I feel overwhelmed when I think about the world and its unfathomable number of inhabitants, the unknown lands, abyssal waters, the diversity of life in rainforests, the complexity of oppression, poverty, disease, and politics. Once I begin thinking about one issue, my mind transforms into a chaotic web of ideas and emotions as one thought exponentially expands in every direction beyond my realm. I get stuck in the middle as the web seems to grow thicker. I can’t catch up. I eventually give up; I stand frozen and helpless.
I dream of a poverty-free and peace-loving world, but reality traps me in this web.
I was a child with countless thoughts roaming around in my little head with a mind that soon began to outgrow its physical containment. I was intrigued by the world. I lived in wonder and curiosity. As I began to read and live in books, my thirst for answers only became more desperate. How could I live in such freedom while a child my age in Africa would struggle everyday to find enough firewood to sell for food? How could there be hunger in this world when there were kids in my cafeteria throwing away trays of food because it was cardboard pizza day? The world made no sense to me. It still makes no sense to me. I am bewildered and baffled. I am enchanted by the world’s hidden beauty and mystery. As a child, I was disturbed to see such ugliness in the world, but I believed it had to possess goodness and beauty as well. I wanted to discover the world, fall in love with it.
I fell in love.
South Africa was a perfect microcosm of my view of the world as a child. As I traversed the beautiful desert plains, my love affair with the world grew larger than my soul could contain. The children in Africa I imagined as a child all became a true, sad and beautiful reality. I experienced the beauty of hope and redemption speaking with the HIV patients at a village hospital, hearing the stories of raped women, and listening to old men reflect upon the country’s history and politics outside the convenient store porch. I realized that in a seemingly despondent and hopeless place, hope lies in the people.
I am in love.
10.5.06
8.5.06
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