Overwhelmed

purged:
to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify.
exhausted:
To wear out completely.
To drain of resources or properties; deplete: tobacco crops that exhausted the soil.
To use up completely: exhausted our funds before the month was out.
To treat completely; cover thoroughly: exhaust a topic.
To draw out the contents of; drain: exhaust a tank gradually.

I feel all of the above.

I attended a conference about North Korea this past weekend. I haven’t had time to process anything yet, but I’m excited for what is to come.

my anthem for now:
Get ready to send the years
Of guilt and shame away
The years of failing
The years of nailing up yourself
To a cross you can’t bear
That’s why He was there

What a beautiful day
When He washed all our sins away
What a beautiful day

Pro/Con

The pros and cons of today:

CON:

• Doctor examinations: peeing in a cup, being poked at, feeling embarrassed because the doctor knows my insides.
• Sunny, hot weather.
• Feeling overwhelmed by work.

PRO:

• Flowers from my sweet little brother waiting for me at my desk.
• Thinking about getting on a plane tomorrow and attending the conference about North Korea. I'm excited to learn.
• Feeling happy today.

smile.

It was nice to spend time with Ames. She was a good sport going to the zoo with me. The zoo is one of those places (along with art museums) that makes me smile. I appreciated Ames trying to communicate with the animals. She even spoke Indonesian to the animals from Indonesia. I wish I could have video-taped that.

I took the bus today. It's always interesting when I take the bus. People who ride the bus are such characters. I wonder where they're coming from, where they're going, what their houses look like, what they like to eat, etc. Anywho, as I got off the bus, a man so warmly said, "Have a great day." I usually hate the word "great". It's such a dead, meaningless word. I cringe and draw a huge "X" on this word when any of my tutor kids use it in their writing. But, he said it so genuinely and warmly. I couldn't help but smile. Then, he said, "Never lose that gorgeous smile." It was nice.

Andrea and I had a good heart-to-heart. I'm so blessed to have her as a housemate. She made me this wonderful drink - warmed up soy milk with honey and cinnamon - to help me fall asleep.

As I sip this comforting drink and listen to 'Gracie Mix vol. 5', I feel grateful and smile.

God knows
I've been taking a lot without giving back

Plant Story

I have this idea for the movie I'll never produce. I envision three characters, ther lives intersecting, witty banter, blah, blah, blah. I don't really have any sort of plot in mind, just characters and settings. I won't go into details about the characters; if you're curious, ask me and maybe I can tell you the stories in my head.

Anywho, I thought that I would show a little bit of the characters' attributes through plants. For example, the yuppy do-gooder would buy fresh flowers at the weekly farmer's market and proudly display them throughout her house. The sarcastic smart-ass would have a cactus garden. A friend gave a cactus to this character for every special occasion (Christmas, birthday, Easter, Flag Day); the friend thought it was perfect because cacti are low maintenance. However, the character manages to kill a consistent flow of cacti. Actually, I sometimes think of a completely opposite character who has a whole bunch of cacti as well, but kills them because he/she waters them too much. Moving on to my last character, this is probably the most "normal" character. She/he has potted plants and takes great care of them. She/he is the most sane and steady character. I heart flowers and plants, so I see a little bit of myself in all of the characters that I envision. But today, I realized that I'm a new character I hadn't actualized in my mind just yet.

Andrea had bought a few plants and flowers a couple of months ago. Most of them have died now because she forgot to water them or it's just been too hot. Since Andrea's been gone house-sitting for her boss, I've been watering the plants obsessively and telling them to get better. Today, I noticed that three of the plants were beginning to grow little green leaves or small portions of the stems were turning green. This delighted me so. I don't particularly find joy in watching the plants grow, but I realized that I love bringing dead plants to life again. So, now I imagine my new character walking in alleyways and scavenging for discarded dead plants. This character's place will be filled with dead plants barely coming back to life.

Off to write.

Common Sense

Me: You know how you get that feeling when someone's looking at you... what is that? Is there a word for that feeling? How does that work?
JJ: Senses, Liu!

I felt that his response was so ridiculous, yet I felt mildly stupid.

------------
I find it amazing how our brain works, processes all of our senses simultaneously. Sometimes, I like to isolate my senses - try to focus only on one sense. I took a walk during my lunch break and centered all of my energy on discerning scents. The city's scent is a grimy concoction - a mix of smog, newly installed carpet, fried foods, cigarette smoke and potent floral perfume.

"I don't like it like this"

by the Radio Dept. is currently on repeat.

Contrary to the song, I love it like this. I heart gloomy weather. It makes me feel alive and happy. Although, I was a bit confused today because I kept thinking that it was five o'clock in the evening. But, the whole day has just been overcast and grey. It's perfect weather for listening to the 'Marie Antoinette' soundtrack.

The plan for the evening: make soon-tofu (that looks weird... it's more like soondubu) and watch 'Before Sunset'.

:)