains.
.walking along the Thames River and stopping at my favorite outdoor bookstand.
.staring at 'my Pollock painting' at Tate Modern for three hours when I had nothing to do.
.the vibrantly blue sky in South Africa.
.the smiles of the children in South Africa.
.journaling.
.taking pictures.
.silly moments with missionary Dae.
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