My Unruly Hair

It was pretty windy the other day, which means my hair begins to take on a life of its own... Thus, came the inspiration for The Hair Series:

Two Tuesday Thoughts

• Anthony Minghella died. I liked The Talented Mr. Ripley. But more than that, he impressed me with his direction of Puccini's Madame Butterfly in London. I was lucky enough to see this production in 2005. I sat... actually, I stood in this corner in the last "row" of the theatre because tickets were so expensive and that's the ticket I could afford. . It was basically the farthest spot from the stage, but it didn't really matter to me because I really wanted to see it. The opera moved me so; it was absolutely breathtaking.
• I heart Obama. If you didn't get a chance to watch/read/hear his speech today, please do so.

Question: How do you relieve stress?
Darren (Mon's boy BFF): I have to run. It's like an addiction.
Me: I think I feel happier after pilates or yoga.
Mon: I find that HD Television does it for me.

Reunion Weekend

Reunion #1:
Mama Liu and I visited the Yu household Friday night. They're apparently distant relatives. We used to live across the street when I was in elementary school. The grandchildren and I were friends and played together, although they called me aunt because my father called their grandfather older brother. Anywho, I hadn't seen them since I was in high school so it was nice to see them. They were happy that I worked for the government and said I should stay there forever. We talked about politics; I informed them that Obama was not Muslim or a terrorist because his middle name is Hussein. They said I was a communist. It was a fun conversation. Then, it got uncomfortable because the following happened:

Adult 1: So, you should be getting married soon.
Me: (awkwardly smile) No, I'm too young.
Adult 2: You need to find someone rich. That's all that matters. You need to get married because your mom has suffered too much.
Adult 3: Yeah, you have to get married to make your mom happy.
Adult 1: Just find someone who is capable of taking care of you.
Adult 2: No, money's all that matters.
Adult 3: Just find someone at work. I'm sure there are lots of good men at your work. Yeah, just snatch one of them. You know, you have to plan it out. You can't just wait for men to come to you. You have to go hunting. (He actually said the word "hunting". I think I cringed.)
(variation of the above comments were repeated. Meanwhile, I'm trying to be polite. I don't say anything. I'm pretty sure my awkward smile has disappeared.
...
Then, I finally explode.)
Me: I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED.

Luckily, one of the adults started laughing and joked around that I should then find someone for his daughters. I glanced over at my mom and she looked sad. I felt bad for her. I wish I could have been a good daughter in that moment and just played along although I was so disgusted inside.

Reunion #2/Lake Elsinore Moment of the Weekend:
On my way to meet Mon for breakfast, this car next to me starts honking. I look over and it's Gil, whom I have also not seen since high school. I guess that's the city's charm. You never know who you'll run into.

Gil and I used to work together at the perfume store. I remember I enjoyed our closing times the best. We would turn the music up, dance, windex the glass counters and talk about what was going on in our lives. To see him again was a wonderful serendipitous moment.

Reunion #3:
Mon and I went over to Natasha’s St. Patrick’s Day party Saturday night since we were in the area. Natasha was one of our high school friends. She was always a fun, sassy and outgoing party girl. She never had any problems telling people off with a simple “uh-no”. She still is that exuberant girl. It was amazing and kind of comforting to see how she was exactly the same. Her rambunctious laugh is so contagious. It was nice to meet up with her and see that she’s happy.

---
It’s interesting reconnecting with people from the past. It can conjure up insecurities, memories, an old self.

An Odd Awakening

I woke up this morning with this strange feeling and overpowering thought: Things aren't going to be the same; I'm different.

Yeah, it sounds weird and I didn't quite understand it. I didn't know whether that was a good or bad thing. Anyway, that was the first thought that crossed my mind this morning and I believed it to be true and real as the sound of my alarm. I couldn't quite understand why I believed that statement to be true; I just did and couldn't help it. I went to work and walked into JJ's office. Before I even said a word, he said, "There's something different about you." I was shocked, but not really. At this point, JJ's super intuitive powers are expressed to me nearly every other day. So I asked him how I was different because I was curious and didn't have an explanation myself. He couldn't quite explain it either. I told him about my feeling/thought this morning and he said he believes I'm on the cusp of discovering something. "I think you're closer to where you want to be than you think you are," he said. That was nice to hear.

It's a mystery, but an exciting and fun one. It's been a pleasantly odd day.

***
I haven't realized until recently that I've been a "yes" person for most of my life. I often take on more than I can handle, then finally break down and get sick. It's been a pattern in my life, but I never bothered to do anything about it because I got used to it.

Recently, I was pretty stressed out at work and my superiors had a meeting about me with me in the room. Yeah, it was awkward. They talked about me as if I wasn't even there. "I feel like I'm playing tug-of-war with you for Grace's time." "Grace doesn't say 'no', so it's hard to tell when she's overworked." "I'm constantly trying to take stuff away from Grace because I know she takes on too much." It was strange to listen to everyone talk about me and I thought to myself, "Geez, what a submissive and spineless girl this Grace is. Why is she making everyone worry about her?" The conclusion/resolution of the discussion: I need to say "no" more often. The thing is I didn't realize I was taking on too much and that's the problem. JJ is constantly having to look out for me, but when am I ever going to have another boss like JJ? So, this is something I need to fix. I've already started practicing my new healthy way of working by saying "no" to two people today. I felt a little guilty, but mainly relieved. I feel thankful that my bosses are constantly taking care of me, but I realize I need to stand up for myself more. Plus, it must be tiring for my bosses to have to constantly protect and fight for me. The dynamics have already changed within the last week and it's good.

The Red Balloon

I remember really enjoying this short movie when I was a child. Every time I see a red balloon, I can't help but smile.

Feelings/Good

“You’re emotionally retarded,” Johny says.

I think it’s true. I know very well what I think. I have opinions, thoughts and can express them. Knowing, acknowledging and expressing what I feel is a bit trickier. Most of the time, people around me are telling me how I feel and I appreciate them for that, but I wonder how much is really true. I believe most of it is true, but as I’m delving deeper into my own thoughts and emotions lately, I’m discovering a new facet of me that is both scary and freeing. I’m hopeful for what is to come.
I’m pretty convinced March is going to be a good month for the following reasons:

• “G” Necklace: Some time last year or a couple of years ago, I saw this necklace with the letter “G” from an old typewriter at the farmer’s market and thought it was absolutely perfect. A couple of months ago, I couldn’t find it and haven’t been able to find it since. I was quite sad about this and started my journey into denial. Then, I found it buried in a purse on Saturday, the first day of March. I know it’s silly, but it made me feel better.


• Brain Fix: hopefully, I’ll be able to rest better and not be so emotionally retarded.


• No More Tutor: I finally quit. So now, my Saturdays are completely free.


• Light, Okapi and Flowers: Irwin’s light exhibit at MOCA leaves in April, so I need to get my fill this month. My zoo pass ends this month, so I’m going to squeeze in a few more visits. I haven’t been in such a long time. Since I’ll get to stay in San Diego during the weekends, I plan on going to the farmer’s market more often. I really enjoy the energy and watching people at the market. Plus, the flowers are so pretty.


• Easter: It’s my favorite. Death, Resurrection and new life! It’s so exciting.