Divided and Connected

I watched Babel with my mom yesterday. I generally like movies where all the characters are connected in some way; therefore, I liked Babel. Beyond that aspect of the film, I thought it was a thought-provoking and intense film. It made me realize that so many things are complicated in this world simply because of lack of communication and understanding.

I couldn't really handle the abrupt cuts and extremely close moving shots. I ended up throwing up (don't worry, I made it to the bathroom. No Mon, I'm not pregnant). Besides that, I liked the movie. It's one of those movies (like 21 Grams) that I'm glad I saw, but I don't think I'll be able to watch more than once. My mom thought it was too sad: This world is already sad. Don't watch sad movies. It's not good for you.

The Bell Jar

is now one of my favorite books. It's definitely on the top 10 list. I found the book at an old, used bookstore near my house as I went on a poetry and play binge. I already scanned for Tennessee Williams (and found a fabulous book with several of my favorite plays; this excited me), Dickinson and I slowly made my way over to the 'P' section for Plath. I wanted a collection of poems, but found a tiny book. You know how I like small things. So I picked out the book and read the title, The Bell Jar. I had never heard of it before, but I liked the title and cover. I basically judged a book based on its cover and impulsively bought it.

I guess it's one of her most famous works. I like Plath's poems, but hadn't really researched anything about her novels. It's supposed to be a semi-autobiographical account of her own mental breakdown and suicide attempt. I found it quite odd and eerie that I related to the character so much. Esther Greenwood (the main character) is much more intense and dramatic, but I understood the core of her emotions and thoughts. I suppose many early-twenty-somethings dissatisfied with society's expectations may also relate to the character and argue that this is their story, but that's probably why this book is so popular. Kristine said it's supposed to be the girl version of The Catcher in the Rye. I can see the similarities, but I like The Bell Jar more (maybe because I'm a girl).

Here are a few quotes I liked (or more accurately put: stuff I wish I was brilliant enough to have thought of first and written):

• If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days.
• ...I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.
• How did I know that someday - at college, in Europe, somewhere, anywhere - the bell jar, with its stifling distortions, wouldn't descend again?

Traditions

My mother and I usually wake up Christmas day, have coffee and toast, then watch Little Women. I think when I was a child, I tried to start some kind of tradition because I was envious of all the other white kids who had a family tradition for every holiday, anniversary and birthday. Kids would eat on special plates, add charms to bracelets, spend time playing a game their grandparents played when they were kids. I'm not quite sure why I envied all that so much. I may still deep down inside. Perhaps, it's the consistency and warm-fuzzy-feeling associated with traditions.

I imagine that I would like to have certain traditions with my children: trick-or-treat for Unicef, World AIDS day walks, buying and decorating the lone Christmas tree which was killed for nothing because it has no leaves and no one will buy it. I really hope my children think that all these things are neat.


In these frozen and silent nights
Sometimes in a dream you appear
Outside under the purple sky
Diamonds in the snow sparkle

And our hearts were singin'
It felt like Christmas time

Ma Maman

Me: Okay, bye.
Mama Liu: Okay . . . I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Mama Liu: Thank you, thank you.

We can hear each other's smiles.

Star Struck

I went to the holiday luncheon. Everyone brought a gift for the gift exchange. People could open gifts or steal from others. I've never participated in such a vicious gift exchange. I had a grand time.

---------
Dan Rather came to our office today to interview Bonnie (the District Attorney) regarding medical marijuana. I guess he was here a while ago for this piece, but they decided to expand the story to an hour feature, so they came back for another interview. They shot a scene with Bonnie and Dan Rather walking down our hallway. I accidentally walked in the hallway, saw Dan Rather's back, gasped and ran into an office. I was very embarrassed. No one came and told me that the hallway was closed for 5 minutes. Paul (the Communications Director) asked if they wanted to reshoot it and Dan Rather said it was okay because it looks more natural.

I was so star struck. I shook his hand. He was so nice. He called me, "Ms. Liu". I usually hate that, but it was nice to hear Dan Rather call me Ms. Liu. I wish I could just have coffee with him. He's seen so much; he must have so many stories to share.

Here's a picture of JJ, Dan Rather and giddy me:

Haven

I'm thankful for...
.moments of clarity.
.laughter.
.a spiritual stronghold.
.refuge.

Now peace is so hard to find
We're terrorized and victimized
But that's when I close my eyes
And think of you to ease my mind
You take me to another place
There's no more war
Just love and grace

Purged

Sometimes it feels good to cry. I never used to feel that way before. I usually feel the need to take a shower and sleep right after I cry. I've been this way since I was a child. My mama would scold me, I would cry, then take a nap. I would wake up with puffy eyes and feel much better. I was a cry baby when I was a child. I think I still am deep down inside, but I've suppressed those tendencies ever since 8th grade. I don't know why 8th grade, but that's what I remember.

I always feel bad when I cry in front of others because most of the time, they don't know what to do. It creates an awkward situation. It's such a strange thing: crying, tears... salty liquid coming out of one's eyes. I wonder why God made tears salty. I wonder why we even have the ability to cry.

There are different catalysts that may lead to crying: joy, sadness, anger, frustration, bitterness, etc. Joyful crying always surprises me because I don't expect or realize the tears. Sad crying makes my heart feel empty. Angry crying makes my shoulders tense. Frustrated/bitter crying makes my head hurt.

In the end, I feel exhausted.

13 songs

If I could steal the mind of any songwriter, I would want Fiona Apple's songwriting brilliance. I was debating between Joni Mitchell and Fiona Apple, but Fiona won. It may be because of my mood.

Fiona Apple songs I never get tired of:

• Extraordinary Machine
• Oh Well
• Fast as you can
• Paper Bag
• Red Red Red
• Better version of me
• Parting Gift
• Please Please Please
• Shadowboxer
• Sullen Girl
• A Mistake
• Get Gone
• Never is a promise

this list is getting too long. I think it's safe to say that I like every Fiona Apple song.

Wait, I forgot about Ani Difranco. Hmmm... This is tough. It's a tie.

Ani Difranco songs I never get tired of:

• 32 Flavors
• Shy
• Manhole
• Paradigm
• Grey
• Lag time
• Studying stones
• Recoil
• As is
• Seeing eye dog
• Hour Follows Hour
• Knuckle down
• She Says

The Treachery of Images

Magritte!

Finally, I can post some exciting art news happening in California. I've been living vicariously through Charlotte as she visits rad exhibits nearly every weekend in New York.

This Magritte exhibit looks like uber fun: http://www.lacma.org/art/MagritteIndex.aspx

The Treachery of Images (This is not a pipe) is one of my favorite paintings ever. Plus, LACMA has a David exhibit, photography exhibit (with Cindy Sherman works) and an exhibit featuring Picasso's Greatest Print: The Minotauromachy in All Its States (I love seeing a piece through all the different phases)! I'm uber jazzed. I plan on going Friday or Saturday afternoon. Let me know if you want to go. :)

Bon Mon Week-end

It was indeed a good weekend.

Mon came home for a couple of days. I had dinner at the Morales household Thursday night. I was busy taking notes (for my book/movie never to be completed) because Mon's family is quite quirky. I took Friday off from work to play with Mon. We had a fantastic time as always. We watched Happy Feet! Many of you may know that I adore penguins. I fell in love with them in South Africa (yes! There are penguins in South Africa! Absolutely wonderful!). So, Happy Feet was purely delightful. How can one not enjoy singing and dancing penguins?! The next thing I would enjoy is a movie about zebras. Hmmm... I think I like animals that are black and white. I like pandas too. Hmm.. Anyhoo,

We spent the rest of the day eating (?). I'm not exactly sure what we did Friday, but I know that I felt rejuvenated and encouraged afterwards. So many times, we just know what the other is thinking. We can be silly, make mistakes, feel confused and it's okay.

Wow, I feel like this entry was an overly-enthusiastic-teenage-girl-Dear-Diary entry. Oh well.

Op-Ed

simple, concise and brilliant. The writer is a poet, translator and university lecturer. He embodies three professions I admire.

Fear of Freedom

What's Wrong?

That's my pet peeve question. I hate it when people ask me, "What's wrong?" Most of the time nothing is "wrong" and the question puts me in a foul mood. The question is wrong.

I have gotten used to those close to me asking me this at times simply because I know that they know me and can sense if something truly is bothering me. That was also a process of letting go. It annoyed me at first, but now it doesn't.

JJ is very intuitive/sensitive. He always checks in with me. I guess I'm not used to sensitive guys. He said that he sensed that my energy level was low and asked what was wrong. I told him that I haven't been able to sleep lately, so I'm just tired.

JJ: You're just tired from not sleeping? Nothing's bothering you?
Me: Yeah, I'm just tired.
JJ: If something was going on, would you tell me?
Me: Of course. That's the thing. JJ, that's actually one of my pet peeves. I know it's what you do and you're just caring, but I usually can't stand it when people ask me "What's wrong?" because you're already assuming that something is wrong. It makes me search for something to be wrong.
JJ: Ok, I won't ask you that anymore. It's just that we spend so much time together and I can sense when your energy level is low. But Grace, you don't tell me when something's going on. I have to work at it and pull your teeth to get it out of you. You keep it all inside and hide it.

So now, I'm the sensitve one and in a bad mood. I feel that I'm an open book and share freely with people around me. I'm beginning to wonder whether that truly is the case. I think half the time I don't really know what I'm feeling, so I can't share it. Others may point it out to me for me to ever realize it. That bothers me.

Personal Bubble Space

New York Times article:
Corners: In Certain Cirlces, Two is a Crowd

Crave Connection

Isn't it amazing how people connect, relate, share the same passions and interests? I am always so intrigued when I think about people and relationships. Although we are all unique, we can find a thread of connection. I dream of simply traveling around the world to talk with people, learn of their passions, and connect. There are people in my life I easily connect with. Conversations are peppered with laughter, banter, encouragement. The conversations rejuvenate and I feel alive. I imagine I can have this kind of connection with everyone if I tried. It truly amazes and delights me when I discover new things about a person. It's more amazing when I find that those new things align perfectly with my thoughts, ideas and passions. I suppose it all depends on timing. One can easily overlook a perfect friend. Before really knowing someone, have you ever thought: I think we could be really good friends. What makes us think that before truly knowing them? What is that initial connection?

..................

I read over some of my old journals last night. It's the first time I've ever read my journal entries. It's amazing to see how much I've changed and haven't changed. My South Africa journal made me miss it so... I'm thinking about posting a few of the entries here, but I think it may only interest me and everyone else may find it quite boring. Hope was the motif during my stay. Most of my journal entries are documentations of conversations I had during the day with random people. I asked every one of them what they thought of hope. I craved hope.

One line that I wrote truly made me miss South Africa: I feel at home here.

mariée ? fiancée ? célibataire ?

Last night, we had class at a French Restaurant just around the corner from where I live. The teacher told us we could bring guests. I went seule. It was a pleasant opportunity to chat with my classmates and get to know them. Most of my classmates are young professionals, so it was neat to learn about what they do and what they studied in college.

Many people brought their significant others, which I found quite interesting. It almost seemed like a trophy contest. All the couples congregated together. I wish I could have observed them some more and taken notes because it all seemed so awkward. It wasn't uncomfortable or anything, but I experienced a subtle sense of awkwardness as I watched them. I felt awkward for them. Even if I did have a boyfriend, I don't think I would have taken him.

I was glad I didn't have awkward.

p.s. I'll post some of the songs on that list some time soon. My ipod keeps dying and my computer died a while ago. I suppose I can list from memory.

Life Soundtrack

I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

I bought the soundtrack to The Last Kiss. I haven't watched the movie. It was an impulsive buy. I have most of the songs, but I felt so happy to see so many of my favorite artists and songs in one place. It would have made more sense to modify a playlist, but I was so excited that the soundtrack nearly mirrored my 'songs I never get tired of/soundtrack of my life' list. The elation led me to purchase.

What's on your life soundtrack?

Makes no sense at all

Home Going Celebration
I went to a funeral service this week for Reverend George Stevens. However, the word "funeral" was not printed once on the program. It was more appropriately and correctly called a home going celebration. Reverend Stevens was a prominent African-American activist and politician in San Diego. It was a beautiful celebration of his life and an amazing worship service for God. The choir was awe-inspiring. I liked how the congregation was so expressive. People would respond throughout the service, randomly stand up, clap, lift their arms.

Roxy
On a random note, I went horseback riding yesterday for Beverly Day. My horse's name was Roxy. Beverly's horse, Cooper was quite temperamental. JJ's horse was huge and steady. Roxy kept stopping to smell the flowers. I think she had allergies like me because she kept sneezing.

Visits
I have had quite a few visitations in the last month. Andy inadvertently visited me. Johny came by last Friday, which was exciting because it was a mini surprise. For some reason, Johny makes me say goofy things. I feel that half of our conversations don't make any sense. The other half of our conversations, we're actually having three different conversations. It's hard to explain, but I always feel very comfortable around Johny although we haven't been close-close friends for a long time. I find Johny very insightful and understanding.

Johny minus the 'y'
John MSN visited yesterday. He brought Shayna and Nathan. I absolutely adore them. Sena and Sharon joined us for dinner. We had a nice time.

Arrested Development vs. Scrubs
I can't believe I never watched Arrested Development until now. To put all the peer-pressuring from Dan and Drew to rest, here is my statement: I like both shows equally. I truly do. Dan and Drew don't believe me when I say that, but both shows are hilarious to me in very different ways. I think Dan needs to watch more of Scrubs and Drew needs to watch more of Arrested Development. We can all get along.

Plus One
Sophia's wedding is on a yacht. I think it's going to be quite elegant, yet freezing because it's on a yacht in December. It feels like a date wedding (where one must or should take a date) and this unecessarily annoys me. It's probably perfectly fine if I don't take a date and go with Kristine and Hana. I like going to places alone and doing things alone because I like to observe people. I never feel uncomfortable with the idea of being alone. But, when I imagine looking at people and jotting down notes on my napkin at a wedding, I feel a bit uncomfortable to be honest.

Relationships
In response to the comment on my last post, I'm not exactly sure of the answer. When I think about successful or failed relationships, I can vaguely picture what they look like in my mind. However, it's hard to imagine how we got there. I see various turning points in the relationships, but it all seems so blurred. I wonder if any relationship really fails. What does it mean to succeed or fail in a relationship? I suppose one must first define success and failure. I don't think I've ever looked at relationships in terms of success or failure. I see them as broken, renewed or sustained. In conclusion, I have not provided any new or profound thoughts as a reply to the comment because I have no idea. Relationships. They're a mystery to me. My mind isn't ready to handle just yet.

How in the hell do we get ourselves in these situations?

The bridge from "Makes No Sense At All" is stuck in my head. Someone, please help. Can't. get. it. out.

White/Red

I work downtown right by the harbor, so we usually see all the tourists on cruises at restaurants and walking down the street during lunch break. This week, I saw a lot of white. White uniforms, white hats and white shoes. Sailors everywhere. They're from Korea on this world tour.

JJ and I went to Sushi Deli (JJ's favorite place to eat) for lunch the other day. JJ saw someone he knew and left me to talk to her. I looked around and saw five sailors in a small circle. They started talking to me because they noticed that I was Korean. They were all very friendly and excited to see San Diego. One guy was so excited he got to see dolphins on their way here.

There's something about sailors that makes them seem like little boys to me. I think it might be the uniform.
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I went to a Red Ribbon Luncheon today. The National Red Ribbbon Campaign began in 1985, following the murder of DEA Special Agent Enrique Camarena, killed by drug traffickers. His son, Enrique Camarena Jr. spoke at today's function. He works here at the District Attorney's Office. I had no idea how Red Ribbon Week started. Here's what he wrote about what happened:
In 1985, my father was a DEA Agent working undercover in Mexico. As a DEA Agent, he was stationed in Calexico, CA, Fresno, CA and then Guadalajara, Mexico. His work in Guadalajara brought him close to unlocking a multi-billion dollar drug pipeline which he suspected extended into the highest reaches of the Mexican army, police and government. Nearly eleven years after he joined the DEA, his life came to a tragic end. On February 7, 1985, just three weeks before he was to be reassigned to San Diego, he was kidnapped by five men, who shoved him into a sedan just outside the United States Consulate. He was kidnapped in broad day light with the complicity of the Mexican Police. On March 6, his body, and the body of his pilot, Alfredo Zavala-Alvera (who had been kidnapped separately on the same day ) were found in a shallow grave.

His death sparked a debate in this country. All of which was followed by a well orchestrated cover up. It drew media attention from the day that my dad went missing to months and even years after. My father's murder drew the outrage of the American public who, maybe for the first time, saw the true dark side of drug trafficking and to what depths the drug cartel leaders would sink to maintain control of their business.

The events surrounding my dad's murder sparked a grass roots campaign to reduce the demand for drugs and encourage a healthy, violence-free lifestyle across the United States. Saddened by his death, his friends, family and youth in his hometown of Calexico, California began wearing Red Ribbons in his honor. The movement has grown every year. The Red Ribbon Campaign symbolizes support for efforts to reduce demand for drugs through prevention and education programs.

Each year from October 23rd to October 31st thousands of schools, communities and drug abuse prevention organizations throughout the country distribute red ribbons to honor my father's memory and visibly show a dedication to be drug free. It is estimated that 80 million people participate in Red Ribbon Week around the nation.

Thank you in advance for participating.

I want to be a quitter

It's hard to quit something. It was incredibly difficult for me to quit coffee. I probably haven't and will never fully quit coffee. It's a sad realization; the truth that something can have such a hold on me. I'm now trying to let go of another vice of mine and I'm surprised by how difficult it is to quit. I feel that once I get through this week, it might get a little bit easier. So far, I think about it everyday. Once I get past the two-month mark, I'll probably share this vice of mine. For now, please excuse the ambiguity. It's just embarrassing because it's so silly.

WoW

in a bad way.

JJ and I figuratively got punched in the stomach about four times this week. I am so disgusted with the politics, bureaucracy and selfishness of the corrections system. It's all very disturbing and disheartening.

I'm

• looking forward to the museum reception tonight.
• having trouble sleeping again. I've had two nightmares about marriage and my future the past week.
• not learning too much in my French class. It's a lot of working on conversations and pronunciation, which is great. I don't mind so much because I'm taking it for fun. The teacher has basically taught us most everything related to dating, so if anything, I'll be able to flirt in Paris. We had to describe our ideal mate in French on Wednesday. The teacher said I have "bizarre taste" in men.
• glad it's so grey outside. It rained a little bit here. I wish I was outside right now so I could enjoy the beautiful grey day. I can't wait to wear my polka-dot wellies on a pouring day and walk around without fearing puddles.

I know.. not any time soon, but still...

teleportation

Thanks awk for the article.

with dashel: walking in the alley, blue sky, smelly dumpsters

(sigh)
hm?
another day.
they just keep happening, don't they?
yeah.
crazy world.

Dashel is Andrea's friend who has visited a couple of times. When I first met him, he had hot pink hair the length of Kurt Cobain's hair. He writes plays, sings and plays the guitar. Dashel is an eccentric character straight out of an indie flick.

I want to hold your hand

A Simple Show of Hands

I think the second page is better than the first.

“We found that holding the hand of really anyone, it made your brain work a little less hard in coping,” Dr. Coan said, adding that any sort of hand-holding relaxes the body.

------------------
The aja project (where I almost worked and where Andrea does work):
The mission of The AjA Project is to empower refugee and underprivileged youth through educational programs and to help them create better opportunities for their future. We fulfill our mission by fostering a sense of belonging and self-worth in refugee youth, as they develop valuable vocational, technical, and photography skills.

If you're free next Friday, October 13, 2006, I invite you to:
Re+COLLECT: Reception
San Diego Museum of Art Sculpture Garden / The Prado, Balboa Park
6pm-9pm
(Suggested donation $100.00) but at this point, Andrea said they need people to attend, so a donation in any amount ($5, $10, or whatever you can afford) is appreciated.

I think a few of the students will discuss their photographs.

Here's the website for the aja project: www.ajaproject.org You can see some of the photos on the Re+COLLECT link. Let me know if you want to go. :)

Juxtaposed Emotions

Infuriated.
Global Sludge Ends in Tragedy for the Ivory Coast

Enchanted.
Paris la Nuit

Dans

Dan 1
Dan visited San Diego yesterday. We did a few of my favorite things: ate sushi, watched a documentary and walked along the harbor. I never get tired of those sculptures. I enjoy that our conversations can go anywhere from talking/debating about Warhol, relationships, how boats are built, new realizations and anything else that comes up. It's nice to be around someone I've known for so long, who knows me so well. Thanks for visiting Dan.

Dan 2
I recently emailed Dan, my nonfiction television professor who basically was my favorite person at USC. I email him whenever I feel confused about my future. His responses are always so comforting and wonderful. I appreciate his encouragement and words of wisdom. He's always impressed by what I'm doing and even thinking. I don't quite understand, but that's what he says to me. It's silly, but I love that he calls me a gem. It makes me feel so small and special.

---

a dancing soul...

My room

I think I'm nearly done decorating my room. I finally feel settled in. It may be the favorite in my life thus far. I especially like it in the dark with lit candles. The flickering makes all the pictures come alive.

Weird: lotion bar.
JJ brought me one from St. Louis, Missouri. It looks like soap, but it's lotion(?).

Happy Peace Day!

All we are saying is give peace a chance.
John Lennon

Peace is the only battle worth waging.
Albert Camus

And He will judge between the nations,
And will render decisions for many peoples;
And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks
Nation will not lift up sword against nation,
And never again will they learn war.
Isaiah 2:4

Peace is always beautiful.
Walt Whitman

Dark Chocolate

Yesterday was my first day volunteering for St. Luke's Refugee Network. The organization supports Sudanese families during their years of adjustment to American life. There are approximately 3,500 Sudanese refugees living in the San Diego area. St. Luke's provides many services, including after-school tutoring. I decided to check it out yesterday after work and fell in love.

I worked with Moses, an 8th grader who loves basketball and hip-hop.

Moses...
his skin is dark chocolate
rich, deep, beautiful
the color of the soul's abyss.

Moses wrote a story about drowning. I think it's the best story I've read from a student. He doesn't make eye contact very often or smile. I look forward to learning more about him.

p.s. Tomorrow is International Peace Day, so remember to sport your peace signs. Andrea made me a neat badge and sewed a peace sign on one of my shirts. :) Peace is always in fashion.

Meghan O'Neil

I always feel so full after hanging out with Megs. She exudes such warmth and love. We always seem to understand one another. No matter how much time passes by or how far apart we are, I feel so connected with Megs. We had a wonderful time of talking about books, family, God, love and of course, marriage. I learned quite a bit about marriage from Megs. I like that she's equally honest about her fears, challenges, joys and achievements. It's too bad Brandon (her husband) couldn't hang out with us. I adore Brandon.

I'm so thankful for Meghan's visit. I feel so refreshed and challenged. Simply being in Meghan's presence is comforting. I love her beautiful soul.

I was sad last night after we said goodbye. I tried my hardest not to cry.

Books Galore!

I don't like to read two or more books at the same time (minus a book and the Bible). I get too confused and feel a bit overwhelmed because I get so immersed in the book. Therefore, I can only handle one book at a time. However, I feel a bit overwhelmed today because I have so many books I want to read and now I realize I have already opened more than one book. I can't just close it and finish what I've already started and go back because it's too late. Once the book is opened, there's no turning back. I don't know how I got in this predicament.

Here is my current reading list:

• A Wrinkle in Time: Charlotte recommended I read the book again and continue on with the series. I pretty much do whatever Charlotte tells me to do because I never regret it. The book is way more fun than I remember.
• The Best of Sherlock Holmes: Dan recommended Sherlock Holmes to me years ago. I was quite surprised and felt that it was a worthy investment because Dan liked it and Dan doesn't really like to read. It has now become my reading right before I fall asleep. Sometimes, I get too into the story and can't fall asleep because I have to finish it.
• The Safest Place on Earth: I'm supposed to read it twice by next week for small group. I read a little bit of the foreword and it seems interesting. I'm excited to learn.
• The Ragamuffin Gospel - Visual Edition: I read a few pages every so often and admire the art in the book. The visuals complement the beauty of the gospel. It's thought provoking, challenging and convicting. I can handle small doses. Reading the book inspires me to write, take photos and put it all together.
• Desiring God: I received a copy of this book from Chung. He mentioned the book a couple of weeks ago and said that the book changed his life. He enjoyed the book so much, he bought the book in bulk and now had a bunch to give out, so he gave me one because he learned that I like to read and I don't mind dense books. The book does look intense. I haven't started yet because I want to wait until I can devote my full attention to the book. I'll probably wait until I finish a couple of the other books I'm reading right now.

I like the idea of books as gifts. It's an exchange of ideas and feelings. I especially like it when little messages are written inside the book because every time I open it or read it, I'm reminded of the person who gave it to me.

I like to think about what other people think about when they read. I want to know what lines stood out to them, how they felt, what they thought as they read certain passages. Reading an already marked-up book is my delight; it's a flashing glimpse into a person's mind.

Beauty for Ashes

Beauty for ashes
A garment of praise for my heaviness
Beauty for ashes
Take this heart of stone and make it yours

I delight myself in the Riches of Fare
Trading all that I've had for all that is better
A garment of praise for my heaviness
You are the greatest taste,
You're the Richest of Fare

Lights Spoiled

White Christmas lights connect the lamp posts along a bridge through Balboa Park. JJ and I like to drive through the park and look at everything (as if it's the first time we've ever seen the museums and organ pavillion).

Grace: I like these lights.
JJ: At night?
Grace: Yeah, I guess at night. I mean, I like these lights right now too though because I can imagine what they'll look like at night. I just like that they're there.
JJ: I knew you would say that! Something weird like that. That's why I asked "at night?". Only you would say you like those lights during the daytime because you can imagine them at night.
Grace: Oh... But, that's how I feel.
JJ: Grace, you're so weird. But in a nice way. I like that you notice things I don't see.

I feel very spoiled in San Diego. JJ spoils me as his baby sister and all the men always open doors and let me in/out first. It still surprises me and I get uber awkward because I would rather follow than go in/out first, so I do this 1.5 second rocking back and forth before I step forward.

XDR-TB

The World Health Organization will hold an emergency meeting tomorrow and Friday to deal with a tuberculosis crisis in South Africa. They're finding deadly strains of XDR-TB, extreme drug-resistant TB that are virtually untreatable with standard drugs. The high rates of HIV in South Africa exacerbate the crisis.

I always feel so overwhelmed when I think about the people of South Africa, but I always try to remember that God loves them more than I do. When I read about XDR-TB, my heart sank. The suffering in Africa makes no sense to me. I don't understand how we, as the world can allow all the suffering to occur in Africa or in any other part of the world. I suppose we have to do our part as opportunities arise.

Could you take a couple of minutes to lift up a prayer for South Africa?

Remaining hopeful,
Grace

Cluttered Thoughts

• the sun drains. I went to RJD (the men's prison near San Diego) again today. A bee landed on my shirt and I nearly freaked out. Julie (an analyst at the D.A.'s office) thought it was odd: You walk confidently around this place, talk to murderers, but you're scared of a bee. Julie reminds me a lot of Marianne. It's scary at times. She has an interesting perspective of me and what one should achieve in life.
• speaking of achievements in life. I was offered a public information position at the D.A.'s office. It's a long story, but basically, I'm not 100% sure I'm going to get it because I showed a lack of enthusiasm the first time it was offered to me. People in this office don't show much sympathy for those who actually have to think things through before making a decision. I feel torn because I know in my mind it's a great opportunity, but I couldn't help but freak out as Gail (the Communications Director) described the job to me. Scenes from The Devil Wears Prada flashed across my mind. At this point, I'll probably take the job if they still want me because it's a challenging and learning opportunity. I think I'm just tired of people telling me that this is the best opportunity that can come my way at this stage in my life and that I'm foolish for not being excited about it. I can't help it if this position doesn't make me giddy.
• I had a nice heart-to-heart with Jules after EM service on Sunday. It was nice and comfortable. I admire Julie's soft and warm heart.
• I like playing with Doojin. We had breakfast on Sunday. We can talk about nothing and everything.
• Johny was in Lake Elsinore on Saturday, so we played. It was neat and kind of strange hanging out with him in Lake Elsinore. I felt a little exposed and vulnerable. I drove him around the lake, Main St., my old schools and my old houses. It was odd driving around to my old houses because I never went back once I moved. I had mostly happy memories at some houses and really terrible memories at a particular house. As I stared at the house I hated, I felt overwhelmed by the events that took place in that house. I wonder who lives there now. Are they happy? I hope so. That house holds so many memories. Whenever I see or go inside an old house, I always wonder about all the people who once resided in the house and what happened. So many stories.
• I tutored Harrison and his younger brother, Harold yesterday. Afterwards, Harrison's mom, my mom and I started talking about marriage. Harrison's mom and I have a lot in common. As I listened to her thoughts about marriage and how she felt before getting married, I noticed many similarities. I think I might call her up sometime and talk to her some more.
• Please watch Little Miss Sunshine. I cried. I laughed.
• I watched Annie Hall again. I watched it a long time ago when I was too young to understand or appreciate it. I really like the movie. I think it may be one of my top five favorite romantic comedies. My mama likes movies, so we watched AMC a lot when I was a kid. I think she thought that all movies on AMC were okay for me to watch because they were old. She thought that older movies weren't inappropriate for a kid to watch compared to movies these days. When I think about it now, I watched a lot of movies that were inappropriate for me to watch. It's a good thing I have such terrible memory.
• Whew. I wrote a lot. I also wrote "a lot" a lot. I realized that as I was writing, but decided not to worry about it. My mind feels less cluttered. Sorry you read this all. Hopefully, my next entry will be less disorganized.

Dear Reader,

I remember when I first learned to write letters. I wonder why the greeting is "Dear".

I left my Bible bag at my mama's, so I'm Wordless this week. This has led to more thinking and meditating on verses I've memorized (which makes me realize that I need to memorize more verses).

I realize that my life is so good. I felt overwhelmed by that thought this week. I even tried to think about my current struggles and what not, but the good overwhelmingly outweighs the bad. No matter how difficult or challenging life is, nothing can taint the beautiful truth that there is love, hope and joy in God.

As I thought about the good in my life, I can't help but be so grateful for the friends, siblings in my life. I grew up as an only child. Although I have three half-sisters, I consider myself an only child. I wonder about them at times and it makes me sad; yet, I feel that I don't lack in family at all.

I am thankful for..

• a big sister who loves me no matter what and can see absolutely no wrong in me. I think her love for me is greater than any love my three half-sisters could collectively ever have for me.
• a big brother who teases me out of love, always comforts me when I cry and seems to speak a perfect language that my soul easily discerns.
• my sister who may be more Korean inside than me. She teaches me to be honest, vulnerable and brave.
• a little sister who understands the inner workings of my mind and emotions. We can share any and all embarrassing feelings and thoughts. It's amazing how our souls mirror one another.
• my other big sister across the country. I can feel her love from thousands of miles away. Her wisdom and encouragement inspire me so... She fuels my idealistic dreams.
• all my friends who are family to me: friends who make me wacky and silly, friends who hope, friends who are brilliant, friends who challenge...
• you.

My mama always fears that I'll be left alone when my parents have passed away. I am thankful that I can't even imagine that.

Love rise up

The Ugandan government and Lord's Resistance Army signed a truce Saturday. The LRA went on local radio to announce that as of today, their war is over and they will stop fighting.

We still need to pray for Uganda... for Africa.. for the world. Let's pray for healing. Let's pray for light. Let's pray for joy. Let's pray for dancing.

Album of the day: David Crowder Band's A Collision

Hope rise up.

Mystery Moments

I read a portion of a story in The Best of Sherlock Holmes last night. I couldn't finish it because I fell asleep at 9. I don't understand why I'm so tired. I eat healthy foods, I exercise, I'm not consuming any coffee. Maybe I'm still catching up from the retreat? I don't feel that I should be so tired from the retreat though because it was more rejuvenating than tiring. I can't wait to finish the story tonight before I fall asleep.

I also read John... I don't remember.. last night. I read the part where Jesus washes the disciples' feet. I wanted to do the last QT from the retreat book that we didn't get a chance to do. One of the points in the lesson was that the disciples acknowledged Jesus as their teacher and Lord. This made me reflect. I definitely think of Jesus as a teacher, but is He really Lord of my life? I learn so much from Jesus, but do I obey and worship Him as my Lord and Savior? How different would my life be if I truly lived as Jesus as my Lord? I have to think on this some more.

As I was preparing my lunch this morning, I thought about moments. I know I talk about this all the time, but here are a few more thoughts. I like moments. I enjoy them. I wonder if it's possible to enjoy every moment. Can I enjoy this moment - cleaning my strawberries and packing them in tupperware - just as much as I enjoy a moment sitting at the beach and burying my feet in the warm sand? As I thought about it, I realized that I do enjoy those seemingly mundane moments just the same and I can similarly enjoy every moment in my life. It may be difficult to enjoy every single moment, but I will try my hardest.

It's about being joyful and thankful in all situations. At this moment, I'm thankful that I work in an air-conditioned facility able to enjoy my Green Machine Naked Juice while listening to Joni Mitchell. I'm joyful because God has a plan and I can trust Him.

Every moment is enjoyable because it exists.

God Loves You.

That was pretty much the theme of the youth group retreat this past weekend.

I went to the retreat with a student's heart - eager to learn, hang out and worship as a family. The speaker was very anecdotal and it was a bit difficult at times to find the lesson or main message, but in the end that worked out as a positive. I talked to a few students about the retreat and they also felt they didn't really learn as much as they thought they would, but in the end it only made them more hungry for the Word. Overall, I was so encouraged by the students. I learned so much from them.

I loved...

• watching Ben and Andrew rock out during praise.
• watching our FPC youth group worship freely.
• praying with the students.
• the testimony sharing time - hearing about how God is moving.
• QT in the morning sitting on a rock and closing my eyes as I looked up at the sun. I really love that orange glow. It warms my soul.
• watching the youth group kids welcome my innocent tutor boys from Murrieta.
• small group with the 13th and 12th grade girls. They even woke up earlier than the other students so we could have more time for QT sharing because they know that they talk a lot and they didn't want to be late for breakfast.
• watching Brian Kim eat.
• bonding with DChon.
• praying with Mansoo. Why is that kid so sweet?
• staff meetings. The youth group staff is amazing. I'm always so humbled and challenged by the hearts of the teachers. They're so devoted and full of love. It truly was a privilege to serve with them.
• meditating on the fact that God loves me. I've heard it so many times, yet I think it's been a while since I've actually understood it. I'm not sure if I fully do, or if I ever will. I want to actualize that thought.. truth in my life.

God loves you.

Such a simple statement filled with power that leaves me in wonder.

Coffee Tombstone

Visitors
Andrea's friend, Adam is visiting from Seattle and staying with us. He's been here for a week now and we've had a few good conversations. I think Andrea and Adam complement one another quite well.

Kris, her friend Eleanor and Michael came to San Diego yesterday for the Death Cab for Cutie concert. Kris and Eleanor actually had tickets. The venue was outdoors near the harbor behind the convention center. People sat on the lit convention center steps, hung out near the rocks along the harbor and a couple of people rented little boats and were floating in the water near the concert. Michael, Adam and I sat along the harbor to simply listen. However, it got windy and very cold, so we moved over to the convention center steps. I enjoyed listening to the music from afar. I liked staring at the lights because I like light shows. Plus, the volume was perfect for relaxation. We could enjoy the music and still carry on conversations. I had a splendid time.

Throat/Stomach/Esophagus Issues
My throat hurts again today. I think the cold yesterday may have started some kind of sickness chain; however, I will devote the rest of today and tomorrow to hydrating myself to rid myself of sickness. That's the plan. My voice keeps changing because of my throat/stomach/esophagus issues. I feel like a boy going through puberty, except I'm skipping the voice-squeaking phase and jumping right to my voice sounding deeper. Actually, I think I sound raspy. Gross. Anyway, my doctor was supposed to call me today and tell me the results of my Monday barrium exam (which I do want to share about, just not now) but he hasn't called yet. I'm taking it as good news. I figure if it was anything serious, he would have called by now. So there you have it, coffee is not killing me.

Quotes -> Idea.

I went to the San Diego Council on Literacy yesterday because Marianne had to help them with their database. Marianne is the program coordinator for the Literacy Intervention Program. I'm going to be filling in for her until her replacement comes in November. As I was waiting, I read a book, a compilation of quotes from learners and tutors about their experiences. Each section addressed a different aspect of literacy. One section described how illiteracy affected people's health. A mother overmedicated her child because she couldn't read the prescription.
The book helped me realize how much of our daily activities involves reading. We read so much everyday.

In another section, the learners explained why they wanted to learn how to read. Most of the adults wanted to learn for their children. But, one learner said,

I am 72 years old. I want to read the Bible.

I paused after I read the line. I re-read it a few more times. I tried to understand the learner's heart, desire, passion and courage to do something challenging for God's sake. The line challenged me.

Sometimes I dream about starting a non-profit focused on literacy. I think it would be amazing to improve literacy through expression. The learners would learn to write and they would write about what they know best: themselves. They would write narratives or maybe just short sentences or letters about their experiences, dreams and hopes. I get giddy when I imagine reading everything.

---------------------------------------------
I like the following quote:

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
- Charles DuBois

Follow your bliss

It's exciting to think about our church growing and maturing. I remember Kim MSN always encouraging us to run with horses. We've had kingdom-mind/heart-themed retreats for the past three years. I feel that we've been talking about growing for so long. It's exciting to learn practical lessons we can apply to truly be a church as God intended church to be.

Blissful moments:

• discussing blissful moments with Ames, Angie, Jane and Laura.
• singing praise songs with Dan, Ames and Aria.
• Aria busting out with the hand motions to "He's Changing Me".
• heart-to-hearts.
• talking about hope.
• speed scrabble.
• making fun of Sam for creating ridiculous new words. He's so lopey.
• laughing at Friendrew for creating ridiculous new words.
• watching Kristine practice breathing for swimming.
• washing off the pool saltiness in a nice warm shower. Why was the pool so salty?
• Mina being superstitious and flipping out.
• laying in bed listening to Jane describe her exciting dream that involved a theft, mystery and sombrero.
• watching Angie in the bouncy house.
• jumping in the bouncy house.
• taking notes with my new thin brown pen.
• Sunday worship service: As we sang "Did you feel the mountains tremble?", my imagination began to run wild. All the images were so vibrant in technicolor. I imagined the students at the Islamic boarding school in Indonesia singing their hearts out. I saw children in North Korea smiling and laughing. I saw the people at my homestay village in South Africa dancing upon injustice. I was overwhelmed by joy. It was more than bliss.

Open up the doors and let the music play,
Let the streets resound with singing,
Songs that bring Your hope, songs that bring Your joy,
Dancers who dance upon injustice.

So here we go.

I watched Punch-Drunk Love last night. It's the first time I've seen it after watching it at the movie theatre when it came out. I really enjoyed the art and music.

I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.

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I started reading Ezekiel again because not reading it for its depressing subject matter is a stupid excuse. I think I'm finally getting to the hope section of the book. God keeps leaving windows of opportunity open for the Israelites to repent and come back to Him, but they keep rebelling against Him.

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Before Sunrise/Sunset: Okay, it's getting quite ridiculous how obsessed I've become over these two films. I can't wait to get paid, so I can purchase them. The thing is I probably shouldn't purchase them because I need to save up money for our move. Therefore, I'm getting my fix by reading the scripts. I'm so crazy.

If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something. I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really? The answer must be in the attempt.

Weekend Update

• Jane's Wedding: It was beautiful. Jane was glowing and couldn't stop smiling. I caught the bouquet. It's such an odd feeling. I saw the bouquet coming straight at me in slow motion and it just plopped into my hands. I think I heard the 'plop' sound in my head.
• After party: It was just about to get boring when we started playing pictionary. After we ran out of paper, Diana suggested that we play charades. The task: imitate an object in the room. Jane Bang was a perfect electrical socket.
• The Viewing Pt. 1: Ames, Dan and I finally had our viewing of Legends of the Fall. Please don't ask why. That movie is hilarious. Actually, it was hilarious watching the movie with Ames and Dan. I recommend you watch the trailer for the movie if you want a good laugh. It's so dramatic. I can't wait for our viewing part 2.
• Breakfast with Sero: I heart Sero. She asked me if I would consider living in France, which is odd becuse it's one of my dreams (to live in France for a couple of years spending hours at cafes) and I've never mentioned it to her before. Pastor Roy told her that a huge part of the ministry in France is conversing with people. Sero suggested just going to college campuses and talking to students about God, challenging their beliefs and stimulating their minds. That sounds exciting to me.

Overall, I feel incredibly tired because of lack of sleep, but I feel good. I think it's because I've been surrounded by neat people this past weekend. It's fun to connect, reconnect with people.

Weather Changes

The weather is messing me up. Humidity, heat, cold, rain... I woke up yesterday with a sinus headache and felt nauseous the entire day. I couldn't go to sleep until 1 a.m. (which is late for me). I had the recurring dream where I've been ditching my math classes and now I'm completely behind and unprepared for the final. Actually, it was a bit different this time. I had enrolled in two math classes and was trying to juggle the two. I failed miserably and felt stressed the entire dream.

At least it rained. This makes me happy.

Bad/Good

Bad:
I think I may be getting sick. This is coming too early. I usually get sick after retreats, but I really shouldn't even get sick after this Youth Group retreat because I'm not even teaching a seminar or anything. I have my girls for small group. I haven't been to a single meeting. I'm terrible, I know.

Good:
I didn't get good sleep last week. I fell asleep at 7 last night. I woke up at midnight thinking it was morning. I went back to sleep so happy because I realized I had 7 more hours to go. I got 12 hours of sleep. I feel so well rested.

...

I miss playing with Ames and Dan. Hopefully, we can have our movie viewing this Sunday.

...

I was following a case next door at the courthouse. Marianne and I saw some of the testimonies and closing arguments. The guy received the death penalty.

I went to a sentencing today for three of the Mexican Mafia prison gang members.

...

I want to go to the beach.

...

WoW, this post is so boring. I apologize.

A good talk

with Doojin:
It always delights me when Doojin and I hang out every so often. We talk about what we're learning, our worries, our classes, etc. Doojin has become one of those people I can meet anytime and feel comfortable talking about silly fears or my family issues. He took me to Galaxy Hamburger. The place was so neat with pictures of astronauts. The breakfast was yummy and I think I ate more than Doojin (I'm proud to say).

with Diane:
Diane and I were in the same small group a while ago. We ate lunch together and caught up on how we're doing spiritually. Diane always inspires and challenges me. She constantly puts herself in difficult situations to test herself and grow. I admire her heart to become more like Jesus.

with Charlotte:
I'm so happy Charlotte is in town. She looks so Sex-and-the-City fantastic! I simply heart Charlotte. We had a nice passionate talk about global warming. It was quite rejuvenating.

with Michael:
It was a pleasant surprise, a good time of clarification and understanding. I learn a lot from Michael. I am grateful for the lessons to come.

with Andy:
We played ping pong at Paul O.'s house and caught up in each other's lives. Andy and I have a nice encouraging supportive friendship. We're happy when the other is happy, sad when the other is sad. It's nice.

A Day at the D.A.'s

Marianne: I always won the Easter hat contest.
JJ: I always won the Easter dance concert.

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When JJ was younger, his parents and neighbor's parents would make all the kids gather and dance for them. They were always the Jackson 5 and JJ was the youngest, so of course, he was Michael. It cracks me up when I think about little JJ in his white Easter suit and white shoes doing the "I Want You Back" dance. I wish I won dancing contests when I was younger.

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JJ and I were in his office when Marianne walked in giddily holding her ipod and said, "Grace, remember what we were going to have JJ do?" I didn't remember. JJ and I just stared at one another. Marianne finally found her song. She held her earphones up so that we could hear the oh-so-familiar opening of " I Want You Back". Marianne and I both smiled at JJ. He knew what we wanted.

JJ stood up, moved over to the 2.5 feet of open space in his office and stepped perfectly to the Jackson 5 choreography. It was ... awesome.

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Marianne: Hey, Grace. Look at me.
(I look over and see that Marianne has put her earphones on her eyes. She's squinting really hard to keep them in place.)
Marianne: My eyes are playing music.
(Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" is blaring from Marianne's eyes.)

Studying Stones

There's never been an endeavor so strange
As trying to slow the blood in my veins
To keep my face blank
As a stone that just sank

I like small, smooth, grey stones from the beach that perfectly fit into my hand.

Teach myself to see each of us
Through the lens of forgiveness

It's an Ani Difranco day.

Song of the day/past few months for me: Lag Time. I'm too slow. Must fix quickly.

Interesting read(s)

The New York Times Op-Ed article: "He Who Cast The First Stone Probably Didn't". It made me think. He discusses pain and the idea of retaliation, revenge, etc. He wrote that "we usually give more pain than we have received", which I think is true. Here is an excerpt:

Research teaches us that our reasons and our pains are more palpable, more obvious and real, than are the reasons and pains of others. This leads to the escalation of mutual harm, to the illusion that others are solely responsible for it and to the belief that our actions are justifiable responses to theirs.
None of this is to deny the roles that hatred, intolerance, avarice and deceit play in human conflict. It is simply to say that basic principles of human psychology are important ingredients in this miserable stew.

I think I want to read his book.

Oh, and try to search for the article this woman wrote about how Shamu saved her marriage.

Oh, and there's also an article in the Times about finding the best taco in California. King Taco is mentioned.

I wish I worked for The New York Times and wrote brilliant articles.

Nice

Beer delivery guy on the street makes eye contact with me, smiles
I smile
(Smiles are so nice)
Beer delivery guy: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Beery delivery guy: You look very nice.
Me (surprised): Thank you.

A simple compliment. It wasn't sarcastic or sleazy. It was sweet and genuine. I started thinking about all the little things that make me smile. I haven't thought about my list in quite some time. I encourage you to think about your list.

Let's all do/say something nice for someone today, preferrably a stranger. Perhaps a simple smile will do. I think it will be nice.

Recently...

Visited:

• Portland, Oregon: loved it! It's so green and they have recycling bins everywhere. Plus, there are so many roses and they all smell so wonderful.
• MOCA, San Diego Downtown: enjoyed the Tijuana exhibit. It inspired me to start a craft project. I called my mama and asked for my Craypas set of oil pastel crayons. She thought I was crazy.

Saw:

• Born Into Brothels: sad, beautiful, inspiring. I want to take pictures.
• Pirates II: mindless gluttonous fun.
• The King: well-made. I felt nervous the entire time. About what? I don't know. I'm not sure if it was meant to be so suspenseful, but it was for me.
• Before Sunrise: all dialogue set in real time. It's my dream come true: meeting a stranger in some foreign country and discussing anything from spider webs to pet peeves to fears to joys. It's interesting to watch the beginning of a relationship.
• Before Sunset: sequel to Before Sunrise. all dialogue again set in real time. I have a feeling these two movies are my next big purchases.

Thought about:

• Connect-the-Dots coloring pages: I enjoyed connect-the-dots coloring pages. Although the page was initially filled with a bunch of seemingly arbitrarily placed dots, the dots became a part of a picture that made sense once I drew the lines. I was attracted to the idea of making sense out of something that didn't seem to make any sense at all. I mostly feel like I'm staring at a bunch of dots when I reflect on my life, people, the world. After watching the two Before films, I began thinking about people in my life and connections. Getting to know someone is exhilarating. I absolutely enjoy it - discovering new ideas, thought processes, perspectives. As we throw out all our thoughts onto a huge blank wall, I imagine all the thoughts coming together, forming dots, vertical, horizontal and mostly diagonal lines. This entity becomes a vibrantly colorful abstract connect-the-dots composition.

It is well

with my soul.

We studied Job in Bible Study yesterday. I want to be able to say "It is well..." in all circumstances. I think that only happens when I stop focusing on myself or asking God "why?" and start considering who God is. Once I start thinking about God's mercy, grace, love, magnanimity, I and the question "why?" become so trivial. I'm so grateful that God is always the same. I'm so grateful that I can hope in Him.

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My high school senior english teacher made us write letters to our future selves in five years. I had my letter addressed to Sue's house because I wasn't sure where I'd be at age 23. Sue and I got together Saturday, had lunch and read our letters. Most of my letter was pretty silly and I could tell that I really didn't want to write the letter. I basically went through Mrs. Williams' guidelines and answered all the questions in an outline form.

It's interesting to notice what I expected of myself: hopefully you are single (check. It's funny because Sue wrote that she hoped she was married.), have a job or at least an internship (check), live in New York (hopefully in the near future). I was pleasantly surprised to read the advice I gave myself five years ago. Its relevancy shocked me. Well, I suppose the advice could relate to my life at any stage:
Stay focused! Smile. Have a consistent walk with God. Be humble and don't be afraid to love. If you haven't accomplished everything you thought you would, it's okay as long as you're happy.

After our fabulous lunch and trip down Memory Ln., I decided to visit the Steiner's. It had been way too long since I saw Sue's family. I drove by the lake and remembered our crew days. I loved rowing out to the middle of the lake. I would just sit and daydream. I drove through Main St., our little downtown in Lake Elsinore. I remembered our visits to the City Council meetings. We had to shadow a city council member for a day and I remember we discussed what we should do about development and Mom-and-Pop stores. I had no idea that Lake Elsinore would soon become just like any other suburbia. It saddens me. I also drove by my old houses... moments I'd like to forget flashed across my mind. I passed by Machado Park and remembered I took tennis lessons for a few weeks when I was 7. That's so weird - me playing tennis.

Okay, back to the Steiner household. It was nice to see everyone. Reed and Neil (two of Sue's three younger brothers) are so big. Will Park (was in ASB, one of the few Korean kids at my school) came over and we chatted for a little bit. It's always so warm and comfortable at Sue's place.

We were both so dissatisfied with our letters that we decided to write another letter to our future selves. We'll be 28 when we open them. That seems so far away, but I know it'll smack me in the face so soon. I wrote more about how I felt now so I could remember at 28. I think I made a short to-do list for the next five years. Oh and this time, I wrote about all the people in my life and what I predict for them. That was quite fun.

As I left Sue's place, I felt so full... just happily and refreshingly full.

A simple question

Doctor's office receptionist: Are you the subscriber of your insurance?
Me: Sorry?
Doctor's office receptionist: Is your husband the primary subscriber?

I choke.
On air.

Grace's Sports Day?

It's that time of the year ...
when sickness strikes.

I felt pretty crummy over the weekend. I slept. And slept. And slept some more. I feel much better today - pretty much completely well. Sunday was quite a lazy day. I woke up, took a shower, decided I was too dizzy to go to church, went back to sleep and woke up again completely disoriented because I thought it was Monday.

I woke up (the second time) just in time for the Brazil v. Australia soccer game. Brazil was amazing! They're so fun to watch. I've pretty much been swept into the whirlpool of the World Cup craze. I watched the Korea v. France game next. It wasn't as exciting after watching brilliant Brazil, but I still enjoyed it. I watched the game with Mon via telephone.

I somehow got sucked into watching the U.S. Open golf tournament. I caught the end of it and found it quite captivating.

Soon after that ended, I watched game 5 of the NBA Finals. Wow! What an exciting game! My mommy was even getting into it towards the end. She couldn't watch the end because she said she was too nervous.

Happy Flag Day

Things I learned from doing research about Flag Day:

• Flag Etiquette: There is no greater insult than to fly a flag upside down.
• Flag designs do change, and care must be taken to ensure that the flag you fly is correct and current. The most comprehensive source for this information is The Flag Research Center, Winchester, Massachusetts.
• When the flags of two or more nations are flown together, each flag should be displayed from a separate pole of the same height, and each flag should be the same size. In time of peace, international custom forbids the display of the flag of one nation above that of another nation. Flying the flags of two nations on the same pole is a sign of war-time victory. It will be interpreted as a serious insult. An alternative to an outdoor flag display, where flagpoles are limited, is to post the flags in your reception area and/or conference room.

When I was a child, I used to go through my encyclopedias for fun. The "F" encyclopedia was always quite fun because of all the flags. I tried to memorize all the flags, but my brain couldn't handle it.

Happy Birthday Ames.

Imaginary Reality

I've been contemplating a few issues of mine for the past couple of months. I found self-reflectiveness quite refreshing, yet disgusting as time and perspective magnified my fualts and mistakes. I also realized that self reflection can often lead to egotistical and selfish thoughts.

Thinking leads to writing. So far, I have a couple of typed pages, four napkins and two receipts with random notes that only make sense in my mind. It has been both fun and overwhelming transcribing the make-believe world in my mind to actual dialogue, scenes and characters. The most intriguing part of this entire process has been the blurring lines between reality and fiction. I try to stick to fiction, but I can't help but write about what I know best, which is my life and my perspective. However, my faulty memory fails to be an accurate account. Therefore, what I think is/was reality may not be at all. Contemplating this boggles my mind because then I wonder whether I truly remember anything at all. I suppose even the events, people, conversations I remember inevitably go through pasteurization in my mind. After some time, I tend to begin idealizing everything in the past. The people who once hurt me turn into heroes. I kill all the negative and harmful thoughts.

It's hard to tell whether my stories are even my own or the ones I made up in my idealistic mind.

JuJu Quote of the Day

I will go through life not knowing names, but I will know their spirit.
- JJ defending himself when I said he was ridiculous for not knowing the name of a woman he claims has a crush on him.

JJ is my supervisor. I call him JuJu at times because the spell check on outlook always tries to change his name to JuJu.

By the way, here's the definition for juju according to dictionary.com in case you're curious:
ju·ju n.
An object used as a fetish, a charm, or an amulet in West Africa.
The supernatural power ascribed to such an object.
A style of Nigerian popular music featuring electric guitars and traditional drums.

I want to love.

I feel overwhelmed when I think about the world and its unfathomable number of inhabitants, the unknown lands, abyssal waters, the diversity of life in rainforests, the complexity of oppression, poverty, disease, and politics. Once I begin thinking about one issue, my mind transforms into a chaotic web of ideas and emotions as one thought exponentially expands in every direction beyond my realm. I get stuck in the middle as the web seems to grow thicker. I can’t catch up. I eventually give up; I stand frozen and helpless.

I dream of a poverty-free and peace-loving world, but reality traps me in this web.

I was a child with countless thoughts roaming around in my little head with a mind that soon began to outgrow its physical containment. I was intrigued by the world. I lived in wonder and curiosity. As I began to read and live in books, my thirst for answers only became more desperate. How could I live in such freedom while a child my age in Africa would struggle everyday to find enough firewood to sell for food? How could there be hunger in this world when there were kids in my cafeteria throwing away trays of food because it was cardboard pizza day? The world made no sense to me. It still makes no sense to me. I am bewildered and baffled. I am enchanted by the world’s hidden beauty and mystery. As a child, I was disturbed to see such ugliness in the world, but I believed it had to possess goodness and beauty as well. I wanted to discover the world, fall in love with it.

I fell in love.

South Africa was a perfect microcosm of my view of the world as a child. As I traversed the beautiful desert plains, my love affair with the world grew larger than my soul could contain. The children in Africa I imagined as a child all became a true, sad and beautiful reality. I experienced the beauty of hope and redemption speaking with the HIV patients at a village hospital, hearing the stories of raped women, and listening to old men reflect upon the country’s history and politics outside the convenient store porch. I realized that in a seemingly despondent and hopeless place, hope lies in the people.

I am in love.

Words, words, words

A book begins as a private excitement of the mind...
- E.L. Doctorow

Pardon me while I burst...

A decade ago, I never thought I would be at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion. Woe-is-me.

I'm scared of lighting matches. The sound of the ignited match, the flame's sudden growth and its close proximity to my fingers all scare me. The flame always seems to devour the match so quickly.

Shuffle

I usually end up skipping a few songs when I put music on shuffle, but I had a good run this morning without a single skip:

1. They Say (feat. Kanye West, John Legend) - Common
2. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World
3. A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie
4. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
5. The Shining - Badly Drawn Boy
6. Warning Sign - Coldplay
7. Everything's Not Lost - Coldplay

and then I was off to meetings.

Visual Stimulation

I've watched several movies, plays and documentaries the past couple of weeks (and went to a concert). I recommend the following:

• Afghanistan Unveiled: a documentary about Afghan women by Afghan women journalists. It was heart-breaking and enlightening.
• The Sort of Happy Ending to the Sad Sad Tale of Mr. Ali Ali, Or: The Lighter Side of Outsourcing Torture: A play by Craig Abernethy based on the practices of extraordinary rendition, which is "an American extra-judicial procedure which involves the sending of criminal suspects, generally suspected terrorists or alleged supporters of groups which the US Government considers to be terrorist organizations, to countries other than the United States for imprisonment and interrogation" (Wikipedia).
• Tsotsi: A South African movie about a gang member who hijacks a car one night and later discovers a baby in the back seat. He crudely takes care of the baby and we slowly see his transformation. Set against the backdrop of poverty and AIDS, this movie was a beautiful story of redemption. The townships were amazingly shot - very impressionistic. I want to go back...
• A Special Day: A 1977 film by Ettore Scola featuring Sophia Loren and Marcello Mastroianni. Great acting, a simple story, brilliant work with the camera and sounds. The movie was intriguing and alluring.
• G. Love and Special Sauce concert: Thanks Ames. It was uber rad and so fun. We somehow ended up in the front row, which was a bit intimidating. The special sauce was quite special and G. Love, well... that guy plays a mean harmonica. I enjoyed every minute!

Well, I think that wraps up the entertainment report. Maybe I'll write something of more substance later on... 'til then..

Looking for something to open my eyes

Housewarming/Potluck/DOB Shindy

Last week was a fun bonding-with-Andrea week. We made crafts every night, shopped for groceries and had nice talks. We have fun things in common. I'm so glad we both like ugly things.
Saturday:
Andrea and I woke up early and hit the thrift store circuit to find ourselves some frames, dishes, a crockpot thingie (for her bread) and a punch bowl. We figured it was cheaper to buy dishes than paper plates. We found a set at a garage sale for $5!

Once we finished our shopping, the cooking began. I can't believe we cooked everything we did in our tiny kitchen using one oven. The kitchen use planning paid off. We had a good system of cooking and doing dishes to free up space. Andrea and I had so much fun in the kitchen. She loves to bake, so she's a whiz in the kitchen. I, on the other hand, mess up rice. So, I was quite nervous about making lasagna. I heard it's hard to mess up lasagna, but I had confidence that I would find a way to ruin it.

After about 3 hours of prep work of cutting, roasting, grating and mixing the cheese, etc. the lasagna finally made it into the oven. I started helping Andrea peel apples for her amazing apple pie. It truly turned out AMAZING. For those of you who couldn't come, you must come visit and beg Andrea to make you apple pie. Right around 4:30, a wave of tiredness crashed into me and I sat on the couch for a few minutes. I was supposed to be washing our dishes we bought in the morning. I wished we had bought paper plates. However, I caught a second wind and went back to work. Plus, Johny came and was a wonderful helper. The Johny Jungle Juice was spectacular. I still had to make Grace Guacamole. I made it really fast and called it a good day in the kitchen.

Fun moments of the evening:

• my worlds colliding. A bit awkward at times, but still fun.
• people enjoying lasagna. I was so relieved and happy that people liked it.
• Simpsons Clue. Andrea and I want to play all the time now. Anyone want to come over?
• Andrea's random friends (she met while apartment hunting) coming in with their instruments and playing in our living room. The fiddler was uber rad!
• watching people draw on our coffee table. We asked our guests to draw elephants with their eyes closed. It was fun watching Andy draw an elephant with its eyes closed too.
• doing dishes with Dan and watching him imitate the Survivors of Torture logo. You gotta see it; ask him to show you.
• watching the continuous flow of people in our home. I was continuously pleasantly surprised.

Thank you everyone who came! The home felt so warm, even after everyone left. Andrea and I sat in the dark living room after we finished cleaning and soaked in the warmth of all our guests. Our home really feels like a home now.

On this day...

Robert Koch announced the discovery of the bacterium that causes tuberculosis in 1882. Today is World Tuberculosis Day.

Queen Elizabeth I died in 1602. I wish I could have been friends with Elizabeth.

In 1980, Nightline debuted. Although Ted Koppel irritates me at times, I like this show.

Also on this day, the tanker Exxon Valdez spilled more than 11 million gallons of oil in Prince William Sound, Alaska in 1989. What an evironmental mess!

In 1999, NATO bombed Yugoslavia.

Laugh

Andrea and I went to the San Diego Latino Film Festival last night. We watched Viva Cuba, a movie about Malu, a young girl who runs away from her home with Jorgito, her friend because her mother plans to leave Fidel Castro's Cuba. They both have a crush on one another, but they always fight. The movie was a delight. I really liked it visually as well because of all the wide shots. There were a few surreal sequences and overall, the composition of each shot was beautiful. I enjoyed watching the dynamics between the little girl and boy. Their relationship was so funny and cute. The movie was a perfect light-hearted movie that made us laugh. We both needed to laugh. It was nice to laugh.

If we hug each other hard enough, no one will be able to separate us.

Pleasant Evening and Morning

I came home around 4:30, cleaned, organized and went out for a walk. I really like the area where I live. The small streets are peppered with small bookstores, thrift stores and restaurants. I'm looking forward to exploring San Diego. I live near Balboa Park where they have so many museums in one place! I think they have at least 10. Every Tuesday is free museum day. I believe the Museum of Photographic Arts is free today. I might go check it out today after work.

After I came back from my walk, I sat in the yellow chair in our living room for a while. I invite everyone to drop by and sit in this yellow chair; I guarantee it will make you smile.

I put on some jazz as I prepared dinner and the jazz continued throughout the evening and this morning. There's nothing like listening to John Coltrane's In A Sentimental Mood while eating dinner and reading. I ended the night with some Miles Davis.

I started this morning with Charlie Parker and Ella Fitzgerald. I woke up earlier than I should have so I began the day with some prayer, had an extra cup of tea and read a little bit of God's Word in the one spot where the sunlight warms the room. Jeremiah is getting really interesting. It's scary to read about God's wrath and anger, but it's a good reality check and puts things in perspective.

At around 7:35 a.m., I walked outside and waited for JJ and Marianne to come by and pick me up for work. As I watched other cars drive by, I remembered being in Indonesia and praying for everyone who drove by and the people we drove by. Those prayers felt so necessary because we weren't sure when or how they would ever hear the gospel. I wondered why I didn't feel that sense of urgency here in the States. So I began to pray. Five minutes passed when JJ drove up, stopped the car and drove forward as I reached for the door handle. He thought he was pretty funny for a good 10 minutes after I got in the car.

Now I'm at work where I should be working because we have quite a few meetings today, but I wanted to think about the pleasant evening and morning. I smile.

Reprieved

To find some beautiful place to get lost

I can't stop listening to Elliott Smith. So sad and soothing. I like...

On repeat:

• Last Hour
• Can't Make A Sound
• Let's Get Lost
• Trouble
• A Passing Feeling
• Stupidity Tries
• A Distorted Reality Is Now A Necessity To Be Free
• Bye
• Easy Way Out
• Coast To Coast
• Single File
• The Biggest Lie
• Thirteen
• Everything Means Nothing To Me

why should you want any other, when you're a world within a world?

Exhausted

.

...

Today is

International Women's Day.

Facts (from World Vision)

1. It is estimated that 2 million children—mostly girls—are enslaved in the global sex trade.
2. Between 60 and 100 million women who should be alive today are “missing” as a result of violence associated with gender discrimination.
3. Globally, one woman dies every minute due to problems related to pregnancy.
4. Ninety-nine percent of these deaths are in the developing world.
5. Women earn only 10 percent of the world’s income, yet they work two out of three of all labor hours worldwide.
6. More than 2.5 million children are at risk each year of contracting HIV from their mothers, even though preventative interventions are inexpensive.
7. Every year, an estimated 10,000 girls from Myanmar are recruited (many forcibly) to work in Thai brothels.

To do something about it, check out the World Vision website.

In Memory of ... Vaginas ... and Explosions

I like to read obituaries. I got into it when my first assignment in news reporting was to write obits. I think I like to read them as a way of not forgetting the deceased person existed.

There's something beautifully tragic about reading about a person's life after he/she has died. Did the deceased person know that people admired him/her so? Did the deceased person take time to really appreciate his/her accomplishments? Or was the person too busy trying to fulfill new goals never realizing what he/she had already accomplished?

It's a bit odd to read about someone I never knew and admire his/her accomplishments. I'm always left in awe as I read about their lives. I wonder what my own obituary will say after I die. Will I even have an obituary?

I hope my life reflects love rather than accomplishments. I truly do hope... It's not a very fun read though, but oh well.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I watched Beverly perform in the Vagina Monologues last Saturday. It was... interesting and enlightening.

Quote of the day: I'm counting on you vaginas to look out for other vaginas! - Beverly rebuking Marianne and me after not inviting her to a meeting and blaming it on JJ.
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I feel like an empty shell. A torn up left-over empty shell after the bomb has exploded.

32 flavors

Squint your eyes and look closer
I’m not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I’m beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you’re going to get hungry
And eat most of the words you just said

My head weighs a gazillion pounds

Sneeze = earthquake in my head. Ouch.

JJ said I could stay home tomorrow. I'm so lame. This will be my second sick day within the first month I've worked here. I would never hire me. I need to work on building up my immune system. Any suggestions?

If I wake up tomorrow and I'm sick, I swear I'm going to kill you.
- my co-worker Marianne

Dick

“I'm the guy who pulled the trigger and shot my friend.”

G.Love

I want to ride around town on a bike or skip in a park listening to "Love" by G.Love and Special Sauce (not because it's Valentine's Day, but because the song simply makes me want to ride a bike or skip). The fact that the next song on the album is "Booty Call" sometimes ruins the mood for me though.

We Just Continue To Drive

And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There's no stopping curiosity

I listened to the Curious George soundtrack (twice) on the way to work today and it made me so happy. I think I was smiling the entire drive. I enjoy all the songs; they make me feel nice, warm and fuzzy inside. My imagination runs wild in vibrant colors. Jack Johnson sings about changing the world, sharing and other happy things. He even has a song about the 3R's!!! (Reduce, Reuse, Recycle of course you silly goose!)

...
maybe you been lookin' too or maybe you don't even need to try
...

Office Space

My stapler hates me. I hate my stapler. I've accepted the terms of our relationship.

I attended a case management meeting today. It was a bit ineffecient and you all know how I feel about inefficient meetings. However, a prison Assistant Warden totally blew me away today. He expressed the need to change prison culture and really encourage the inmates because with positive reinforcement, we can really change lives. He truly loves the inmates so much and has hope in them. Oh man, it was so hard not to cry. I was tearing up like crazy, but I tried my hardest to hold it all in.

It's neat going to these meetings because they're all about thinking outside the box. The point is to think idealistically and really implement only the BEST programs. I love to think idealistically and so many times I feel that I can't express all the crazy stuff I think of because it's all so Utopian. However, these meetings give me a chance to go crazy and express everything. The even crazier thing is that all these idealistic dreams and goals are possible with this program. I'm so jazzed. I am once again so encouraged by the altruistic dedication and hope of these people. I love the philanthropic vibes!

I talked to JJ after the meeting about the ineffectiveness of it. I suggested a few things and now I get to lead a brainstorming session, plus make a powerpoint for the next meeting next week. My two favorite things: brainstorming and powerpoint. Plus, I'm going to get a 3-hole punch. Oh, the simple pleasures of office life. By the way, I love the supply room. It's office supply heaven. I heart office supplies.

i heart my job.

I really do. The people here are fantastic; I feel good about the work I'm doing. I truly just feel so blessed. To begin, my supervisors are so fun. JJ is the public affairs officer for Bonnie (the D.A.) and my main supervisor. He calls me his little sister and takes care of me. I seriously never open a door; it feels odd always walking into places first. I think I like to follow and be behind people. JJ is down-to-earth, cares about people and wants to change the world.

Then, there's Beverly. The banter between JJ and Beverly is pure comedy. Beverly is older, quicker and outspoken. She cracks me up. JJ always it's his job to make sure I don't spend too much time with Beverly because I'll get in trouble. Beverly is probably in her early 50's(?); she has a grandchild. But, she's the most active woman I know. She works out during her lunch break, wants to buy a motorcycle, drives around in a convertible, is performing in the Vagina Monologues, hosts book clubs, wants to get a tattoo and... well, she does a whole bunch of other stuff too. JJ and Beverly are both so fun to work with. They say I have an old soul because I say things like "neat", "oh dear", and "okie dokie". I try to stop myself, but it just slips out.

I'm learning more and more about prison reentry and getting excited about this project. The kick-off date is July 1, so we have lots to do before then. The main point is to reduce recidivism rate. We want to cut the bureaucracy and ineffectiveness of prison systems right now. I often thought it would be neat to change the system from within; I actually have the opportunity to do that now. It's a bit scary at times because of the responsibilities and they're all depending on me to help things along. I'm slowly getting to know people from all different fields: law enforcement, mental health, drug counseling, etc. I met Carmen, a pastor who has a ministry that focuses on women prisoner reentry. She was so charismatic and passionate. Her enthusiasm was contagious and she just loves God so much. Carmen, JJ and I prayed together after our little meeting. It was uber rad.

Overall, I'm having a splendid time. It's difficult waking up in the morning, but it's not that bad since I go to bed so early. I start off my day with a prayer every morning and I think that's what helps me through my day. In my tiredness in the morning, I realize that there's no way I can get through the day unless I'm with God. It's a comforting dependence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, so I was thinking about teleportation again. I mean, how can I not with this crazy commute everyday??? I'm sad to report that I find another drawback to teleportation. No, not the one that involves the fly. I was thinking that if teleportation was possible, more criminals could get away. For example, someone would steal something and then just disappear. There would be no way to trace or track their whereabouts. So yeah, I have to think of a way to deal with this issue.

We're trying to change the world here.

Just Say "No"

Apparently, that doesn't work for most people because of the way our brains are wired. I went to a drug court seminar on psychopharmacology. The doctor was from South Carolina and had this crazy white hair and slight accent. He sort of reminded me of Mark Twain. Anywho, the seminar was quite an eye-opening experience. Drugs are scary.

Did you know...

• that addiction is basically a brain disease and mainly passed down through genetics?
• women are more quickly addicted to something?
• the most addicting drug is caffeine? (It only takes 24 hours for someone to get addicted. Hmmmm.)
• alcohol is a factor in 33% of all rapes and sexual assaults?
• no one ever FULLY recovers?
• smoking doubles the dosage of other drugs; such as, heroin, cocaine, alcohol?
• several of the drugs out there now (i.e. heroin) were introduced into society by the government?
• ecstacy causes permanent brain damage? Those brain cells/receptors are NEVER restored. One can basically end up with insomnia and depression the rest of their lives.
• drugs can leave the body relatively quickly; however, it takes anywhere from 2 to 10 years to leave the brain?

Another interesting tidbit:

• The new transitional age into adulthood is now 28-30. (It used to be 18-20)

So, week 1 is coming to a close. I basically attended a lot of meetings and heard a lot of "good to meet you"s (I think that's a political thing). The people here are absolutely fantastic; I'm quite excited for this year. I'm gradually learning about the reentry project. I am a ginormous sponge soaking everything in.

This week has been so full and I don't exactly know how I feel, but I think this is going to be an interesting year. I'm already learning so much; I heart learning.

By the way, I'm moving to San Diego. I'm 99% sure. I just can't do this go to sleep at 9, wake up at 4:50 madness. I'm not tired really because I'm getting so much sleep, but I need some time to recharge. I feel a bit drained today.

We all have one [a brain]; not everyone engages their's.
- Dr. Robinson (Correctional Counseling)

I should update (?)

Hmmm... I want to update in a well composed narrative, but I'm a bit tired because today was my first day. Therefore, I'm going to update in random bullet points.

• My first day at the D.A.'s office was nice. I shook so many hands. Luckily, my hands weren't too cold today. I'm still feel a bit apprehensive about working for "the man"; I keep reminding myself that the prison reentry program is worth the effort and for the people. Either way, I kept catching myself being quite critical during a meeting today.
• I still sound like a bullfrog.
• Utah: Mormon-land. I met many interesting people at orientation. It's always encouraging to be surrounded by people who are so well-read, well-traveled and uber enthusiastic about saving the world. The goal of Americorps is to eradicate poverty in the States, so it was neat hearing about all the different projects across the country.
  
• My roomie Andrea was amazing. She majored in photography, studied in South Africa for a year and makes little notebooks with scratch paper (just like me!!). So we connected. :) I also made another new friend, Amanda. She's inspiring and absolutely amazing. Her spirituality encouraged me so.
  
• The Sundance Film Festival was going on. I was so lucky. We were going to watch a Korean movie, but it was sold out. Plus, we discovered Slamdance happening on the next street. It's an independent-independent film festival. We watched The Empire of Africa, a documentary about civil war in Sierra Leone. It was traumatic, violent, disturbing and informational. Park City was so quaint and pretty covered in colorful lights and snow. We walked into a couple of small art galleries, then went to a coffee shop and hung out.
• We took a walk the last night and passed by a capoeira studio. We slowed down and peeked inside, the people motioned us to come inside, so we did. They were about to start a samba class and invited us to join. So I learned how to samba in Utah. Plus, we learned a couple of African dances as well. We got to use sticks; it was exciting.
  
• Some stories I can hear over and over again and never get tired; other stories I can't bear to hear one more time because they drain me so.
• I need to start a good book.
  
• I heart Senator Barack Obama.
• I'm going to take a bath.
  

Just curious

I like the sky at dawn and dusk... different shades of blue, grey, orange.

What's your favorite kind of sky?

2 points for Mansoo

Mansoo: How was Minnesota?
Grace: Oh, it was wonderful. I ate sooooo much. I gained 7 pounds in like 5 days.
Mansoo: (pause)
Mansoo: literally?
Grace: (embarrassed) Yes. Literally.

---------------------------------

Mansoo walks into my (Heidi's) room and looks at me in a bewildered way
Mansoo: Your make-up looks weird.
Grace: (confused) Huh? (I just took a shower and washed my face)
Mansoo: Oh, you have bags under your eyes.
Grace: Yeah, I'm tired. Thanks for rubbing it in jerk! Get out of here!

---------------------------------

I'm going to miss the Mansoo episodes...

Back to reality

(that Eminem song is stuck in my head. Quite odd.)

I feel quite refreshed and happy from my Minnesota trip. I'm now at work trying to get back into the groove of things. I received my welcome packet for Americorps. I'm pretty jazzed about going to Utah next week for orientation. ;)

The wedding was the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to. Megs was stunningly beautiful and everything was just perfect. It was a day filled with worship and love. I felt nice, warm and fuzzy inside. After the wedding, a few of Megs' friends took me to the Mall of America. It's ginormous and quite overwhelming. Bridget (one of the bridesmaids, Megs' junior high/high school friend) and I went on a roller-coaster. I was a bit nervous at first, but it ended up being quite fun as we held hands and screamed like little school girls.

I spent a lot of time with Brandon (Meghan's husband) and Meghan's families, especially Meghan's side. It was so fun listening to stories and laughing at jokes. I always wished I was a part of a big family and envied those who had family gatherings; I feel that I had the chance to taste a little bit of it at the O'Neil's. I realized that I do have quite a family here: I have a big brother who teases me all the time and puts up with me, a big sister who will cry with me, a little sister who will also cry with me, a little brother who leaves me little happy notes on my car... wow, the list could go on for quite a while. The main point: I am blessed and my life is quite filled with love, overflowing even. So I thank you.

-----------------------------
I discovered something quite disturbing. Megs explained the origin of the unity candle to me and it made me so sad.

So, according to Wikipedia:
Though commonly attributed to the Christian faith, it [the unity candle] is not Christian and is in fact prohibited in many churches. It's origin is fairly recent (between 2 - 3 decades) and is non-denominational. Some sources date it back to the wedding of Luke and Laura on the soap opera "General Hospital."