I want to fly

.

Drained Full

It was a tiring, challenging weekend. I'm waiting for everything to marinate in my mind. I do know that I want to have a bigger heart - a bigger heart to love, to forgive, to impact. For this, I shall pray.


Things that made me happy at retreat:

• small group: I fell in love with my small group. Donbi and I clicked in a unique way. We both look at people on the freeway and wonder where they're going, who they are, why they're driving that particular car, or why they're wearing those clothes. We end up thinking of detailed life stories for these people we have never met. Then we think about the fact that all these people probably have families. We feel overwhelmed and our minds just crash. We blame books for our overly active imagination and the fact that we're obsessed with stories. The girls were all amazing. As they shared, I learned so much from them. I can't wait to see how God is going to work through them to reveal Himself.
• morning prayer: There's something so refreshing and perfect about starting the day in prayer. Must do this more often.
• free time naps: So yummy.
• Johny singing "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" to me while I was sleeping. When I woke up, I thought it was in my dream, but later found out that it really happened. It's so strange; I even remember his voice: "This song is for Grace Liu." I woke up feeling so warm and comforted inside.
• heart to heart with Dan. Always so comfortable. Thanks pal.
• falling asleep listening to Chopin (well, this is always... but I ESPECIALLY enjoy it after a long day). By the way, thanks Paul for the sleeping bag. I truly appreciated it.
• hanging out with JiSoo and watching Ed take care of his little sister so lovingly.
• watching the students praise their hearts out

I hope we made God happy.

Where's Your Walden?

the beach for me. It's thought-provoking and makes me happy.

Mon's dream place is Walden (that Thoreau... he's so dreamy).

Mon: Yeah, I want a log cabin ... and a seadoo.
Grace: I'm not sure there was a seadoo in Walden. Aren't you supposed to be like finding yourself?
Mon: I'll find myself on my seadoo... Hey! It'll be Mon-den.

They Weren't There

You breathed infinity into my world
and time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.
We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night.
Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind,
we'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him" but oh,
now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
but I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
so they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
and they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand
and led through fields of naked land
where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
so I couldn't say "no".

You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.
You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,
I wouldn't say "no". But they all said, "you're too young to even know,
just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him"
but oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
but I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
so they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
and they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
so I couldn't say "no".

*sigh*

Things that look pretty from a little distance

. an island
. the backs of a parent and child holding hands
. a spiderweb
. the still reflection of a mountain on a lake
. tree leaves dancing to the rhythm of the breeze
. crashing waves
. a man playing the piano
. someone reading, writing, drawing
. the land of South Africa
. the sun's rays piercing its way through the clouds

. an act of love...

I wish I could get closer.

I wish I could just freeze time and stare. To just sit and immerse myself in beauty... hoping that I could just melt and become a new entity, actually that I would just be swept away by beauty and live as an abstract idea on the peripheral. That would be brilliant.

Traffic

I went to the beach with Mon today. It was absolutely perfect. The water felt refreshing, the sun comforting and my worries and anxiety seemed to drift away with the breeze. These days, I seem to have lots of thoughts. This results in many collisions in my mind. I can't even journal. I think about it, but then I don't even know where to begin. I'm pretty sure I'll feel better and together once I journal, but yeah. I was planning on journaling once I went to the beach, but I ended up sleeping. It was the yummiest nap ever.

I was going to update, but there's too much traffic in my mind. Once it clears up, I'll write some more. For now, I want to enjoy this hollow, light feeling. It's a bit peculiar.